I have something to do which I am at a loss to prepare for.

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tunstall birdman said:
Good advice, I could not add anymore to this.


Btw, I don't think Dom was trying to be funny or nasty. His comment was just letting Scrimmy know he was acknowledging the op and being honest in not being able to offer advice.
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He'll not let fact get in the way of his jumping in fast and coming to wrong conclusions! :)
 
Going to be very difficult indeed. Thanks him for inviting you over to celebrate the friendship you have and adventures you shared. If he is well enough take him for a beer to reminisce..
I assume he doesnt live to far away when you keep bumping into him so as you get ready to leave say you will pop back over to see him in a couple of days (if you have the time to) then it doesnt have to feel like a final goodbye?
Good luck with it
Scimmy said:
In my early twenties there was a group of us who kicked around together like all twenty-somethings do. We were always together, living in each others' pockets. As we got older we all drifted apart from each other with families being raised etc.

There is one bloke though with whom I shared an almost identical sense of humour and with whom I spent more time and had better "adventures". We haven't been out for a pint together for at least fifteen years despite bumping into each other in Asda a couple of times a year and promising to contact each other for a night in the pub, which of course we never did, as we have years ahead of us to do that. The other lads from our group have all basically turned into people I would no longer want to spend time with as they have got older. But the lad I am talking about is a bloke I have a great regard for.

Yesterday I got a phone call from his wife to tell me he has been given two weeks to live, having been diagnosed with cancer throughout his body. She said her husband would like to see me before he dies and I gladly agreed to go and visit him.

Problem is I do not know what to say to him. His wife says he's ok about his impending fate but that doesn't really help. What do you say to a pal who knows he is about to die, and knows that you know as well??

When it is time to leave him for the last time, how do I say goodbye??

God, I'm filling up typing this.
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Scimmy said:
In my early twenties there was a group of us who kicked around together like all twenty-somethings do. We were always together, living in each others' pockets. As we got older we all drifted apart from each other with families being raised etc.

There is one bloke though with whom I shared an almost identical sense of humour and with whom I spent more time and had better "adventures". We haven't been out for a pint together for at least fifteen years despite bumping into each other in Asda a couple of times a year and promising to contact each other for a night in the pub, which of course we never did, as we have years ahead of us to do that. The other lads from our group have all basically turned into people I would no longer want to spend time with as they have got older. But the lad I am talking about is a bloke I have a great regard for.

Yesterday I got a phone call from his wife to tell me he has been given two weeks to live, having been diagnosed with cancer throughout his body. She said her husband would like to see me before he dies and I gladly agreed to go and visit him.

Problem is I do not know what to say to him. His wife says he's ok about his impending fate but that doesn't really help. What do you say to a pal who knows he is about to die, and knows that you know as well??

When it is time to leave him for the last time, how do I say goodbye??

God, I'm filling up typing this.
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Having experienced this scenario first hand, I can truly empathise with how you feel Scimmy :cry:, its tough but all you can do is go and talk to the man, don't be afraid or ashamed to cry. I used to travel every week to see my brother at the Freeman, we'd sit and talk about everything - including his pending death which f***ing killed me inside, just thinking about it now is upsetting me tbh and he's been gone 4 1/2 years. It will be hard, but he'll get pleasure from your company and you can brighten up his day by just being there xx
 
Billy Rocket said:
Why do you need to prepare anything. Just go and be normal.
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Oh aye. That'll be surreal.

heroesof73 said:
Going to be very difficult indeed. Thanks him for inviting you over to celebrate the friendship you have and adventures you shared. If he is well enough take him for a beer to reminisce..
I assume he doesnt live to far away when you keep bumping into him so as you get ready to leave say you will pop back over to see him in a couple of days (if you have the time to) then it doesnt have to feel like a final goodbye?
Good luck with it
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That's a killer idea Marra!!

That's my pal's SOH by the way.
 
Easy to say from the outside, but before you go to meet him think of all the good times you had, and from those think of the funniest stories and memories and talk about to him about those.

If I was in that poor bloke's position I'd want my mates coming to see me to have a laugh.

Hope it goes well for you.
 
I think @mux has nailed it and would only add maybe ask if there's anything he'd like you to do, e.g. does he have bairns, would he like you to kept in touch with them? And sorry but I think your missus is wrong, you should go. Nowt wrong with crying, some things are worth bawling your eyes out over.
 
