Depression

I'm having a rough one today, had some news about one of my kids yesterday (nothing too serious and nothing i wasn't expecting) but it's hit me like a truck. My head is just spinning with thought of guilt and blaming myself and all kinds of just mentally beating myself up. I've been in tears a few times and I know i need to do something, get out of the house or write in my blog or just do anything productive but it's just so hard to pull out the motivation to do it.
No-one knows how to beat you up like yourself.

I went into work today, dreaded it, felt sick - got there and nothing happened. Some people said hello, bit of chat, that was it.
One of my colleagues left, final day, some drinks after work - again the feeling that it was all going to go wrong somehow - explained to him beforehand, I'll be on cola and will leave when it gets a bit much - he was fine. felt like a weight off my shoulders.
Gonna try and eat something now as i realised the reason my stomachs churning is cos i barely ate today :neutral:
 


No-one knows how to beat you up like yourself.

I went into work today, dreaded it, felt sick - got there and nothing happened. Some people said hello, bit of chat, that was it.
One of my colleagues left, final day, some drinks after work - again the feeling that it was all going to go wrong somehow - explained to him beforehand, I'll be on cola and will leave when it gets a bit much - he was fine. felt like a weight off my shoulders.
Gonna try and eat something now as i realised the reason my stomachs churning is cos i barely ate today :neutral:

That sounds like you've managed to do a lot today mate despite not feeling your best.
You are stronger than you think, well done!!
 
On the Daily Calm in my app last night, it was talking about negative thoughts.

You are never going to stop negative thoughts. Whatever happens in life, they're going to float into your head. It's how you deal with them that counts. If you think about the negative thought, you end up in a downwards spiral in that it affects your emotions, then you start judging yourself and feeling shame, then you start imaging the worst case scenario and so on until you end up in an anxious mess. If you can let the negative thought come into your head, acknowledge and tell it you are not going to act on it, it will just float away without harming you. Just thought I would share that in case it helps anyone.
 
Woke up around 5, but no terrible sinking feeling like I have had in previous episodes where my sleep is bad. Seems I've learnt to accept that if I'm awake I might as well doze and just accept it.
 
Woke up around 5, but no terrible sinking feeling like I have had in previous episodes where my sleep is bad. Seems I've learnt to accept that if I'm awake I might as well doze and just accept it.

That's what someone else told me a while back about insomnia. I'd be laying there thinking "I'm not going to get enough sleep, I'm going to be no good tomorrow, it's going to be a struggle to get through the day........" and end up in a right tizzy. Now I just think, "ok, so I can't sleep, but what's the worst that can happen? I might feel a bit tired or have a bit of a headache, but I can still get through the day and nothing bad will happen." Thinking that way has been helping me in cracking the insomnia.
 
Sunday club: how's everyone doing and what positive steps have you made this week?

Got organised with work. All my accounts are up to date, all my paperwork is filed, my email inbox is empty and I've tackled my big "to do" list.

Son has a day off work today. We don't do as much family stuff now with the eldest moving out, other son working weekends and my youngest one being at her Dad's every other weekend. As they're all available this weekend, we're going to the Chinese celebrations in Newcastle, getting something to eat and then going to see Sing at the cinema. I'm looking forward to a nice day out with all me bairns :cool:
 
When I left work last night at 6, the sky still had a bit of light left in it.
Had a rare treat of a takeaway last night and watched Eddie the Eagle then had a good sleep
The dog has a new toy... A squeaky Kong pig which is irritating as fuck but hilarious at the same time.
Daffodils are in bud
Got half my apple orchard pruned
 
My Dad has several things going wrong with him and I'm really worried about him. He has an aortic aneurysm which has grown since his last scan but it's too risky doing an operation on it because of his other health problems. They've now found something wrong with his kidneys and are busy investigating that. He seems to be failing mentally too. My Mam really struggles looking after him and she broke down in tears today and she said she can't cope. I'm worrying about her too. Got myself all anxious and feel down. Two friends recently both lost parents and the fear of losing my Dad is really bad :cry:
 
My Dad has several things going wrong with him and I'm really worried about him. He has an aortic aneurysm which has grown since his last scan but it's too risky doing an operation on it because of his other health problems. They've now found something wrong with his kidneys and are busy investigating that. He seems to be failing mentally too. My Mam really struggles looking after him and she broke down in tears today and she said she can't cope. I'm worrying about her too. Got myself all anxious and feel down. Two friends recently both lost parents and the fear of losing my Dad is really bad :cry:

Hope you're ok becs, keep on posting in here when you need to let it out, problem shared and all that!
 
My Dad has several things going wrong with him and I'm really worried about him. He has an aortic aneurysm which has grown since his last scan but it's too risky doing an operation on it because of his other health problems. They've now found something wrong with his kidneys and are busy investigating that. He seems to be failing mentally too. My Mam really struggles looking after him and she broke down in tears today and she said she can't cope. I'm worrying about her too. Got myself all anxious and feel down. Two friends recently both lost parents and the fear of losing my Dad is really bad :cry:

Oh pet.
It's awful feeling so helpless.... All you can really do is be there for them.
 
