Faux pas (that you got away with)



I had a permanent fear of this at the start of current relationship

Relationships with ladies that share the same letter of their first name is a bad idea.

Should really have been on the lookout for another Laura


'Tell Laura I love her, tell Laura I need her.
Tell Laura I may be late.
I've something to do, that cannot wait...'
 
I was at a wedding and met a lass my wife works with, her husband and both of their two little kids.

It's important at this point to say that they were and Afro Caribbean family.

Any hooooo, we were chatting away having a few laughs when their little boy (about 2) was playing and fell over next to me.
I jumped up and picked him up as he gave himself quite a shock, and I said .....

"Come here ya little monkey, what have you done there"

It took a couple of second to twig (it's something I've said to my kids for years) and I thought SHIT, what the F**** have you just said.
I spun around to my wife and this couple just staring, open jawed at me.

I started to try and save myself, explaining that I didn't mean it like that etc, I was going purple with embarrassment.
All three of them just burst out laughing at the sight of me in absolute panic.

Casual racism at it’s best 🤣🤣
 
I was talking to the next door neighbour one Sunday morning and his wife who is very fit (sorry no photo's available) shout from inside the house, "Do you want a sausage sandwich". Quick as a flash I said to him I'm lucky if I get a kiss this early in the day.
If looks could kill.
 
On my sandwich year out at university I was in the Chemistry labs of a pharma company down in Dagenham. Absolutely loved it.

It was back in the days before such firms had robots and automated plate handling machines (Texans). There was a project where about 5,000 compounds had to be weighed out accurately into vials, approx 10mg in each but weighed accurately and noted on a computer. All that kind of shit is automated now and much cheaper and quicker.

The director of Chemistry was this old bloke with a Mad Eye Moody type glass eye. It used to point in a different direction so you were never sure which person he was looking at when he talked.

He was demonstrating how to weigh the stuff out to this Essex lass who used to speak before engaging brain.!She was hilarious when pissed.

So he weighs a splat into the tube and coincidently it is exactly bang on 10mg. So she says “Oh Bob.......!! You must be weighing this out......”

(and we all cringed because we knew what was coming, but it was too late, she’d started and had to finish....)

“... by eye”

The awkward silence that followed as he fumbled around with the computer log before finally f***ing off. Then the hysterics that ensued were class.
 

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