Depression

[Deleted member 2014]

I hope you don't mind me joining in here.
About 5 years ago, after 6 months of illness where i learnt the meaning of debilitating pain and had an operation that sorted it out, I crashed into depression and had 6 months on the sick.
I forced myself back to work but since then I've been spending a lot of time and energy pretending I'm ok, looking as though I'm coping when I'm really not, and getting more and more tangled up in not really coping - 'putting on the face' as I think of it. It catches up with you and you have to work harder and harder to look in control, when you're not.

Things got too much earlier this year and I crashed again - 4 1/2 months on the sick with depression and anxiety. There is no joy in my world, everything is hopeless and pointless, and a constant feeling of fear and tension - a knot in my stomach enlivened by the occasional rising sense of panic.

Again I (foolishly?) forced myself back to work, had some counselling which has helped a little but not really a lot.

I've tended to avoid medication but my doctor offered some - Escitalopram - and, pretty much at my wit's end I gave it a try.
He told me it would make me feel a lot worse before I felt better and he wasn't kidding.
This week I've been on it has been the worst, and I didn't think it ever could be.

Every day I force myself to take the pill when I'd rather take my chances with the lower level depression/ anxiety I'm used to.
I simply cannot see things getting better.

Has anyone been on this stuff or anything like it?
I'd appreciate any feedback.
I'm told it gets better, but does it?

Thanks, and here's hoping for better things for all of us.

Welcome, and of course nobody minds you dropping in on this thread.
Everybody is welcome here.

My depression, like yours, was brought on by an agonising debilitating illness, which lasted eleven years.
I had to leave my job of 21 years, because of the pain I was in, and my weight dropped from 12 to 8 stones in a short space of time.
I wasn,t earning enough money on the sick, to keep up with my mortgage payments, and bills, and I missed the daily company of workmates and other mates.

I sank into depression, anxiety, and paranoia, and frequently broke down, once, over something daft, like dropping a plate.

It's amazing and frightening, how easily and how suddenly a person can be fully in the grip of depression.
I was lucky, that I was at the docs for a blood test, and a chat, and I broke down.

The doc instantly recognised what was going on, and I was prescribed tablets, (I can't remember their name) and was offered one to one counselling, which helped me massively.
Talking really does help, in my opinion.

Finally, after 11 years, my health is good again, though every now and again, I recognise that I'm slipping into a familiar dark place, and I disappear from here for a while, until I feel "normal" again.

I still hide a hell of a lot, from people on here, and from family and friends, and like you, I hide my sadness behind a smile, pretending everything is rosy, when in reality, it's anything but rosy, and it hurts like hell.

If you aren't improving on your current medication, have a word with your doctor, for an alternative medication.
Not everybody will benefit from the medication they are prescribed.
Counselling definitely helped me, but it doesn't work for everybody.
There are different forms of therapy available, which other posters may know more about.
Im a single bloke, and would be lost without the decent, kind, and caring people, on here, who I mainly rely on for their company on here, each day.

Please don't believe things won't improve for you, because things most definitely can get better for you, but do have a chat with your gp, if you feel your current medication, isn't helping you.
I realise without money, it's difficult to get by, and bills need paying, but rushing back to work, when you're not ready, really won't help you, on the contrary, it'll make you feel even worse.
Take as much time as it takes, and only consider going back to work, only when you're sure, you're well enough to do so.
Very best of luck to you.
And I wish you heaps of positivity, and strength, so you can eventually, see some light, at the end of the tunnel.

 

[Feed the Monster]

I hope you don't mind me joining in here.
About 5 years ago, after 6 months of illness where i learnt the meaning of debilitating pain and had an operation that sorted it out, I crashed into depression and had 6 months on the sick.
I forced myself back to work but since then I've been spending a lot of time and energy pretending I'm ok, looking as though I'm coping when I'm really not, and getting more and more tangled up in not really coping - 'putting on the face' as I think of it. It catches up with you and you have to work harder and harder to look in control, when you're not.