Go and see him. Bring beer. Ask him to have a pint with you as it's been a while. Sit and drink. Talk if he wants, but definitely listen. Sorry about all this; it's not easy, but it's part of being an adult.
 
Listening is also really important, as someone has said, so take your cue from him - he's asked you for a reason.
 
Scimmy said:
That's the problem. For some reason over the last few years I have become quite an emotional person. Our lass says I shouldn't go to see him 'cos I'll start crying and that'll knack the job.
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I can't imagine doing this and not being emotional and I don't think he'll mind if you do. It's totally human nature. It shows you care. Hopefully you'll find the strength to go and have a few laughs and talk about old times. If you've got any old photos that might help things along and help to focus. Good luck with it and I'm sure you'll come out feeling glad that you went to see him, however painful it might be.
 
Scimmy said:
In my early twenties there was a group of us who kicked around together like all twenty-somethings do. We were always together, living in each others' pockets. As we got older we all drifted apart from each other with families being raised etc.

There is one bloke though with whom I shared an almost identical sense of humour and with whom I spent more time and had better "adventures". We haven't been out for a pint together for at least fifteen years despite bumping into each other in Asda a couple of times a year and promising to contact each other for a night in the pub, which of course we never did, as we have years ahead of us to do that. The other lads from our group have all basically turned into people I would no longer want to spend time with as they have got older. But the lad I am talking about is a bloke I have a great regard for.

Yesterday I got a phone call from his wife to tell me he has been given two weeks to live, having been diagnosed with cancer throughout his body. She said her husband would like to see me before he dies and I gladly agreed to go and visit him.

Problem is I do not know what to say to him. His wife says he's ok about his impending fate but that doesn't really help. What do you say to a pal who knows he is about to die, and knows that you know as well??

When it is time to leave him for the last time, how do I say goodbye??

God, I'm filling up typing this.
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Take some cans of lager and go and talk to him about any old rubbish - he won't care.
 
Scimmy said:
In my early twenties there was a group of us who kicked around together like all twenty-somethings do. We were always together, living in each others' pockets. As we got older we all drifted apart from each other with families being raised etc.

There is one bloke though with whom I shared an almost identical sense of humour and with whom I spent more time and had better "adventures". We haven't been out for a pint together for at least fifteen years despite bumping into each other in Asda a couple of times a year and promising to contact each other for a night in the pub, which of course we never did, as we have years ahead of us to do that. The other lads from our group have all basically turned into people I would no longer want to spend time with as they have got older. But the lad I am talking about is a bloke I have a great regard for.

Yesterday I got a phone call from his wife to tell me he has been given two weeks to live, having been diagnosed with cancer throughout his body. She said her husband would like to see me before he dies and I gladly agreed to go and visit him.

Problem is I do not know what to say to him. His wife says he's ok about his impending fate but that doesn't really help. What do you say to a pal who knows he is about to die, and knows that you know as well??

When it is time to leave him for the last time, how do I say goodbye??

God, I'm filling up typing this.
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I wish you well. I had this to do with an old friend dying of brain cancer, and who I hadn't seen for a long time. I tried not to show my shock at seeing him as he now was, and it was easier than I expected, we just seemed to talk about old friends, and times we'd spent together. Saying goodbye also seemed to come easier than I expected, I wished him well, said I'd enjoyed catching up, and he said similar. His fate was never mentioned, even though it was the elephant in the room, he was resigned to it. Good luck, you'll be glad you went afterwards.
 
Son of Stan said:
I can't imagine doing this and not being emotional and I don't think he'll mind if you do. It's totally human nature. It shows you care. Hopefully you'll find the strength to go and have a few laughs and talk about old times. If you've got any old photos that might help things along and help to focus. Good luck with it and I'm sure you'll come out feeling glad that you went to see him, however painful it might be.
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It will be extremely difficult but well worth it for the 'special time, sharing special times' that it will bring to his friend that day.

Brian Griffin said:
Take some cans of lager and go and talk to him about any old rubbish - he won't care.
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Just his company is the greatest gift to his friend, the rest will fall into place.
 
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No doubt it'll be awkward for the pair of you for the first few minutes but break the ice by telling a story about another of your pals and what they are up to now, that'll get you down the road of what you used to get up to. He'll want to hear about the laughs you've had over the years and not what's happeneing now
 
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