Death of a friend



Given the highlighted bit, you think the SMB will be an improvement ?

Never been in your situation friend wise though, so hope you get better at dealing with it.
There’s lots of people on here been through similar and although this place is brutal for most things, life’s struggles as supportive behaviours is something that this place does exceptionally well.
Even space hopper might be along in a bit with some supportive quip.
 
Anyone on here got any advice on dealing with the death of a friend? One of my closest friends commited suicide 3 weeks ago completely unexpectedly and the funeral was yesterday. Ive never really had to deal with grief or a loss like this before, closest i can compare to has been elderly grandparents or dogs which doesnt even come close. Can't even describe how much it hurts at the moment and it doesn't seem to be getting better with time so far!

Feeling totally unequipped for this to be honest and dont know if im handling this the right way. My instinct is just to lock myself down and wallow so been going out my way to keep occupied and meeting up with people. Hating spending time with anyone who didnt know him and isnt at least slightly in the same boat as me, i know they're trying to help but generally just giving me the rage with the shitty platitudes and pop psychology. Which isnt fair on them at all but im really struggling not to lose me temper at times Mutual friends, his family and specifically his fiance have all provided some source of comfort so been spending alot of time with them just talking about him and sharing what we're going through. Im working away for the next 2 weeks though and absolutely dreading the thought of rattling about hotels on me own or even worse having to make small talk over a beer with colleagues.

So aye, over to you wise old SMB. Any advice on not just falling into a pit of despair would be much appreciated.
Me and our lass have been through some awful shit together.
What’s got us through it is each other and plenty of support ,love and affection.

Having someone to be their for you and help you through it helps.As does having a dog aswell,makes you go for a walk to clear your head.
 
Anyone on here got any advice on dealing with the death of a friend? One of my closest friends commited suicide 3 weeks ago completely unexpectedly and the funeral was yesterday. Ive never really had to deal with grief or a loss like this before, closest i can compare to has been elderly grandparents or dogs which doesnt even come close. Can't even describe how much it hurts at the moment and it doesn't seem to be getting better with time so far!

Feeling totally unequipped for this to be honest and dont know if im handling this the right way. My instinct is just to lock myself down and wallow so been going out my way to keep occupied and meeting up with people. Hating spending time with anyone who didnt know him and isnt at least slightly in the same boat as me, i know they're trying to help but generally just giving me the rage with the shitty platitudes and pop psychology. Which isnt fair on them at all but im really struggling not to lose me temper at times Mutual friends, his family and specifically his fiance have all provided some source of comfort so been spending alot of time with them just talking about him and sharing what we're going through. Im working away for the next 2 weeks though and absolutely dreading the thought of rattling about hotels on me own or even worse having to make small talk over a beer with colleagues.

So aye, over to you wise old SMB. Any advice on not just falling into a pit of despair would be much appreciated.

I agree with the first post, humour can be key, am sure you took the piss out of your mate a lot, that shouldnt stop. Its so tough like when its suicide, death is hard, it becomes harder with this. So sorry to hear that mate. This is pop psychology here so I apologise but just one day at a time, one foot in front of the other, time is a healer when it comes to trauma.

Stick in their mate, absolutely natural what you are feeling.
Given the highlighted bit, you think the SMB will be an improvement ?

Never been in your situation friend wise though, so hope you get better at dealing with it.

the SMB is brilliant for stuff like this, people are really nice and helpful.
 
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A Mate of mine did the same 6 year ago now took himself off to the woods and hung himself left his lass and three kids

It was a nitemare but the only advice i have is take your time let yourself mourn and i can tell you it does get easier with time

Me and the other lads get together once a month even if its just for an hour now but at the time of his death it was for longer and we talked and talked about him because he was a big character in our group and we all grew up with him playing football mostly together

So yeah take your time and just remember him and the good times and keep talking to people or us lot on here

Keep your head up pal and thoughts are with you
 
Anyone on here got any advice on dealing with the death of a friend? One of my closest friends commited suicide 3 weeks ago completely unexpectedly and the funeral was yesterday. Ive never really had to deal with grief or a loss like this before, closest i can compare to has been elderly grandparents or dogs which doesnt even come close. Can't even describe how much it hurts at the moment and it doesn't seem to be getting better with time so far!

Feeling totally unequipped for this to be honest and dont know if im handling this the right way. My instinct is just to lock myself down and wallow so been going out my way to keep occupied and meeting up with people. Hating spending time with anyone who didnt know him and isnt at least slightly in the same boat as me, i know they're trying to help but generally just giving me the rage with the shitty platitudes and pop psychology. Which isnt fair on them at all but im really struggling not to lose me temper at times Mutual friends, his family and specifically his fiance have all provided some source of comfort so been spending alot of time with them just talking about him and sharing what we're going through. Im working away for the next 2 weeks though and absolutely dreading the thought of rattling about hotels on me own or even worse having to make small talk over a beer with colleagues.

