Hotel Nightmares (well gripes)

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I remember years ago, when Alton Towers had just opened their new hotel. We booked in for a few nights, it was the middle of summer and f***ing scorchio. The room was like an oven, I couldn't believe they had just built a brand new hotel, and not installed AC.
Our Lass (well she was at the time:oops:) went down to complain, she came back with a f***ing fan.:evil:
 


George Kaplan said:
I travel far too much for work and stay in hotels.

There are numerous things that bug the fuck out of me regarding a night at her average ‘business’ hotel:

• the modern propensity for ‘informality’ at check in. I want somebody in a uniform BEHIND a counter to say ‘good evening sir’ and deal with me efficiently. I’m knackered. I just want my key. I DON’T want a 15 year old casually dressed hipster with a lanyard standing at a workstation in FRONT of the counter showing me how to log in and create my own key card whilst saying ‘you guys’ to the people who came in after me.
• room service. I’m knackered. I don’t want to spend the entire evening staring into space in your shite restaurant so please at least get my order correct when I eat in my room so I don’t have to keep calling for cutlery or my missing coke. It’s bad enough I have to eat burger or pizza every night coz your menu is crap but at least give me the burger or pizza I actually ordered.
• clean the room
• can I have some LIGHT please. All this strategically positioned mood spot-lighting may be fab for creating that romantic feel but I can’t f***ing SEE anything. Is it coz the light would demonstrate that you’d failed to achieve the bullet point above this one.
• I f***ing KNOW what a buffet breakfast is. I can see what’s on the counter. I don’t need it described in detail and escorting to a table like you are escorting every single individual customer to a table after checking their name and room number which just results in every single individual customer standing waiting for you to come back from showing the previous customer to a table that you could have just POINTED AT!
• It’s too hot.
• it’s too cold
• Those bottles of shampoo that you fix to the wall so people don’t fuck off with the little bottles are all very well. But maybe they could be better designed so you don’t have to be so manually dexterous to get a smidgeon of soap on the tip of your finger whilst you try not to soak the whole floor with a shower head that won’t stay on the wall.


Any more?

The biggest gripe for me is LIGHT. But I’m visually impaired (to a degree) so it’s a bugger for me.

PS : TLDR
Click to expand...
Just like you, I travel. Yes I can add to the list.

  • Bedroom air conditioning that sounds like a train passing through the Box Tunnel and has zero effect on the temperature.
  • Room cleaners that leave the bedroom window open even when there is snow outside.
  • Useless bedromm TVs. Hotels that deny access to an HDMI cable so the guest is forced to watch the only English language channels. BBC News and CNN.
  • The darkened gloom and ghastly overpriced, tastless food in inevitably empty hotel dining rooms. To which I add their single guest's table by the toilet and the tip hunting of the staff.
  • Hotel bedroom safes. Those not anchored to anything. Those without instructions. Those exactly two centimetres two narrow to allow entry of my PC.
  • A personal preference ... "Bath"rooms without baths.
  • Laundry prices.
  • The paucity of power points
  • Pathetic Internet.
  • Tiny work desks.
  • Prices in the UK.
 
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Sandboy said:
Well I asked for this. Stayed in a big premier Inn last night and the keys weren't working at all. Staff had to accompany everyone to their room, canny last night when the massive gig over the road turned out
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Stay at the Double Tree in Milton aketnes and that’s some bloody walk!
 
Worst hotel in this country I've ever stayed in was the Ibis budget in Leeds in August for a mates' brothers birthday. about 18 or so of us spread across 4 or 5 rooms.

I expected and wasn't arsed about each room being small/having bunk beds - as it was literally just a place to shower, leave our gear and sleep in for one night.

The rooms were filthy mind, crumbs and muck all over the vinyl floor throughout each room (vinyl specifically there to keep the place easier to clean but they couldn't even be arsed with that before we checked in clearly), showers were weird plastic pods sort of built into the corner of each room like a weird bit of joinery which was like having a shower inside a fisher price portaloo. Each one stank of tabs from the previous guests and even came with a complimentary lighter which had been left in the sink.

Oh aye, only 1 single wall socket per room too, completely useless if 4 people want to charge their phones at the same time.

Absolute hell hole but it was buttons.
 
HoxtonMackem said:
Worst hotel in this country I've ever stayed in was the Ibis budget in Leeds in August for a mates' brothers birthday. about 18 or so of us spread across 4 or 5 rooms.

I expected and wasn't arsed about each room being small/having bunk beds - as it was literally just a place to shower, leave our gear and sleep in for one night.