Things got too much earlier this year and I crashed again - 4 1/2 months on the sick with depression and anxiety. There is no joy in my world, everything is hopeless and pointless, and a constant feeling of fear and tension - a knot in my stomach enlivened by the occasional rising sense of panic.

Again I (foolishly?) forced myself back to work, had some counselling which has helped a little but not really a lot.

I've tended to avoid medication but my doctor offered some - Escitalopram - and, pretty much at my wit's end I gave it a try.
He told me it would make me feel a lot worse before I felt better and he wasn't kidding.
This week I've been on it has been the worst, and I didn't think it ever could be.

Every day I force myself to take the pill when I'd rather take my chances with the lower level depression/ anxiety I'm used to.
I simply cannot see things getting better.

Has anyone been on this stuff or anything like it?
I'd appreciate any feedback.
I'm told it gets better, but does it?

Thanks, and here's hoping for better things for all of us.

If it’s like the stuff I’ve been on (Sertraline) it does make it worse for a while. The chemicals in the meds fuck with the chemicals in your head and it’s grim.

But, if it is like the stuff I’ve taken, it then starts to stabilise and starts to allow you to deal with things without the sickening anxiety. I hope with everything I have that it’s the same for you mate.

Keep going, it’s brain flu and you’ll beat it.

 

[The soap powder]

I hope you don't mind me joining in here.
About 5 years ago, after 6 months of illness where i learnt the meaning of debilitating pain and had an operation that sorted it out, I crashed into depression and had 6 months on the sick.
I forced myself back to work but since then I've been spending a lot of time and energy pretending I'm ok, looking as though I'm coping when I'm really not, and getting more and more tangled up in not really coping - 'putting on the face' as I think of it. It catches up with you and you have to work harder and harder to look in control, when you're not.

Things got too much earlier this year and I crashed again - 4 1/2 months on the sick with depression and anxiety. There is no joy in my world, everything is hopeless and pointless, and a constant feeling of fear and tension - a knot in my stomach enlivened by the occasional rising sense of panic.

Again I (foolishly?) forced myself back to work, had some counselling which has helped a little but not really a lot.

I've tended to avoid medication but my doctor offered some - Escitalopram - and, pretty much at my wit's end I gave it a try.
He told me it would make me feel a lot worse before I felt better and he wasn't kidding.
This week I've been on it has been the worst, and I didn't think it ever could be.

Every day I force myself to take the pill when I'd rather take my chances with the lower level depression/ anxiety I'm used to.
I simply cannot see things getting better.

Has anyone been on this stuff or anything like it?
I'd appreciate any feedback.
I'm told it gets better, but does it?

Thanks, and here's hoping for better things for all of us.

Yeah as said above these meds take time and the first few weeks are the worst messing with your head. Get through these bad times and hopefully the good stuff will kick in and you will start to feel better. However you've ne the hardest bit opening up and talking about it all.

Bend all our ears on here and we will listen and help as weve mostly all been through it in the past or still dealing with it now.

That's the one best thing this board does helps and looks out for each other when we are not taking the piss haha

Anyway good luck mate and keep your chin up and chest out

 

[Johnap]

We are here for you. I have had it for a long time. Just when I think I will reduce the dosage - I go again. It happens in the weirdest of places. Today I was in Leeds and just walking along and I started to feel nervous. I just stopped, looked around and said to myself that I was OK. I was pleased to get home though. We are all different and deal with things in our own way. The worst thing I ever heard was "Be Strong" - I don't want to be strong I want to feel good - that's all.

Keep going...

 

[chopsfc007]

If it’s like the stuff I’ve been on (Sertraline) it does make it worse for a while. The chemicals in the meds fuck with the chemicals in your head and it’s grim.

But, if it is like the stuff I’ve taken, it then starts to stabilise and starts to allow you to deal with things without the sickening anxiety. I hope with everything I have that it’s the same for you mate.

