how does one tell their mrs

[THELORDRODWELL]

Play 'We'll Meet Again' on a continuous loop whilst singing the words 'Whale Meat Again' every time the chorus comes on.

I just tell mine that she looks as though she's getting auan (fat) which is enough for her to step on the scales and then quickly return to her normal 48.5 kilos.

To match your IQ?

 

[Old Prestonian]

To match your IQ?

He'd knack her in an arm wrestle though.

 

[Julio_legend]

Say you should both diet for health reasons.

Aye, this. Whatever you do you’ll have to do it together and be in it with her

 

[ontap]

He needs to learn how to spell before he even attempts that.

Am staring at the lad’s post and I can’t see the spelling mistake

 

[davoak]

that's shes fat and needs to loose some weightand that she has let herself go...

asking for a friend.

Show her this thread and pretend it's your mate on about his wife

 

[Latka Gravas]

Am staring at the lad’s post and I can’t see the spelling mistake

I can well believe that.

 

[Harry Angstrom]

You - "Do you believe married couples should always be honest with each other?"
Her - "of course"
You - She will be expecting you to have shagged someone so is relieved that it's just her being a bloater.

 

[Keawyeds]

OP's going to be under the patio by April

 

[Spennymackem1981]

OP's going to be under the patio by April

im gonna tell her shes a WHALE the night before I fuck off for my new job

 

[Keawyeds]

im gonna tell her shes a WHALE the night before I fuck off for my new job

I suspect you're going to die alone and probably under a bridge

 

[Spennymackem1981]

I suspect you're going to die alone and probably under a bridge

sounds like a nice way to go to be honest mush

 

[Summer Bee]

I suspect you're going to die alone and probably under a bridge

Couldn't imagine posting on a message board for a load of strangers to torture my Mrs. tbh

 

[Vinyl Score]

As an aside, I see more and more scratter couples comprising of massively fat women and normal sized lads. I know some lads are into that sort of thing but I think id rather just have a wank.

Big Fat Ma and Skinny Pa is not a new thing

 

[MattyM 09/109]

Book a nice weekend trip away on easyjet and get her two seats.

 

[pele]

Am staring at the lad’s post and I can’t see the spelling mistake

You need a lesson in missing and misplaced apostrophes, Joe. That’s why I am a retired Lawyer and you are a retired Plumber.

 

[safcforever]

The tactile approach

First year of uni we use to endearingly call a girl Big Zoe. She seemed like she took it well for weeks before an almighty meltdown one night after which the name was shelved.

She didn't lose any weight mind and this has fuck all to do with the op.

I hope the OP’s wife is called Zoe

I mean the OP’s friends wife

 

[bonnylad]

You need a lesson in missing and misplaced apostrophes, Joe. That’s why I am a retired Lawyer and you are a retired Plumber.

It's lose not loose, Loose means slack. Retired computer manager with 'O' level English Language and
30 yards breast stroke medal. Purvy grin

Am staring at the lad’s post and I can’t see the spelling mistake

See above.

 

[Yankee Mackem]

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Love, I don't know how to tell you this but you've put on a few pounds.

 

[Billericay Dichio]

Tell her you can't hear the hi-fi when she sits on your face. She'll figure it out.

 

[Lord Potts]

Ignore all of this advice from these youngsters. Just take it from an old and wiser man that some topics are jet best not approached at all with the lady wife.

Even if she takes the your comments in good heart and doesn't immediately kill you you will be adopted as her "soul mate"and mentor in the quest to smarten herself up. Just think of the trips to the shops to buy new clothes, the cost of new "fashionable" clothes, the cost of hair do's , the diets that YOU will be obliged to participate in because after all it was YOUR IDEA. Trips the the Gym ! The cost of membership of the Gym!! They go to get massages these days and have health club holidays and all sorts Spar weekends they call them. She will be having the time of her life and it's you who has opened this particular Pandora's Box ..

Good God man get a grip and just THINK ON.