So aye, over to you wise old SMB. Any advice on not just falling into a pit of despair would be much appreciated.

Best thing I ever did was have half a dozen weekly, hour long sessions with a counsellor. I did the bloke thing of bottling up tremendous grief and it was taking a toll. Saw a lovely counsellor at st Benedict’s hospice who I unburdened to and was a snivelling wreck within minutes. Couldn’t do that with my own family, but something about talking to a total stranger in a safe, confidential environment that is very effective and cathartic. It doesn’t make the grief go away, but it certainly helps put things in perspective and gives you coping strategies.

PS very sorry for your loss mate.
 
One of my mates did it 15 months ago. My advice is spend time with mates who knew your mate, talk about the funny stuff, the stupid things they did and take the piss as if they are there with you. Do things to remember him, I did a gig in my local where my mate was a regular, it was a great night and raised a few quid towards the restoration of his campervan project which he never finished.
 
Anyone on here got any advice on dealing with the death of a friend? One of my closest friends commited suicide 3 weeks ago completely unexpectedly and the funeral was yesterday. Ive never really had to deal with grief or a loss like this before, closest i can compare to has been elderly grandparents or dogs which doesnt even come close. Can't even describe how much it hurts at the moment and it doesn't seem to be getting better with time so far!

Feeling totally unequipped for this to be honest and dont know if im handling this the right way. My instinct is just to lock myself down and wallow so been going out my way to keep occupied and meeting up with people. Hating spending time with anyone who didnt know him and isnt at least slightly in the same boat as me, i know they're trying to help but generally just giving me the rage with the shitty platitudes and pop psychology. Which isnt fair on them at all but im really struggling not to lose me temper at times Mutual friends, his family and specifically his fiance have all provided some source of comfort so been spending alot of time with them just talking about him and sharing what we're going through. Im working away for the next 2 weeks though and absolutely dreading the thought of rattling about hotels on me own or even worse having to make small talk over a beer with colleagues.

So aye, over to you wise old SMB. Any advice on not just falling into a pit of despair would be much appreciated.
You could go and see a professional counsellor if you think it will help. They are obviously trained to deal with this sort of thing and speaking about your feelings can really help.

Years ago when my long term partner left me and I was dealing with a range of issues, I think it really helped me.
 
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Anyone on here got any advice on dealing with the death of a friend? One of my closest friends commited suicide 3 weeks ago completely unexpectedly and the funeral was yesterday. Ive never really had to deal with grief or a loss like this before, closest i can compare to has been elderly grandparents or dogs which doesnt even come close. Can't even describe how much it hurts at the moment and it doesn't seem to be getting better with time so far!

Feeling totally unequipped for this to be honest and dont know if im handling this the right way. My instinct is just to lock myself down and wallow so been going out my way to keep occupied and meeting up with people. Hating spending time with anyone who didnt know him and isnt at least slightly in the same boat as me, i know they're trying to help but generally just giving me the rage with the shitty platitudes and pop psychology. Which isnt fair on them at all but im really struggling not to lose me temper at times Mutual friends, his family and specifically his fiance have all provided some source of comfort so been spending alot of time with them just talking about him and sharing what we're going through. Im working away for the next 2 weeks though and absolutely dreading the thought of rattling about hotels on me own or even worse having to make small talk over a beer with colleagues.

So aye, over to you wise old SMB. Any advice on not just falling into a pit of despair would be much appreciated.
Happened to me 3 years ago, made even worse that he attempted to tell me something was up the week prior and then changed his mind and said it didn't matter. If I'd pushed him on it I may of changed his mind.

Weirdly I found comfort speaking to those who were struggling more than I was, even though I was struggling myself. By trying to help them I was also helping me in a perverse way.

Not a day goes by I don't think about him, and miss him terribly.
 
Anyone on here got any advice on dealing with the death of a friend? One of my closest friends commited suicide 3 weeks ago completely unexpectedly and the funeral was yesterday. Ive never really had to deal with grief or a loss like this before, closest i can compare to has been elderly grandparents or dogs which doesnt even come close. Can't even describe how much it hurts at the moment and it doesn't seem to be getting better with time so far!

