Depression

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janiep

Striker
Not sure if this is the best time to start a thread like this but it's something that needs to be asked. In the last two years I've had 3 mates 'give up the fight' against this (must be my shite patter), and in each case i never knew they were suffering from it.
What i want/need to know is, if i did know what could i do to help them, and what signs should i look out for to realise my mates may have depression?
Each time I've been left wondering..'If only I'd known..' but then start thinking 'even if I'd known, what could i do..?'
I'm sure there are websites out there explaining it but there's nothing better than advice from someone with personal experience
Mods, if you think this thread is 'too soon' please delete it, I'll understand
Can I suggest that you speak to all those you are close to and say to them that if they ever feel low, they must tell you. It's perhaps an odd/uncomfortable thing to say out of the blue, particularly if you have the kind of culture with your mates where feelings aren't often talked about, but if someone is fine and just thinks you're being a bit odd it's easily laughed off and the job is still done.
 
Can I suggest that you speak to all those you are close to and say to them that if they ever feel low, they must tell you. It's perhaps an odd/uncomfortable thing to say out of the blue, particularly if you have the kind of culture with your mates where feelings aren't often talked about, but if someone is fine and just thinks you're being a bit odd it's easily laughed off and the job is still done.
This
 

naughtynose

Striker
the internet and this forum must help abit marra? you're a well known face around these parts, come across more 'normal' then most TBH.
Thanks mate! It does yes, sometimes it can be a front though, and at times when Ive flown off the handle on here before it has been because of how I am at that time. At the end of the day were all just words on a screen I guess on here. In real life though general things arent enjoyable when its bad, ie nights out, going to the pub, gigs. For instance I could be watching an away game with some mates in a pub and I will feel miles away from everyone else, then that leads to questioning yourself, and you become irrative and anxious. Im starting to get a bit better of late but you know its always there and just have to deal with it best you can!
 
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ayesane

Guest
I don't though. I can't recall a day when I've felt "depressed". I feel sadness and joy when it's appropriate but I don't get depressed. I've been fortunate.

Check out the people who suffer from depression, some of whom are posting on this very thread and you'll probably find they come across as the life and soul of the party on here. The other side of the coin which is why one form of "depression" is known as Bi Polar.
:) I had my suspicions.

But, aye, you're lucky I guess.. I'm not depressed but I have spent the odd post-bender Sunday really really low. And if I'm honest bad football results would knock me off track for a couple days :oops: alongside other human issues like loss, rejection and bosses.
 

rowley2

Winger
Don't know how lucky I've been all my life reading this thread.

And it seems "luck" is the key word here. This bassa seems to knock people back indiscriminately. Sounds like a hell of a struggle for those who get tripped up by it.
 

magswonnowt

Striker
Can I suggest that you speak to all those you are close to and say to them that if they ever feel low, they must tell you. It's perhaps an odd/uncomfortable thing to say out of the blue, particularly if you have the kind of culture with your mates where feelings aren't often talked about, but if someone is fine and just thinks you're being a bit odd it's easily laughed off and the job is still done.
that's the problem i have. all my mates are regular matchgoers and thats when we meet up most. banter and pisstaking is rife and sometimes gets very near the knuckle. i would hate to think our pisstaking tipped someone over the edge. To be honest if i asked a mate if he was ok, he'd be wondering what wind up i was up to
 

naughtynose

Striker
Good Luck mate with yours and remember you MUST fight it. Try to focus on all the positive things in your life and make sure you have someone to talk to about it if you need to.
Pm me anytime mate.
Thanks alot marra, means alot that does
 

kermode

Winger
:) I had my suspicions.

But, aye, you're lucky I guess.. I'm not depressed but I have spent the odd post-bender Sunday really really low. And if I'm honest bad football results would knock me off track for a couple days :oops: alongside other human issues like loss, rejection and bosses.
Yeah, that's not really clinical depression though, that's just your mood being affected by stuff that happens.
 
