Culinary Cock-ups



Not a culinary cock up as such but I once shared a recipe of one of my dishes but suggested using Ricin when I meant Rice Mirin. :lol:

I had a few loaf disasters when I first got my bread machine but the only other cock up I can recall was when I attempted to make sushi. I'll see if I can find the photos of the carnage.
 
Not a culinary cock up as such but I once shared a recipe of one of my dishes but suggested using Ricin when I meant Rice Mirin. :lol:

I had a few loaf disasters when I first got my bread machine but the only other cock up I can recall was when I attempted to make sushi. I'll see if I can find the photos of the carnage.

I seem to remember putting ingredients in mine and forgetting to switch the timer on, so instead of getting up to freshly baked bread, I got up to a tin of soggy flour. Or forgetting to put the yeast in and waking up to a well done brick.
 
What's yours?

I cook just about everything in our house, and I'm not too bad at it either, but last night I think for the first time ever I cooked up something that was inedible.

Wanting something fairly quick and easy I thought I'd use the Blue Dragon Singapore noodle kit that's been sat in the cupboard for months a do a stir fry. Now I often use their very good pad thai kit (I'd recommend it - miles easier than fannying about with tamarind), have cooked plenty of stir fries, and kna how to cook a noodle. OR at least I thought I did.

This packet you see came with very thin vermicelli rice noodles which I've never used before, and not reading the instructions properly I chucked them in a pan of boiling water and cooked them for 5 minutes as I would ordinary rice noodles. Now on post inspection, I apparently should have turned the heat off as soon as I added them to the pan. Well wharra disaster.

I had me doubts when I drained them, but forging ahead I hoyed them in the wok and finished it off. Whey man they just dissolved, and all I was left with was a prawny, peppery, curried wall paper paste. :cry: :lol:

Ended up picking out the prawns, chucking the rest in the bin, and opening a tapas platter for an improvised picky tea.
Not me personally but when I was a kid my mam got one of those new fangled microwave ovens. She put the Christmas pudding in for 40 minutes insisting the 4 minutes on the packet was a misprint. We got the hacksaw out and still couldn't cut it
 
someone from here gave me a recipe for chicken and peaches,served it up to the wife and kids and they were all violently sick.
ended up having to get a takeaway in for tea :lol:
 
When we were on the road in Morocco, picked up a tube of tomato paste to hoy in the pasta, put plenty in, turned out it was harissa. Couldn't even eat second forkful, the stray dog that was hanging about got the full pan knocked it all down in about twenty seconds. He looked at us with a sort of wtf expression and just took off like a greyhound, think he was running out to sea to get away from his burning arsehole.
 
Worked in a hotel and had live in accommodation, finished an evening service and put a massive gammon on to boil to use the next day for sandwiches, anyway went to the bar for a drink then off to the staff room then off to bed :confused: woke bolt upright about 4 in the morning in a panic and ran to the kitchen which was thick with smoke. Got rid of the evidence before the manager got up (he did notice the smell and suggested the ovens might need a clean) still don't know how I didn't burn the place down.
 
The only one where I've truly fucked up is in some slow cooker potato thing. It was absolutely rank. Recipe called for a cinnamon stick, which we didn't have, so I thought it'd be reet if I used a small amount of cinnamon powder. Like, the tiniest amount. Turns out nor. Nor you cannot. A little goes a long way with cinnamon powder it seems.
 
Tried to make Thai green curry from scratch to impress my (now) wife (no). Was failing to make a nice curry paste with a really shite blender and I lost my rag and punched fuck out of it, breaking the lid into bits and pieces. I scraped out the half formed paste, soldiered on, cooked the meal and to be fair to her she ate it, but we were constantly having to pick little, broken bits of plastic blender lid out of each mouthful :oops:
 
Tried to make Thai green curry from scratch to impress my (now) wife (no). Was failing to make a nice curry paste with a really shite blender and I lost my rag and punched fuck out of it, breaking the lid into bits and pieces. I scraped out the half formed paste, soldiered on, cooked the meal and to be fair to her she ate it, but we were constantly having to pick little, broken bits of plastic blender lid out of each mouthful :oops:
:lol::lol: - You must be a good talker or summit ;)
 
My SiL, who had always lived with parents, was home alone and rang me to ask how long she should boil and egg. I advised 4½ minutes for a nice boiled egg, she is not keen on too soft an egg, later on she called and asked again how long to cook an egg, why I asked, 'cos it was uncooked and inedible. When pressed, silly mare had started the timing when she had put the gas on and not when the water started boiling.
 
Not a culinary cock up as such but I once shared a recipe of one of my dishes but suggested using Ricin when I meant Rice Mirin. :lol:

I had a few loaf disasters when I first got my bread machine but the only other cock up I can recall was when I attempted to make sushi. I'll see if I can find the photos of the carnage.
Popped up on my FB memories today. :oops: :lol:
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