Best partridge episode

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The cone conversation with Dave Clifton from Basic Alan:

Alan: That was The Police 'Doo Doo Doo Daa Daa Daa', their gibberish classic, and my tribute to Her Majesty's police. It's nearly seven o'clock. This is Dave Clifton.

Dave: Yes, indeed! Good morning, my name's Dave Clifton, and there goes Alan Partridge, cone but not forgotten!

[Alan forces an appreciative groan, and laughs.]

Dave: You off to see a film, like Cone-an the Barbarian?

Alan:[Slightly annoyed, but still playing along] Yeah, good one.

Dave: Then watch a bit of TV, eh? Like Cone Dancing?

Alan: Yeah. Not so good, but fine.

Dave: Oh, come on Alan. What's the matter with you? Cone't you take a joke?

Alan: Oh, fuck off.

[Dave stares in shocked silence for a second, then regains himself.]

Dave: Actually, I am speechless. Dave Clifton is actually speechless. I don't believe you just said that.

Alan: You don't sound it. I wish you were.

Dave: Well I am. Now, I really don't know what to say. I find it really difficult to find a way -

Alan: [Interrupting] Try saying nothing!

Dave: You and I both know that dead air is a crime, and I think it's terrible that you have to fill it with swearing on your show.

Alan: Unfortunately, Dave, you are bang wrong. It's one minute past seven, it's your show, you're responsible for the output, I am technically a guest and you've failed to control me. Read the small print on your cone-tract.

[Dave looks annoyed.]

Dave: From 'Go West' -

Alan: - Fanny -

Dave: This is 'Call Me'.
 
That was Big Yellow Taxi by Joni Mitchell, a song in which Joni complains they 'Paved paradise to put up a parking lot', a measure which actually would have alleviated traffic congestion on the outskirts of paradise, something which Joni singularly fails to point out, perhaps because it doesn't quite fit in with her blinkered view of the world. Nevertheless, nice song.
 
Talking to Tony Hayers about his programme ideas:
Alan: “Inner City Sumo”.
Tony: What’s that?
Alan: We take fat people from the inner cities, put them in big nappies and then get them to throw each other out of a circle that we draw with chalk on the ground.
Tony: No no, it’s a bad idea.
Alan: Very cheap to make, do it in a pub car park!
Tony: NO!
Alan: If you don’t do it, Sky will.
Tony: Well I’ll live with that. Is that it?

Alan: No, no. Erm. “Cooking in Prison”.
Tony: Oh, no.

Alan: “A Partridge Amongst The Pigeons”
Tony: What’s that?
Alan: Well, it’s just a title. Opening sequence, me in Trafalgar Square feeding the pigeons going ‘oooh god’!
Tony: No, I’m sorry, no. Stop!

Alan: “Youth Hostelling with Chris Eubank”
Tony: No!

Alan: “Monkey Tennis”?
 
"These are sex people"

Lynn "What do you mean?"

"Look.....oh no I've pressed fast foward, it's like a hardcore Benny Hill"
 
Honestly couldn't pick one, though at a push I'd day series 1 of I'm Alan Partridge is slightly better than series 2. Both are genius.
Knowing Me Knowing You is classic too though, "headslapping"........
 
Right, I'll tell you an anecdote.

In 1974 I was catching the London train from Crewe station. It was very crowded; I found myself in a last-minute rush for the one remaining seat beside a tall, good-looking man with collar-length hair, it was the seventies; buckaroo! I looked up and saw it was none other than Peter Purves, it was the height of his Blue Peter career. He said, "You jammy bastard" and quick as a flash, I replied, "Don't be blue, Peter!" Needless to say, I had the last laugh, now fuck off!
 
When I was at an Alan Partridge/Tony Ferrino thing at the City Hall, Coogan as Ferrino tried to get me out of my seat to go on stage with him. I was terrified, basically. But looking back I wish I had! Idiot.
 
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