Depression

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@Freight Train , that's really awful. I can totally understand how that makes things so much worse.

I have to admit that so far, everyone I've spoken to has been great although I haven't had my first proper session yet. I have got an account for the online CBT course which I'm starting tonight.

First day back at work today and I'm really really struggling. The extra pressure of all the work I've missed and need to catch up on has my heart bouncing out of my chest.

Not sure the new meds (sertraline?) have really kicked in yet.

Also, weird side effect - jaw ache. Bizarre.
 
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Had my first proper "session" today. TBH, It was basically a case of "you need to do it yourself on the online portal". I guess that's what I sined up for but I was expecting a little more 1-2-1 help.
I'll stick with it though, and see how it goes.
 
Here we go again. Black dog looming once more.

Been to the quack to restart meds but they will take a few weeks to take effect.

All the usual warning signs, stopped exercising, short tempered, can't concentrate, manically focusing on one stupid thing, road rage just under the surface, stopped meditating.

I know they are all things I can control and will get back to "normality" one day, just looks like a long road.

Thought I'd got to a better place but this relapse is shite.

Just want to curl up and cry.

I know this is temporary, I know I'll get out of it, I know it will take time.

Just right now it feels like a long battle.

To the outside world everything is great. Own house, good job, nice car. Married mates who are jealous of the single lifestyle they imagine I have. But I'm lonely. Just a hug would be nice. Coming home to an empty house is grinding me down.
Share custody of the dog with my ex. Walking the dog is great, but walking round to her house to collect her reminds of how life was. Been separated nearly 2 years now and I wouldn't take her back at gunpoint. But it still grates the way it ended.

All the clever folk on here who thing being single again is one big shag fest obviously don't live in the real world.

Anyhow, just typing that lot out forms part of the therapy. Thanks for listening to my ramble.
 
Slatz63 said:
Here we go again. Black dog looming once more.

Been to the quack to restart meds but they will take a few weeks to take effect.

All the usual warning signs, stopped exercising, short tempered, can't concentrate, manically focusing on one stupid thing, road rage just under the surface, stopped meditating.

I know they are all things I can control and will get back to "normality" one day, just looks like a long road.

Thought I'd got to a better place but this relapse is shite.

Just want to curl up and cry.

I know this is temporary, I know I'll get out of it, I know it will take time.

Just right now it feels like a long battle.

To the outside world everything is great. Own house, good job, nice car. Married mates who are jealous of the single lifestyle they imagine I have. But I'm lonely. Just a hug would be nice. Coming home to an empty house is grinding me down.
Share custody of the dog with my ex. Walking the dog is great, but walking round to her house to collect her reminds of how life was. Been separated nearly 2 years now and I wouldn't take her back at gunpoint. But it still grates the way it ended.

All the clever folk on here who thing being single again is one big shag fest obviously don't live in the real world.

Anyhow, just typing that lot out forms part of the therapy. Thanks for listening to my ramble.
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Sorry to hear about your set back my friend. Hope your meds kick in soon and you're back on track again.
 
Maravilla said:
Know this is a pretty frequently discussed topic on here and a lot of good advice is given so here goes.

Been suffering from depression for years and I'm currently going through one of those stages where I'm just constantly feeling shit no matter what I do and am really struggling to get up in the morning to go to work and can barely go an hour without having a suicidal thought, took an overdose of pills last year but that didn't work and in all honesty I feel like I did around that time, but don't really have the bottle to try owt like that again. Know fine well that I don't help myself in some aspects but just want to get to the point where I can live a relatively normal life.

I'm not especially close to my family and whilst I do love them I can't really bring myself to confide in them, been fucked about and fobbed off at every opportunity by the doctors whenever I go to see them about it, I do know that I can always tell my best friend but I don't want to bother them again with this shit, especially after a little drunken heart-to-heart we had last night, so just thought I'd give this a go.
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You have my sympathy fella, horrible illness to have. Only advice is to try and leave the booze alone as a crutch useless - talking about it is good even on here and try to lighten the load, if you need medication get it and taske it even in the short term to

assist deal with the issues... Samaritans can help as well with the deep and dark thoughts. Get any help you can and try to get out and do stuff exercise does help even if a struggle to do it. Hope you manage to fight the good fight fella good luck!
 
