Best ‘one liners’ at a match


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Steve Moran, Steve Moran What's it like to f***a Swede what's it like to f*** a Swede. Same match as Tina perhaps.
My school team were guests that days got told off by my teacher for joining in with the chant, was a 1 all draw, McCoist with an overhead from close in. The Tina chant was earlier.

My personal favourite and I wasn’t even there, was relayed to me by a mate who travelling on a mini bus from Peterborough on a way to a Lads match in the Midlands and overheard the following from two older blokes in front.

One bloke had just returned from Verona where he had been for a weekend break with his Mrs and had been to see Romeo and Juliet at the open air coliseum. His quote went something like this.

“when they played Dance of the Knights by Prokofiev, it was one of the singular most moving experiences of my life and I had tears in my eyes…… anyway would you like another slice of corned beef pie Bob”
 
My school team were guests that days got told off by my teacher for joining in with the chant, was a 1 all draw, McCoist with an overhead from close in. The Tina chant was earlier.

My personal favourite and I wasn’t even there, was relayed to me by a mate who travelling on a mini bus from Peterborough on a way to a Lads match in the Midlands and overheard the following from two older blokes in front.

One bloke had just returned from Verona where he had been for a weekend break with his Mrs and had been to see Romeo and Juliet at the open air coliseum. His quote went something like this.

“when they played Dance of the Knights by Prokofiev, it was one of the singular most moving experiences of my life and I had tears in my eyes…… anyway would you like another slice of corned beef pie Bob”
🤣🤣🤣
 
Mate of mine who I knew from school. We were towards the back of The Fulwell end and we scored. Can't remember the opposition. Cue bedlam, and everybody was being pushed and pulled in the celebrations. This lad (from near Durham) got a bit fed up, pulled himself out of the celebrating throng and shouted at those behind him.... "How man... if yez want to dance gan to Rixy's". Obviously won't be funny by the high standards required on here by some, but I was giggling all the way through the second half.
 
Not at a match but a one liner I thought was canny. It was the True Geordie after we battered them 3 - 0.

“Sammy Ameobi, he’s that f***ing slow, I thought he was buffering”
There was another in another 3-0 where he said 'Altidore we make him look like Didier f***ing Drogba today' :lol: :lol:
 
Me and my mates had season tickets in the clock stand seats almost 30 years ago. A woman in her 50's and her daughter sat in front. The odd pleasantry was exchanged but basically they sat quietly.

One day, completely out of the blue she stood up and shouted, Butcher, you useless big ape!

Terry was doing a terrible job as our player manager at the time.

As insults go it was tame as fuck but we were in stitches at the time.
 
Me and my mates had season tickets in the clock stand seats almost 30 years ago. A woman in her 50's and her daughter sat in front. The odd pleasantry was exchanged but basically they sat quietly.

One day, completely out of the blue she stood up and shouted, Butcher, you useless big ape!

Terry was doing a terrible job as our player manager at the time.

As insults go it was tame as fuck but we were in stitches at the time.
She’d ve been done for racial abuse now even to Terry butcher
 
Back when Joe Hart was doing adverts for Head and Shoulders. Someone shouted 'Joe...Joe...Joe', he finally turned round to look and they went 'you've dropped your dandruff'
 
a few I’ve heard at QPR down the years

“Oi Kitson your mums a wotsit “
Shouted at ginger haired Dave kitson

another one to the same player
“Strawberry blonde your having a laugh”

Alan Smith was having a go at a linesman
A few years back whilst playing for Arsenal , cue my old man yelling
“Fcuk off smith it was your nose that was offside you **** “
Brilliant 😁
Wasn't at a lads match but a Sunday league game I was playing in many years ago.
A lad who was playing on the wing wasn't seeing much of the ball and nobody was passing to him, piped up "am I fuckin invisible", someone on the touch line, quick as a flash shouted "who said that?"
The game was stopped for 5 minutes while we all fell about laughing

And we have a winner 😁😁☹️
 
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Missed two SAFC goals stuck in a big queue outside the Roker End for Benno's home debut game v Southampton (stayed to watch the last stripper at the Boilermaker's pre-match 🥴). A WPC on horseback is struggling to keep the impatient crowd at bay. Her horse is sweating up really badly. My mate shouts "how Mrs, ye hoss is sweaty" to which she instantly responds "you would be anarl, if you'd been between my legs for 4 hours". Classic!
Nor mate surely not? That's outstanding.
Young lad sitting on a barrier in the Fulwell spoiling folks's view, gadgie shouted "Gedown before I buck the arse off ya" and he did......get down that is :lol:
Thats fuckin abysmal and I'm crying
 
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Best goalkeeping performance i've ever seen..how can you not remember that! '93? Bosnich's save from Armstrongs header in the Fulwell End is best save i've seen live. We battered Villa that day and ended up getting beat 1-4. Dalian Atkinson hat trick. Their fans took a nasty kicking down Roker Avenue after the game. Horrible.

..that's the game Bally grabbed Jobes by the throat after Jones decided to pick on Derek Ferguson...Fashanu came over and didn't even bother!😅😅
Aye, Fashanu decided to racially abuse Richard Ord instead.
 
West Ham at home under Bruce, Andy Reid had a shot and it went f***ing miles wide, the old bloke shouts “andy that’s more lifting than my farts!!!!” :lol:
 
Coming out of the south west corner back when the away supporters were south stand. Little bit of argie bargie (might have been against Leeds.

Two mounted police charging through the crowds. One of the officers was a stern looking female and she was shouting for people to move. Some bloke shouts ‘ooohh I love a bird in jodhpurs’. She instantly looked down at him from atop of the horse with a scowl on her face and as sharp as darts he very quickly followed up with ‘do you know one?’

In fairness, she laughed. It was the noughties
 
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