Best ‘one liners’ at a match


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In the clock stand .

Gary owers slipped over .

Bloke next to me shouted “owers you are on your back more than your lass “ .

Man I laughed .

A bloke next to me shouted something along the same lines, "Yer on yer arse more times than yer frosty arsed Mrs".

Not a fan but a half time team talk from Joe Harvey. One of his players was complaining he wasn't getting any help from his colleagues marking a speed merchant, Harvey's comment..."See how fast he can limp". At another talk in an ex player told a tale about one of his team talks, "Don't let them kid you into trying to play football".

My 9 year old son V Man Utd. Strachan taking a corner and my lad yells "Yer ginger moggie". He turned around and laughed.
 
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At Hull a few years ago in the cup, Alex Bruce was warming up and someone shouted does your lass shag you with a bag ower your head? And someone else shouted like “aye just like his mar did”
 
Me, probably aged around 7 in the clockstand paddock Vs Southend in the early 90s, I must have heard it somewhere and there was a lull in the crowd so up I piped with my high pitch voice the referees a w@#ker to the embarrassment of my dad and the amusement of all the nearby fans. I think we lost 4 2
 
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Story I was told.
Behind the goal when Perez was our keeper.
Lad singing"Lionel, Lionel, give us a wave", which Perez didn't respond to. The lad moaned like fuck, calling Perez a miserable bastard etc.
His mate explained that Perez was French and probably couldn't understand. Period of silence while our hero thinks about this and then, in his best allo allo french sings"Leeeonelle, Leeonelle give us a wave"
Cue hysterics from all in earshot.
 
In our miserable 19pt season, I remember us getting beat and being in the line waiting to leave. We'd played shit, got beat and the mood was suitably dour. Two lads in front of me were moaning about everything. You name any aspect of a matchday and they had it in their sights.

They had a dig at the park and ride buses, they had a go at the price of the beer, the manager, the weather, the players, the queues to leave. They had a pop at the quality of the shirts, the fact the tannoy was crackly and that they couldn't get a phone signal. Not a single aspect of the matchday experience was exempt from the tirade.

As we walked out of the concourse, a third lad, (who clearly knew them) pipes up. "Alright lads... Im driving next week. Want picking up so yous can have a few pints?"

Both of them reply enthusiastically and pretty much in unison......

"Aye, Im looking forward to it, should be a canny game".

sums up being a fan of this club...
“How Jozy man. You can trap a ball further than I can kick it “

It's funny, because its true
 
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I'm sure more will come back to me, but I remember being at Burnley away a few years ago, losing 3-2 (we went on to win 4-3). Lull in the game as Dwight Gayle was down recieving treatment, and a very indignant young voice came floating across from the home end... "EAGLES!? MORE LIKE FOOKEN PIGEONS!"

Which cracked us all up, then even more when the lads dad started scolding him :lol:
Always remember at Roker when there was a minute’s silence. Some bloke walked in to the back of the Fulwell and you could hear a pin drop.

“Who’s f***ing deed like?”
Brilliant. Just brilliant. Could imagine it happening too :lol:
 
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Years ago in the Fulwell, I was questioning why people from the North East travelled up to Glasgow to watch Scotland play internationals (and there were quite a few). My mate in all seriousness said "Well we are closer to Scotland" - although we all kinda knew what he meant, he got the piss taken out of him, even by people we didn't know who had overheard his comment!
 
Gordon Armstrong is near the Clockstand touch line. He pauses as he weighs up a pass. Or maybe a run up the wing.

A voice in the crowd yells “Go on Gordon, BELIEVE in yerself!!.”

There’s a brief pause...

“... nee fucker else does”
 
This may be more allegorical than true and it's Fulham, not us... when an opposition player was injured, receiving treatment, a Fulham supporter shouted at the players standing around as treatment was administered 'Oi, Fulham, don't just stand there, practice'. I plagiarised this at a Chesham United match. People laughed, so I guess that makes it real.
 
Here's a couple. At the SOL Kilbane is taking a corner and a bloke shouts, 'If this is a decent corner I'll go and boil my head'. It wasn't and in the same breath the bloke continued ' Well I don't have to go and boil my head now.' My favourite though is from Gordon Strachan who felt Le Tissier was having a quiet game and yelled, ' Get warmed up Matt,I'm bringing you off.'
 
Old boy in front of us when Ross Wallace got himself booked again for taking his top off again after scoring again. Amidst all the celebrations he was absolutely furious - "they should strap his shirt to his bloody bollocks!"
 
Gordon Armstrong is near the Clockstand touch line. He pauses as he weighs up a pass. Or maybe a run up the wing.

A voice in the crowd yells “Go on Gordon, BELIEVE in yerself!!.”

There’s a brief pause...

“... nee fucker else does”

Can't be true, we were never nasty to our players at Roker Park. Only ever fully backed them if this place is anything to go by
 
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