Britain's Got A Photogenic, Asexual Singer, Who Can Be Marketed In A Way To Appeal To Gullible Girls And Housewives Everywhere, And Make Millions For Simon Cowell In The Process
Heterosexual Gok Wan gets to spend half an hour a week grabbing and mashing women's tits of all shapes and sizes - whilst still trying to convince the world he's gay.
We attach Rick Waller to a crane, swing him at a wall, and see which one wins. Start off with something low grade, like plywood, then gradually build up to steel or lead
Each week a panel of comedians rips the piss out of a hapless freak.
Pimp my Bride
Three desperate men engaged to marry three fat munters compete in a series of challenges to get a number of cosmetic surgeries to 'fix' their missus-to-be.
Cum dine with Me
Seven unsuspecting page 3 models go to the house of a male pornstar for dinner and afterwards take turns to guess the secret ingredient in his mayonnaise.
The contestants still bring the veg along but ainsley provides the meat. He competes with steve gutenberg each week to satisfy the most women and the loser gets a red tomato inserted into them by the winner.
Re-minder
Arthur is getting on a bit and his memory is going. The script writes itself.
Street Weight
Davina drops weights onto unsuspecting members of the public then runs around interviewing the ones who survive