I'm not sure there are signs tbh although I'm happy to be corrected. Some people will be obviously depressed- people who used to be the life and soul of the party as it were will suddenly not want to go out, or they'll want to go out some of the time but other times be strangely withdrawn. The trouble is a lot of the time people hide their depression, or they might be fine when with people but be very depressed when on their own, making it very hard for friends to help as, as far as they know, there isnt anything wrong.

It is an illness which i think needs a lot more discussion and a lot more information needs to be known about it. It still has a stigma whereby people think that someone who is depressed just needs to "man up" or "pull themselves together" and this stigma often leads to people who are depressed not wanting to speak about it for fear of being accused of attention seeking. Sometimes of course people simply keep it all in because they dont want to "burden" people or because they think there is nothing anyone can do which would help them. All in all its a bastard of an illness and one which not enough is known about and which too often people try to handle on their own. People just need to try and learn as much as they can about the symptoms that do exist and remember that sometimes it can be affecting the person you least expect it to.
 

janiep

Striker
that's the problem i have. all my mates are regular matchgoers and thats when we meet up most. banter and pisstaking is rife and sometimes gets very near the knuckle. i would hate to think our pisstaking tipped someone over the edge. To be honest if i asked a mate if he was ok, he'd be wondering what wind up i was up to
In the light of the recent awful events concerning your friends, I think you have a good opportunity to say to them "I'm going to be serious for once. Feel free to rip the piss after I've spoken, but I'm going to say it anyway."
 

naughtynose

Striker
Acceptance is vital in beating it/coming to terms with it I feel.

I've only recently got myself down the doctors to get it sorted out. They offered medication but I didn't want that, think I'm gonna try the counselling route and hope for the best.
Good luck with that bud
 
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ayesane

Guest
Yeah, that's not really clinical depression though, that's just your mood being affected by stuff that happens.
Yeah but it if I was effected enough, or I couldn't snap out of it: it would be clinical depression..
 

FootballFan

Striker
I had it and not ashamed to admit it, its an illness that is kept in the dark too much. Was a bugger to get rid of. Doc had me on a dozen different pills before he found one that helped. Was on them for 3 years and sometimes need to go back to them still, the bugger is that it can recur.
 

naughtynose

Striker
Yeah but it if I was effected enough, or I couldn't snap out of it: it would be clinical depression..
The feeling of not being able to just 'snap out of it' is the most frustrating for myself, its like your mind is just in control of you. Its then when you feel totally hopeless. You just ask yourself 'why cant i do this?'
 

mackem1989

Midfield
that's the problem i have. all my mates are regular matchgoers and thats when we meet up most. banter and pisstaking is rife and sometimes gets very near the knuckle. i would hate to think our pisstaking tipped someone over the edge. To be honest if i asked a mate if he was ok, he'd be wondering what wind up i was up to
The piss taking and treating me normal helped me on mate.
 

naughtynose

Striker
I had it and not ashamed to admit it, its an illness that is kept in the dark too much. Was a bugger to get rid of. Doc had me on a dozen different pills before he found one that helped. Was on them for 3 years and sometimes need to go back to them still, the bugger is that it can recur.
Good luck mate, speak about it always, realise it.

I got myself to a pretty good level last year, then came off and went downhill pretty rapidly. Now im gradually making small steps again, its a struggle though
 

janiep

Striker
I had reactive depression following the death of my mother, a common response to bereavement. The signs in me were:

* almost permanent feelings of anxiety/panic (not necessarily visible to others: I just looked very quiet)
* very, very tired: slept 10-12 hours a day (a blessing)
* probably rather subdued in company

It passed, thank God, after about 18 months.

The point of me telling you this is that you asked what the signs can be and unfortunately they can be hard to spot. That's why I think you need to check in on people from time to time, particularly someone who's had a terrible life event in the past 2-3 years (bereavement, divorce, infertility issues, critical illness).
 
The feeling of not being able to just 'snap out of it' is the most frustrating for myself, its like your mind is just in control of you. Its then when you feel totally hopeless. You just ask yourself 'why cant i do this?'
I think this sums a lot of it up.

It sounds very cliched, but without any form of hope you really do feel empty inside.
 
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