Keep going, it’s brain flu and you’ll beat it.

I hated sertraline the headaches were awful and i couldn't stay awake on afternoons

 

[Laidback Jack]

Don't envy anyone for going through it. I only suffered for a very short period of time due to having to be rushed into emergency life-saving open heart surgery. Had Fluoexitine tablets and had to see a counsellor for 4/5 sessions to process the negative, anxious thoughts i'd suffered as a result of my heart incident.

I was just down. Was only for a couple of months while I was in hospital, I couldn't see a way my life could ever return to the way it was previously and that massively upset and worried me. I was wrong, I got over it and began to make progress. I slowly took myself of the tablets and it went away thankfully.

My advice would be to try and set small targets, something positive that you can do today that you maybe couldn't yesterday. Even small things like talking to someone or getting out of bed earlier, going for a walk, doing something you used to really enjoy. You'd be surprised over time how much progress you can make.

As I say mine was only for a very very short period of time, I was fortunate. Best of luck, im sure you can get through this.

 

[chopsfc007]

Ill in pain fed up

 

[The soap powder]

Ill in pain fed up

Hey you ok pal ?

 

[chopsfc007]

Hey you ok pal ?

Just several health issues

 

[The soap powder]

Just several health issues

Not great at all this time of the night as well

 

[Mainze]

Ill in pain fed up

Pain is the hardest of all as it can only be borne by it's wearer. Dig in fella, tomorrow is a new start and it can be a better one than today.....

 

[RJs shoes]

I can't write much but many thanks for the replies with your, encouragement and advice.
It really is appreciated.

I'll stick with the meds but boy, this last week has been hell.
I'll bear in mind things will get better, grit my teeth and I'll hopefully keep going.
Going to see the doc this week so we'll see what he says.

 

[Deleted member 2014]

I can't write much but many thanks for the replies with your, encouragement and advice.
It really is appreciated.

I'll stick with the meds but boy, this last week has been hell.
I'll bear in mind things will get better, grit my teeth and I'll hopefully keep going.
Going to see the doc this week so we'll see what he says.

Very best of luck, mate.
Hopefully soon, things will start to improve, for you
Come back, and let us know, how things go.

 

[look out piano]

I'm in a weird kind of limbo, have moments of panic and terror (think it's because it's nearly the anniversary of my brothers death and I'm forced to remember watching him die all over again - this fucks me up). I'm thankful for the fact that I'm not completely alone in life as I have my son and I know that he loves me with all of his heart bless him (and that I feel the same about him and more).
I don't take tablets (I've pretty much had them all from anti depressants to antipsychotics over the years - but stopped them when I got past my post natal depression). These days I take CBD oil, it's canny enough and then I have my weekly dose of Strictly heaven along with my looking forward to Christmas and my son to keep me going.
Life is hard, I'm just taking each day as it comes (had a little cry on Friday as I'd been listening to music that meant a lot to my dad and mam before she died, I imagined him singing the words to her and cried over their perfect love that ended when she was 33 ffs - an absolute travesty / tragedy). My son consoled me bless him, it took me a while to compose myself enough to explain my tears but I did and he understood, he's the best and my reason for living ♥.
I've had some really dark times and still have the odd blip but I have to keep on keeping on - whatever will be, will be and I just have to try and keep a handle on my catastophising / worrying as it nearly ate me up over the years.
I feel for anyone struggling with Depression / mental health problems and am always here to give anyone a virtual (((hug))) or a listening ear (as are many other fabulously kind posters that make this board an amazing place to find solace and discuss our worries without feeling judged etc).
Lots of love xx

 

[Deleted member 2014]