The rooms were filthy mind, crumbs and muck all over the vinyl floor throughout each room (vinyl specifically there to keep the place easier to clean but they couldn't even be arsed with that before we checked in clearly), showers were weird plastic pods sort of built into the corner of each room like a weird bit of joinery which was like having a shower inside a fisher price portaloo. Each one stank of tabs from the previous guests and even came with a complimentary lighter which had been left in the sink.

Oh aye, only 1 single wall socket per room too, completely useless if 4 people want to charge their phones at the same time.

Absolute hell hole but it was buttons.
Click to expand...

No mention of the fact it is built in the middle of a roundabout and there was a busy dual carriageway to cross no matter which way you went!
 
We used to stay at this B&B in oxford while working at Brize Norton called the Nanford guest house.

Place was an absolute dump and stunk to high heaven.

Turns out the place was used for the Asian gang rapes in oxford, the bloke ended up going to jail over it I believe.

Had a cracking chinese next door to it mind :D

Britain's worst hotel?
 
Stayed in a converted terraced house hotel near Paddington with Flicky in London when I was back for Christmas in 2008 (Fuck me @Flared Hicks ten years yabugger!) . Canny except a heater that went from zero to Turkey roasting temp, no other options.

Stayed in i think a new Travelodge in London in 2010 right near Tower Bridge that was decent and modern.

I travel a lot for work. Avoid Hamptons like the plague as I can't stand their rubber omelettes for breakfast and the tub of 'fresh' fruit that's been fermenting in there for weeks.

I don't have an issue with sockets as over here they usually have them built in to the bedside lamps. I have had issues with arriving in a room and feeling my way all around the walls.for a friggin light switch that you would think would be near the door but is in fact on the opposite wall

My biggest beef of all is arriving at rooms that are cold enough to hang meat, especially in the summer.
 
mcq10 said:
Mind this is very weird, particularly if you’re on a stag do and you don’t know the bloke you’re sharing with that well.

Love them when it’s me and the missus away together mind.

Only thing I hate about hotel rooms is the middle of the night piss/disorientation of trying to find the bathroom door. Many a drunken night I’ve stumbled out of the room only to have to go to reception to let me back in.

I’m a nightmare drinking mind....
Click to expand...

It's the realisation, normally just as the door clicks as it shuts when you think ahhhh fuck not again :)

Trudges off to reception with nee top on :lol:
 
HoxtonMackem said:
Worst hotel in this country I've ever stayed in was the Ibis budget in Leeds in August for a mates' brothers birthday. about 18 or so of us spread across 4 or 5 rooms.

I expected and wasn't arsed about each room being small/having bunk beds - as it was literally just a place to shower, leave our gear and sleep in for one night.

The rooms were filthy mind, crumbs and muck all over the vinyl floor throughout each room (vinyl specifically there to keep the place easier to clean but they couldn't even be arsed with that before we checked in clearly), showers were weird plastic pods sort of built into the corner of each room like a weird bit of joinery which was like having a shower inside a fisher price portaloo. Each one stank of tabs from the previous guests and even came with a complimentary lighter which had been left in the sink.

Oh aye, only 1 single wall socket per room too, completely useless if 4 people want to charge their phones at the same time.

Absolute hell hole but it was buttons.
Click to expand...
Stayed there the night Lamont Kone tore Everton a new one. Apart from the weird shower and shite breakfast options, the piss proof mattress which caused you to sweat was a particular highlight.
 
Tex said:
Stayed in a converted terraced house hotel near Paddington with Flicky in London when I was back for Christmas in 2008 (Fuck me @Flared Hicks ten years yabugger!) . Canny except a heater that went from zero to Turkey roasting temp, no other options.

Stayed in i think a new Travelodge in London in 2010 right near Tower Bridge that was decent and modern.

I travel a lot for work. Avoid Hamptons like the plague as I can't stand their rubber omelettes for breakfast and the tub of 'fresh' fruit that's been fermenting in there for weeks.

I don't have an issue with sockets as over here they usually have them built in to the bedside lamps. I have had issues with arriving in a room and feeling my way all around the walls.for a friggin light switch that you would think would be near the door but is in fact on the opposite wall

My biggest beef of all is arriving at rooms that are cold enough to hang meat, especially in the summer.
Click to expand...
Hamptons are horrific the world over then, well the food.

I don’t understand why they don’t raise the quality a bit.

I once ordered fish goujons and chips in the Luton one, £15 and what I got was 4 regular fish fingers and oven chips.
 