Slatz63 said:
All the usual warning signs, stopped exercising, short tempered, can't concentrate, manically focusing on one stupid thing, road rage just under the surface, stopped meditating.
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That's all very familiar. Good luck mate.

As for me, last week was a shithouse, the sertraline side effects kicked my arse. Felt like I was going to fire electricity out of my fingers, my whole body was "buzzing", and I was full to the brim with pure anxiety.
Thankfully that's passed now, and I'm back at work and actually feeling pretty good.

Did some DIY at the weekend, and didn't dread it. Even when one fix re-broke within 2 hours, I didn't really get upset, just cleaned it up and put it aside for later.


While I'm here, are there any good guided mindfulness apps out there that are fully free? Calm was ace, but only the first course is free - £30+/yr isn't too much, but I'm stingy as owt.
Seems to be a lot on Omvana, but navigating it is a pain.
 
Jimmer13 said:
You have my sympathy fella, horrible illness to have. Only advice is to try and leave the booze alone as a crutch useless - talking about it is good even on here and try to lighten the load, if you need medication get it and taske it even in the short term to

assist deal with the issues... Samaritans can help as well with the deep and dark thoughts. Get any help you can and try to get out and do stuff exercise does help even if a struggle to do it. Hope you manage to fight the good fight fella good luck!
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Drink a hell of a lot less than I used to and I think that has been a massive help. Still have some horrible days but feel like I'm far more sensible and in a much better position to handle the dark clouds than I was a few years back.
 
Maravilla said:
Drink a hell of a lot less than I used to and I think that has been a massive help. Still have some horrible days but feel like I'm far more sensible and in a much better position to handle the dark clouds than I was a few years back.
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Well done fella, keep up the good fight ongoing I know, but it can be beaten! Been there and still have occasional anus horribilis, but your doing well mate.....deal with one issue at a time and move onto next when resolved or as best you can get.......50% less while still an issue is a marvelous start and something to be pleased about. But any percentage is taking a step in the right direction........Baby steps fella, you will get there no doubt!
 
Bumping the thread in case anyone’s feeling low and would like a bit chat with others who’ve been through MH issues.
 
Roker Mackem said:
Are you feeling OK Janie?
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Aye I’m topper thanks, had my moments with it in the past but all good now. Was reading the thread on male suicide and there’s one or two said they came close in the past, so just wanted to remind folk that there’s a great supportive community on this place for this issue. Thanks for asking and thereby proving my point :)
 
janiep said:
Aye I’m topper thanks, had my moments with it in the past but all good now. Was reading the thread on male suicide and there’s one or two said they came close in the past, so just wanted to remind folk that there’s a great supportive community on this place for this issue. Thanks for asking and thereby proving my point :)
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Good stuff, thought I'd ask in case :)

I suffer from quite severe anxiety at times- wouldnt say it is depression related (I dont think) but can be difficult to live with at times. Anyone else have similar?
 
Roker Mackem said:
Good stuff, thought I'd ask in case :)

I suffer from quite severe anxiety at times- wouldnt say it is depression related (I dont think) but can be difficult to live with at times. Anyone else have similar?
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Anxiety has been something I’ve had on and off, bloody hard to deal with. Earlier this year I had to have tests (I smoked heavily for years and they said I needed a chest X-ray and I knew they were only suspecting one thing) and I fell to f***ing pieces. I got the all clear, and I bless every day of good physical and mental health since, but I was in psychological meltdown at the time.

@Roker Mackem have you tried CBT? Helped me. The other thing that really helps my anxiety is having a massive cry, proper bawling my eyes out. Seems to give a release to all the pent up fear and anger. Possibly culturally easier for a woman to sob big time, one of the things we need to put right with society.
 