Feeling totally unequipped for this to be honest and dont know if im handling this the right way. My instinct is just to lock myself down and wallow so been going out my way to keep occupied and meeting up with people. Hating spending time with anyone who didnt know him and isnt at least slightly in the same boat as me, i know they're trying to help but generally just giving me the rage with the shitty platitudes and pop psychology. Which isnt fair on them at all but im really struggling not to lose me temper at times Mutual friends, his family and specifically his fiance have all provided some source of comfort so been spending alot of time with them just talking about him and sharing what we're going through. Im working away for the next 2 weeks though and absolutely dreading the thought of rattling about hotels on me own or even worse having to make small talk over a beer with colleagues.

So aye, over to you wise old SMB. Any advice on not just falling into a pit of despair would be much appreciated.
Sorry this is late bud. Hope your feeling a little better. As a psychiatric nurse I would say that EVERYONE grieves differently and there are no " one prescription fits all " when coping with the death of a loved one. I've included a link to MIND web site, a really fantastic mental health source of information written in terms we can all understand. Hope things improve for you bud.

 
Hi folks.

Not a death if a friend as such. My best friends dad just passed away other day.

I’ve been up putting wardrobes up for her today and I’ve sat and had a beer with her and her mam and sister today.

Hate seeing my someone I love being in pain. Wish I could take it away for them.

To be honest we have laughed together today. Even in bad times. That’s what happens though as you re tell stories and such.

Just trying to be a good friend.

Take care people and love your loved ones.

All the best Rhubarb xx
 
Lost my grandad three weeks ago. Work gets me through the week but by time Friday night comes I just hit a brick wall and I'm in bits.

Grandma has mild (for now) dementia and has since been moved into a home but she's getting rapidly worse with the current circumstances, which isn't making things any easier.
 
Lost my grandad three weeks ago. Work gets me through the week but by time Friday night comes I just hit a brick wall and I'm in bits.

Grandma has mild (for now) dementia and has since been moved into a home but she's getting rapidly worse with the current circumstances, which isn't making things any easier.
All the best to you and yours mate, especially as we approach Christmas which I know makes loss feel more profound. I lost my grandad in 2010 through stomach cancer and he was a total father figure for me - I've probably not been the same since. Nanna has been in a home since 2017 with dementia and now skin cancer, and it's really hard to see them going through it all.
 
Lost my grandad three weeks ago. Work gets me through the week but by time Friday night comes I just hit a brick wall and I'm in bits.

Grandma has mild (for now) dementia and has since been moved into a home but she's getting rapidly worse with the current circumstances, which isn't making things any easier.
Totally different scenario to me and i personally found little comfort in the words of people who weren't in the same boat (other than surprisingly the smb on this thread). But ill try anyway. It does get better, ill never not be sad about what ive lost. But the crippling heartbreak slowly changed to something more manageable. I've taken a similar approach to how i do with supporting the lads. Keep the faith and enjoy the wonderful memories.
Hi folks.

Not a death if a friend as such. My best friends dad just passed away other day.

I’ve been up putting wardrobes up for her today and I’ve sat and had a beer with her and her mam and sister today.

Hate seeing my someone I love being in pain. Wish I could take it away for them.

To be honest we have laughed together today. Even in bad times. That’s what happens though as you re tell stories and such.

Just trying to be a good friend.

Take care people and love your loved ones.

All the best Rhubarb xx
All you can do unfortunately. Be there for your friend and you'll be a great help
Sorry this is late bud. Hope your feeling a little better. As a psychiatric nurse I would say that EVERYONE grieves differently and there are no " one prescription fits all " when coping with the death of a loved one. I've included a link to MIND web site, a really fantastic mental health source of information written in terms we can all understand. Hope things improve for you bud.

They have and they'll continue to thankyou. I couldnt even face this thread for a long time but im in a better place with everything now. It still hurts every day and probably always will but there wasnt a wrong post on the whole thread. Ive came across andys man club, think im going to give them a go to keep myself right.


Also @becs would've loved to have made your event at the sol but it was my daughter's 18th that night. Please let me know of there's any other ones
 
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They have and they'll continue to thankyou. I couldnt even face this thread for a long time but im in a better place with everything now. It still hurts every day and probably always will but there wasnt a wrong post on the whole thread. Ive came across andys man club, think im going to give them a go to keep myself right.


Also @becs would've loved to have made your event at the sol but it was my daughter's 18th that night. Please let me know of there's any other ones

Good to hear you are feeling a little better. It's hard as sometimes it just hits you again when you are least expecting it, so keep looking after yourself xx

I will post details if there are further events.

There's also @SPACEnortheast in the Foundation on Wednesday nights at 7pm. That's blokes only and similar to Andy's Man Club. I've met the man who founded it and one of his helpers and they're both cracking blokes. You'll be very welcome there.
 

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