Favourite dad jokes

[MEEKLANGLEYFTM]

On a thread on pure football somebody mentioned the place felixstowe to which I asked where is felixstowe ? Then in white text put on the end of felixs foot now my dad told me that when I was a bairn on way to Dover for ferry and I still giggle at it today. So my reason for the thread was what are your favourite dad jokes that you do to your kids now?

 

[Butcher's Coat]

Q - Why do black men wear baggy trousers?

A- Because their knee grows.

 

[Pseudonym Number 1]

Q - Why do black men wear baggy trousers?

A- Because their knee grows.

Reported

 

[becs]

"pull my finger"

 

[Butcher's Coat]

Reported

Why?
My dad told me that when I was a bairn

 

[Pseudonym Number 1]

Why?
My dad told me that when I was a bairn

Was yer dar Bernard manning?

Haven't reported you really

 

[Al Bundy]

"pull my finger"

A classic with so many connotations

 

[Butcher's Coat]

Was yer dar Bernard manning?

Haven't reported you really

 

[Deleted member 36123]

Knock knock
Who's there?
Europe
Europe who?
No, you're a poo!

Makes us laugh - well, me anyway

 

[Mickeys Chicken Leg]

Why did the peanut have a black-eye?
It was assualted.

There was a fight at the chippie last night. Two cod and a sausage got battered. (slow night, I know).

What has two wings and a halo?
A chinese telephone (N.B. this is an heirloom joke passed down from Granda Leg and I'm not racist at all).

 

[Boinger]

Why cant penguins fly?

Because they are chocolate biscuits.

Guess what I've just had with a coffee.

 

[richyrich]

Why didn't the skeleton go to the Halloween party?

Because he had no body to go with.

 

[WoodmanBoy]

What is red and silly?





A blood clot.

 

[Sussex By The Sea]

Why cant penguins fly?

Because they are chocolate biscuits.

Guess what I've just had with a coffee.

Hob Nob?

 

[TopCat]

What time does Andy Murray go to bed? Tennish
What's the best time to go to the dentist? 2:30
I hate that velcro.....it's a complete rip-off!
What's pink and hard? A pig with a flick knife

 

[EchoMan]

Why cant penguins fly?

Because they are chocolate biscuits.

Guess what I've just had with a coffee.

Diazepam

 

[Ludwig]

What’s orange and sounds like a parrot...... a carrot !

 

[dickie mc rich]

What’s brown and sticky?




A stick

 

[Fumf]

How does a mathematician cure constipation?

He works it out with a pencil.

 

[WoodmanBoy]

Did you hear about the fish that tried drugs?

It got hooked.