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janiep said:
Anxiety has been something I’ve had on and off, bloody hard to deal with. Earlier this year I had to have tests (I smoked heavily for years and they said I needed a chest X-ray and I knew they were only suspecting one thing) and I fell to f***ing pieces. I got the all clear, and I bless every day of good physical and mental health since, but I was in psychological meltdown at the time.

@Roker Mackem have you tried CBT? Helped me. The other thing that really helps my anxiety is having a massive cry, proper bawling my eyes out. Seems to give a release to all the pent up fear and anger. Possibly culturally easier for a woman to sob big time, one of the things we need to put right with society.
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What does that involve?

Hearing your version..I dont think mine is severe. Its just a constant adrenalin rush 24/7. Nothing I cant deal with...just annoying.
 
Roker Mackem said:
What does that involve?

Hearing your version..I dont think mine is severe. Its just a constant adrenalin rush 24/7. Nothing I cant deal with...just annoying.
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CBT makes you examine what you’re anxious about and look at it with another bit of your mind, your rational mind. So in the middle of a huge anxiety attack, you write down what you’re worrying about, and answers to a series of prompt questions. Then you interrogate what you’ve written again with some prompt questions. The questions that worked for me were ‘is this thought extreme?’ (The answer was always yes) and ‘is it helpful?’ (The answer was always no), and that helped me see it more clearly. Then there’s other techniques it suggests you try out, eg pretend you’re speaking to a friend who has this thought, what would you say to them?
 
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janiep said:
Anxiety has been something I’ve had on and off, bloody hard to deal with. Earlier this year I had to have tests (I smoked heavily for years and they said I needed a chest X-ray and I knew they were only suspecting one thing) and I fell to f***ing pieces. I got the all clear, and I bless every day of good physical and mental health since, but I was in psychological meltdown at the time.

@Roker Mackem have you tried CBT? Helped me. The other thing that really helps my anxiety is having a massive cry, proper bawling my eyes out. Seems to give a release to all the pent up fear and anger. Possibly culturally easier for a woman to sob big time, one of the things we need to put right with society.
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Health problems are the worst thing for triggering anxiety. I had similar when having a lump removed and sent to pathology.

I remember just looking at the kids and bursting into tears and they didn't know what to make of it.

I think I've only ever had 2 or 3 days off work with it in total and one of those was because I couldn't get discharged from A&E till 10am. Some colleagues cried stress, milked the system and took a year off.

Props to anyone struggling with anxiety and depression ATM.
 
smoker said:
Health problems are the worst thing for triggering anxiety. I had similar when having a lump removed and sent to pathology.

I remember just looking at the kids and bursting into tears and they didn't know what to make of it.

I think I've only ever had 2 or 3 days off work with it in total and one of those was because I couldn't get discharged from A&E till 10am. Some colleagues cried stress, milked the system and took a year off.

Props to anyone struggling with anxiety and depression ATM.
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All my anxiety ultimately stems from either the deaths of people I’ve loved, or absolute blind f***ing terror at facing my own. The price we pay for the magnificence of life and love.
 
I’ve struggled with anxiety for years (I think it’s probably documented earlier in the thread) it came to a head earlier in the year and I ended up having a couple of weeks off work then a staged return.

I got put on Sertraline- only 50mg - but touch wood it’s doing the job and I feel normal (or normal for me) at the mo.

I tried talking therapy but tbh I knew most of the stuff anyway and I know the thoughts I get are irrational but when I was really bad they just overwhelmed me.

Good luck everyone.

Roker Mackem said:
What does that involve?

Hearing your version..I dont think mine is severe. Its just a constant adrenalin rush 24/7. Nothing I cant deal with...just annoying.
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Have you tried breathing exercises?
There’s an app called Calm. You can get it free with limited exercises on it or the full one is £30 for the year which might sound a lot but I have found it worth the money.
 
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