How Resiliant Are You?

[muggboots]

Thought I was. I spent the best years of most people’s lives (19-22) on dialysis and eventually having a kidney transplant. Obviously this has led to a life of constant in-and-out of hospitals with various side issues. It never really bothered me. I suffered some shit jobs, some unemployment and some more shit, unfulfilling jobs until I grasped my opportunity to become a tattooist and never really have to ‘work’ another day in my life. As I said, I thought I was a bit of an emotional superman! Then my wife left me out of the blue and I was (and still am) fucked. I’ve never known existential pain like it, and nothing works to satiate it, I try to be nice, I try to be evil (as fuck...like....proper horrible) and nothing really makes me feel better. I’ve moved on from the initial self-pity and black hole of despair, but I’m still waiting for the nagging pain that arrives just before sleep and just after waking to abate. I sometimes dream about her, and in the dreams she basically leaves me over and over again.....and if anyone has any ideas how I can become friends with my subconscious again, I’d love to hear them. I’d swap it all for a little thing like kidney failure and a few years on dialysis. It’s literally the worst thing that’s ever happened to me.

So....I was resilient, to a point. It seems that point was my perceived existence falling apart. And I reckon that’s fair enough.

I only 'think' I'm resilient because I haven't had to deal with anything like you have mate. You're the real deal, despite what you may think about yourself.

I've had plenty of ups and downs in life but nothing compared to losing or thinking you may lose a child. My 7 year old had heart surgery within an hour of being born and his 3rd lot saw him have an 11 hour operation and in an induced coma for 3 weeks with his ribcage wide open covered in clingfilm. This is the only thing that has really made me feel completely helpless.

I'm in hospital atm after keeling over in the doctors surgery this morning. I stopped breathing for 5 minutes, the doctor couldn't find a pulse and I got blue lighted to hospital in an ambulance but it doesn't even compare to the thoughts of losing a child.

Bloody Hell man. Do you think they'll kick off with you about your missed appointment?

I'm still none the wiser how I can be 'dead' then walk out of the hospital 5 hours later. I just remember hearing shouting that I'd arrested and opened my eyes to see paramedics coming at me with the defibrillator. I remember saying you're not putting that on me, I'm alive .

 

[pillars of hercules]

I only 'think' I'm resilient because I haven't had to deal with anything like you have mate. You're the real deal, despite what you may think about yourself.


Bloody Hell man. Do you think they'll kick off with you about your missed appointment?

I was getting seen by the doctor in the out of hours surgery at the time. He was doing my blood pressure and pulse and I just blacked out. The GP looked terrified when I came round

 

[Slatz63]

OP must feel fairly resilient taking on the spelling Nazis with a thread title like this.

 

[Ciro_DiMarzio]

I am. When you have dependents you have to be. We have all stared into the abyss. I am not a believer in a problem shared is a problem halved it is a problem doubled as I then would think about the burden I have put on friends/family. I internalize everything which is probably not good but I could not bear to see my loved ones worrying about my issues. I exercise to get rid of the demons.

I bottle things up alot. To be honest my gf, family and friends have no idea how bad my mental state is sometimes. I don't want them worrying about my problems and wouldn't know how to tell them. Tried telling my gf once but it didn't come out right.

Thought I was. I spent the best years of most people’s lives (19-22) on dialysis and eventually having a kidney transplant. Obviously this has led to a life of constant in-and-out of hospitals with various side issues. It never really bothered me. I suffered some shit jobs, some unemployment and some more shit, unfulfilling jobs until I grasped my opportunity to become a tattooist and never really have to ‘work’ another day in my life. As I said, I thought I was a bit of an emotional superman! Then my wife left me out of the blue and I was (and still am) fucked. I’ve never known existential pain like it, and nothing works to satiate it, I try to be nice, I try to be evil (as fuck...like....proper horrible) and nothing really makes me feel better. I’ve moved on from the initial self-pity and black hole of despair, but I’m still waiting for the nagging pain that arrives just before sleep and just after waking to abate. I sometimes dream about her, and in the dreams she basically leaves me over and over again.....and if anyone has any ideas how I can become friends with my subconscious again, I’d love to hear them. I’d swap it all for a little thing like kidney failure and a few years on dialysis. It’s literally the worst thing that’s ever happened to me.

So....I was resilient, to a point. It seems that point was my perceived existence falling apart. And I reckon that’s fair enough.

Bad situation mate but you seem very resilient to me. Keep going and things will get easier in time.