I'm in a weird kind of limbo, have moments of panic and terror (think it's because it's nearly the anniversary of my brothers death and I'm forced to remember watching him die all over again - this fucks me up). I'm thankful for the fact that I'm not completely alone in life as I have my son and I know that he loves me with all of his heart bless him (and that I feel the same about him and more).
I don't take tablets (I've pretty much had them all from anti depressants to antipsychotics over the years - but stopped them when I got past my post natal depression). These days I take CBD oil, it's canny enough and then I have my weekly dose of Strictly heaven along with my looking forward to Christmas and my son to keep me going.
Life is hard, I'm just taking each day as it comes (had a little cry on Friday as I'd been listening to music that meant a lot to my dad and mam before she died, I imagined him singing the words to her and cried over their perfect love that ended when she was 33 ffs - an absolute travesty / tragedy). My son consoled me bless him, it took me a while to compose myself enough to explain my tears but I did and he understood, he's the best and my reason for living ♥.
I've had some really dark times and still have the odd blip but I have to keep on keeping on - whatever will be, will be and I just have to try and keep a handle on my catastophising / worrying as it nearly ate me up over the years.
I feel for anyone struggling with Depression / mental health problems and am always here to give anyone a virtual (((hug))) or a listening ear (as are many other fabulously kind posters that make this board an amazing place to find solace and discuss our worries without feeling judged etc).
Lots of love xx

Lovely words x
I have a lot of sadness and regrets about not spending enough time with my Dad, when he was alive.
We had little in common, but I should have made more of an effort.

 

[becs]

I feel for anyone struggling with Depression / mental health problems and am always here to give anyone a virtual (((hug))) or a listening ear (as are many other fabulously kind posters that make this board an amazing place to find solace and discuss our worries without feeling judged etc).

I was thinking of you the other day! I was given the choice between Picolax or Moviprep for next week, so I went with the Picolax after your recommendation

Hope you are ok missus xx

 

[look out piano]

Lovely words x
I have a lot of sadness and regrets about not spending enough time with my Dad, when he was alive.
We had little in common, but I should have made more of an effort.

Thank you my friend xx and I can imagine that is hard, I don't really see that much of my dad even though we only live 5 minutes away from each other - he'll probably knock on my door and give me my Birthday card in November and then the next time I'll probably see him will be a few days before Christmas.
As Leonard Cohen once sang "Don't dwell on what has passed away, or what is yet to be"........your dad will have known that you loved him, life doesn't always go the way that we thought it would sadly. Big ((hugs)) xx

I was thinking of you the other day! I was given the choice between Picolax or Moviprep for next week, so I went with the Picolax after your recommendation

Hope you are ok missus xx

I'm okay thanks becs, and you made the right choice - Picolax is positively delightful in comparison to Moviprep . I hope all goes well and all is well with you and the family lovely lady xx

 

[safc...hic!]

I was on prozac a couple of year back and the lower doses worked well, in my stupidity i asked to increase the dosage and it sent me further into despair than i ever was so came off them.
Im not coping well now and think ill be going back to the drs soon and ask to be put back on them but stick to the lower doses.

 

[Deleted member 2014]

Thank you my friend xx and I can imagine that is hard, I don't really see that much of my dad even though we only live 5 minutes away from each other - he'll probably knock on my door and give me my Birthday card in November and then the next time I'll probably see him will be a few days before Christmas.
As Leonard Cohen once sang "Don't dwell on what has passed away, or what is yet to be"........your dad will have known that you loved him, life doesn't always go the way that we thought it would sadly. Big ((hugs)) xx

I'm okay thanks becs, and you made the right choice - Picolax is positively delightful in comparison to Moviprep . I hope all goes well and all is well with you and the family lovely lady xx

Thank you my friend xx

 

[look out piano]

I was on prozac a couple of year back and the lower doses worked well, in my stupidity i asked to increase the dosage and it sent me further into despair than i ever was so came off them.
Im not coping well now and think ill be going back to the drs soon and ask to be put back on them but stick to the lower doses.

I actually liked Prozac, but it did turn me into a cleaning freak lol. I'm debating asking the docs for it again, it was probably one of the only tablets that didn't leave me feeling like a zombie.
Definitely get back to the docs and have a chat, you do what you need to to feel better xx