Tex said:
Stayed in a converted terraced house hotel near Paddington with Flicky in London when I was back for Christmas in 2008 (Fuck me @Flared Hicks ten years yabugger!) . Canny except a heater that went from zero to Turkey roasting temp, no other options.

Stayed in i think a new Travelodge in London in 2010 right near Tower Bridge that was decent and modern.

I travel a lot for work. Avoid Hamptons like the plague as I can't stand their rubber omelettes for breakfast and the tub of 'fresh' fruit that's been fermenting in there for weeks.

I don't have an issue with sockets as over here they usually have them built in to the bedside lamps. I have had issues with arriving in a room and feeling my way all around the walls.for a friggin light switch that you would think would be near the door but is in fact on the opposite wall

My biggest beef of all is arriving at rooms that are cold enough to hang meat, especially in the summer.
Click to expand...

If it’s the tower bridge travelodge I’m thinking of (next to the minories)it’s gone downhill. I was there last week and the rooms were not great.

Mind, compared to the travelodge in Kings Cross, it was like the Ritz
 
Pop said:
Lack of plug sockets
Shit irons
Shit ironing boards
No iron or ironing board in the room
Lack of hangers
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Sounds like your ideal room would be in the back of a launderette.

Biggest gripe is the 'air con'. It's literally just a digital display on a wall; it seems to do fuck all regardless of the setting.

makumstu said:
When they say they have tea and coffee making facilities but it is hidden away somewhere, so you end up going around the room like a game of through the keyhole trying to find the f***ing tray!
Click to expand...
Two guests in the room? No problem, we've given you three sachets of coffee.

janiep said:
Those conveyor belt toasters. Three goes to get anything like toast. Mind I once saw a woman put bread and cheese on one leading to a claggy mess that knacked it :lol:
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:lol::lol::lol::lol:

Although.... if she'd made a toastie it could have been great.

PinzaC55 said:
I remember a story from many years ago (can't remember the place) where a guy booked into a top hotel and decided at bedtime and rang reception to as for an extra pillow. A short while later there was a knock on his door and he found a young lady standing there who introduced herself as a prostitute. It turned out that "extra pillow" was a code phrase for a prostitute among regular guests at the hotel, which he wasn't.
Click to expand...
So what was the code for an extra pillow?

Bizarre that.
 
Last edited:
George Kaplan said:
I travel far too much for work and stay in hotels.

There are numerous things that bug the fuck out of me regarding a night at her average ‘business’ hotel:

• the modern propensity for ‘informality’ at check in. I want somebody in a uniform BEHIND a counter to say ‘good evening sir’ and deal with me efficiently. I’m knackered. I just want my key. I DON’T want a 15 year old casually dressed hipster with a lanyard standing at a workstation in FRONT of the counter showing me how to log in and create my own key card whilst saying ‘you guys’ to the people who came in after me.
• room service. I’m knackered. I don’t want to spend the entire evening staring into space in your shite restaurant so please at least get my order correct when I eat in my room so I don’t have to keep calling for cutlery or my missing coke. It’s bad enough I have to eat burger or pizza every night coz your menu is crap but at least give me the burger or pizza I actually ordered.
• clean the room
• can I have some LIGHT please. All this strategically positioned mood spot-lighting may be fab for creating that romantic feel but I can’t f***ing SEE anything. Is it coz the light would demonstrate that you’d failed to achieve the bullet point above this one.
• I f***ing KNOW what a buffet breakfast is. I can see what’s on the counter. I don’t need it described in detail and escorting to a table like you are escorting every single individual customer to a table after checking their name and room number which just results in every single individual customer standing waiting for you to come back from showing the previous customer to a table that you could have just POINTED AT!
• It’s too hot.
• it’s too cold
• Those bottles of shampoo that you fix to the wall so people don’t fuck off with the little bottles are all very well. But maybe they could be better designed so you don’t have to be so manually dexterous to get a smidgeon of soap on the tip of your finger whilst you try not to soak the whole floor with a shower head that won’t stay on the wall.


Any more?

The biggest gripe for me is LIGHT. But I’m visually impaired (to a degree) so it’s a bugger for me.

PS : TLDR
Click to expand...

you obviously stay at IBIS a lot going by the first point

my biggest gripe is no plug sockets anywhere near the bed and if there is a table lamp they are hardwired into the wall so you cant even unplug that

i also agree with the room service points as well
 
Campanile place in Liverpool down by the dock - roasting hot, holes in the walls, police pulling drivers over all evening - it wasn't very nice at all.

Hate to think what a UV torch would have found on the carpet, athletes foot would have been the least of your worries
 

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