Worst week in a while this, no idea why either. Managed to get to and from work ok though

My Dad has several things going wrong with him and I'm really worried about him. He has an aortic aneurysm which has grown since his last scan but it's too risky doing an operation on it because of his other health problems. They've now found something wrong with his kidneys and are busy investigating that. He seems to be failing mentally too. My Mam really struggles looking after him and she broke down in tears today and she said she can't cope. I'm worrying about her too. Got myself all anxious and feel down. Two friends recently both lost parents and the fear of losing my Dad is really bad :cry:

Stick in there lass
 
Well my Sertraline has kicked in and for the first time in years I feel settled and dare I say relatively happy. There is a bit of numbness with them, kind of a letting things wash over you and don't make too much of an issue of it... which is exactly what I need. I'm still knackered off the tablets, but hopefully that will ease.

The best thing I did was go to the doctors, I've struggled on by my self for 20+ years and now I have sought help I am feeling a lot better.

My Dad has several things going wrong with him and I'm really worried about him. He has an aortic aneurysm which has grown since his last scan but it's too risky doing an operation on it because of his other health problems. They've now found something wrong with his kidneys and are busy investigating that. He seems to be failing mentally too. My Mam really struggles looking after him and she broke down in tears today and she said she can't cope. I'm worrying about her too. Got myself all anxious and feel down. Two friends recently both lost parents and the fear of losing my Dad is really bad :cry:
Take care Becs, nothing I or anyone else could say will really help, but just know we are all rooting for you.
 
Last edited:
Dad is in hospital. He had an ultrasound on Friday. We were round about to have tea with them, when an urologist phoned and said he needed to be in hospital urgently as his kidney was dilated. So he was gutted because he missed his tea! They did a CT scan yesterday and said there is a big stone blocking his ureter so the kidney can't drain but it's jammed in an awkward place. He's also got blood clots on his lungs and is on warfarin so it's risky giving him a general anaesthetic. They're going to give him an epidural anaesthetic today and try and remove the stone by going up through his penis but they're not 100% sure if they can do this. If not they might be able to put a stent drain in to bypass it for now. If they can't do that, they'll have to take the risk and knock him out and put a drain in his side so it bypasses the ureter. He's on the emergency theatre list so they couldn't give a time for the op as it depends if anyone more urgent came in overnight, so I don't know if we'll get in to visit him tonight. The youngest was crying her eyes out on Friday, so I don't want to take her in if he's still really drowsy and poorly from an anaesthetic. Mam said he is more annoyed because he missed the match yesterday!

But in the spirit of Sunday club, how is everyone doing?

It's been a tough week but the positive highlights have included celebrating my younger sons 18th birthday. He was over the moon with his presents. The football has been brilliant and I had a cuppa with @mackem_jo2 and she cheered me up on Friday :)

I came off mirtazapine about a year ago but I've been keeping some spares as a kind of safety blanket. I've manage to throw them away (have taken them back to the pharmacy for responsible disposal as I know @Bad_mother reads this!) I've been taking 5HTP since but the bottle ran out a week or so ago and I've not bought any more. I don't think I need them anymore :)
 
Hello Sunday clubbers. Bit of a wobbly day for me as it's Dad's birthday (he died 1979). But we're going out for a country walk, which is something he loved. Ninja project going OK, good go at it yesterday. If you're into mindfulness, try The Honest Guys on YouTube, voice like silk.

Big love to @becs, becs' dad, and all on here xxx
 
Dad is in hospital. He had an ultrasound on Friday. We were round about to have tea with them, when an urologist phoned and said he needed to be in hospital urgently as his kidney was dilated. So he was gutted because he missed his tea! They did a CT scan yesterday and said there is a big stone blocking his ureter so the kidney can't drain but it's jammed in an awkward place. He's also got blood clots on his lungs and is on warfarin so it's risky giving him a general anaesthetic. They're going to give him an epidural anaesthetic today and try and remove the stone by going up through his penis but they're not 100% sure if they can do this. If not they might be able to put a stent drain in to bypass it for now. If they can't do that, they'll have to take the risk and knock him out and put a drain in his side so it bypasses the ureter. He's on the emergency theatre list so they couldn't give a time for the op as it depends if anyone more urgent came in overnight, so I don't know if we'll get in to visit him tonight. The youngest was crying her eyes out on Friday, so I don't want to take her in if he's still really drowsy and poorly from an anaesthetic. Mam said he is more annoyed because he missed the match yesterday!

But in the spirit of Sunday club, how is everyone doing?

It's been a tough week but the positive highlights have included celebrating my younger sons 18th birthday. He was over the moon with his presents. The football has been brilliant and I had a cuppa with @mackem_jo2 and she cheered me up on Friday :)

I came off mirtazapine about a year ago but I've been keeping some spares as a kind of safety blanket. I've manage to throw them away (have taken them back to the pharmacy for responsible disposal as I know @Bad_mother reads this!) I've been taking 5HTP since but the bottle ran out a week or so ago and I've not bought any more. I don't think I need them anymore :)

Sorry to hear about your Dad Becs. It's already been said, but all you can do is be there for him and your Mam. I'll be thinking about you today, and hope everything goes well. Take care x
 
Sorry to hear about your dad
@becs but good to know they're looking after him

Hugs @janiep too.... I feel for you. 2 of my friends lost their mothers in January and it dragged up a lot of feelings about mine... When I thought I'd got over it.

Positives of the week..
Football...obvs.
Made myself go to a birthday party last night and quite enjoyed it, and didn't get drunk.
 
Thinking of you all @becs, as always I'm free for a cuppa when you need one! Does me the world of good getting out for a catch up too!

I've had a lazy weekend and my mood is not too bad at the moment (football may have helped that a little!) Got a busy week coming up so I'm hoping I can cope with it, little baby steps though and positive thoughts needed to keep me going!
 

Back
Top