Best ‘one liners’ at a match


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At Arsenal under Keane... They had ball girls (I'd guess about 12 years old) and as one ran on the pitch to get the ball, bloke behind us shouts "get off the pitch you f**king sl*t"
I know it shouldn't be however this is my favourite from some crackers on this thread.
Used to sit next to a old bloke who had no time for Ameobi. After almost every touch you would hear "for fuck sake Shola". Sometimes folk would point out that the mistake wasn't even made by him, he would always respond with "if it had gone to him he would have made an arse of it son".
 
That reminds me of one.

Traveling back on the tube after the 2014 Cup final, two lads got on fully dressed in army camouflage gear and sat next to me mate.

Tube must have gone another two stops when my mate suddenly looked at them, jumped back in his seat in fake shock.and said "Whoa when did you's get on"

Tube carriage was howling but the army lads weren't too pleased
Not football related, but similar.
I was in the Royal Navy, and we had to go to the Royal Marine base at Lympstone.
The guys on the main gate were all dressed like fuckin Action Man, all tooled up and camo gear on. When one asked for our ID cards, my mate said "Oh look, a f***ing talking tree"
They f***ing hate it.
Set the tone for the day.

Edit: If you ever meet a Royal Marine, ask him what instrument he plays.........then leg it.🤣
 
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It's the irony of him taking the supposed high ground, and proving himself to be completely morally bankrupt to everyone in earshot.
He might as well have declared himself paedophile in front of thousands of people.
 
1994 Sunderland were playing Wimbledon, at Selhurst in an FA cup game. Alan Kimble (Wimbledon Left Back), was packing quite a bit of timber at the time and played the first half on the side next to our mob. One of our fans latched onto him and slayed him mercilessly every time he came near, with shouts of "Thar she Blows" and "Go on Moby" "Skin the fat lad" etc, at every opportunity. The best "one liner" was when Kimble came to take a throw in right next to this lad, and he shouted "Hew Kimble, has your missus never told you about salads?" Give Kimble his due, after all the stick, he clapped and gave our fan a wave at full time. Obviously enjoyed the banter.
 
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1994 Sunderland were playing Wimbledon, at Selhurst in an FA cup game. Alan Kimble (Wimbledon Left Back), was packing quite a bit of timber at the time and played the first half on the side next to our mob. One of our fans latched onto him and slayed him mercilessly every time he came near, with shouts of "Thar she Blows" and "Go on Moby" etc, at every opportunity. The best "one liner" was when Kimble came to take a throw in right next to this lad, and he shouted "Hew Kimble, has your missus never told you about salads?" Give Kimble his due, after all the stick, he clapped and gave our fan a wave at full time. Obviously enjoyed the banter.
🤣🤣🤣
 
According to a mate of mine, who's just written a book about the ups and downs of supporting us, one lad was heard to say "All I ever wanted was a good football team and a widower's pension, and I've not seen any of them".

The book, by the way, while a bit embellished, is very, very, funny.
I think I read the same book recently. It was very funny indeed.
 
I went to see Reading play a few times, my mates uncles was a avid fan…
One game they’re knocking it around the back four…then back to the keeper and repeat… at one point they pass through midfield when my mates uncle who’s had enough by now stands up and shouts ‘ no you f***ing idiots !! Pass it to goalie….GOALIE..wrong way!!!’
 
Everton away 97 ish 3-1 win... game was 0-0 at the time at the atmosphere was a bit quiet... One of our fans just randomly shouts at the Everton end "you have gotta be the ugliest bastard people ive ever seen in my whole life!!!" atmosphere picked up ha ha
 
At a Rugby League game right down in the corner.
That huge man mountain Martin Offiah was in a tussle with an opponent all game until eventually Martin Offiah swung for him, the other player moved his head back and the punch just missed. The chap behind me shouted...
'Hey Offiah, next time, hit him with your c***!'
In fairnes both players looked and laughed. really funny.
 
Late 80’s/Early 90’s vs Villa in the cup.

Bosnich was playing out of his skin keeping them in the game (think they won 3-1/4-1). Phil Gray hit another beauty that Bosnich somehow tipped over the bar and heard one booming voice ring out in the Roker End. “He’ll get you next time Kylie”
Best goalkeeping performance i've ever seen..how can you not remember that! '93? Bosnich's save from Armstrongs header in the Fulwell End is best save i've seen live. We battered Villa that day and ended up getting beat 1-4. Dalian Atkinson hat trick. Their fans took a nasty kicking down Roker Avenue after the game. Horrible.
1994 Sunderland were playing Wimbledon, at Selhurst in an FA cup game. Alan Kimble (Wimbledon Left Back), was packing quite a bit of timber at the time and played the first half on the side next to our mob. One of our fans latched onto him and slayed him mercilessly every time he came near, with shouts of "Thar she Blows" and "Go on Moby" "Skin the fat lad" etc, at every opportunity. The best "one liner" was when Kimble came to take a throw in right next to this lad, and he shouted "Hew Kimble, has your missus never told you about salads?" Give Kimble his due, after all the stick, he clapped and gave our fan a wave at full time. Obviously enjoyed the banter.
..that's the game Bally grabbed Jobes by the throat after Jones decided to pick on Derek Ferguson...Fashanu came over and didn't even bother!😅😅
 
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Best goalkeeping performance i've ever seen..how can you not remember that! '93? Bosnich's save from Armstrongs header in the Fulwell End is best save i've seen live. We battered Villa that day and ended up getting beat 1-4. Dalian Atkinson hat trick. Their fans took a nasty kicking down Roker Avenue after the game. Horrible.

..that's the game Bally grabbed Jobes by the throat after Jones decided to pick on Derek Ferguson...Fashanu came over and didn't even bother!😅😅
I was drunk back then, until the Mrs showed me the errors of my ways……..
 
Reminds me of playing the Mags and they had a corner at the leazes end in front of us. Brian Kilcline came forward somewhat unnoticed till someone shouted "some fucker needs to mark Jesus at the far post" :lol: ... I was still giggling to myself 3 days later
I wouldn't worry he's not renowned for his ability on crosses.
Mentioned this one before. Just before kick off an announcement came over for Mr ---- to meet his wife at one of the Gates (don't remember which one). A bloke a couple of rows down sheepishly got up from the middle and started his way through the row. His mate started the chant, "You've got to do the shoppin" Which quickly caught on, and there were hundreds giving this poor bloke stick on his way down the stairs. He got even more cheers when he returned to his seat later waving a Tesco bag !
Really miss the days before mobile phones when it would be announced that some blokes wife had gone in to labour and he had to leave sharpish.
 
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Been told a story from an old one at Roker Park which always tickled me. We were playing Arsenal and David Seaman was in goal. Bloke behind the goal was apparently very drunk, and every time it went a bit quiet in the first half he'd go "DAVID, DAVID" and got no response. Not to be deterred, he kept trying. Eventually, just before half time Arsenal had a goal kick. "DAVID, DAVID" and after the kick had gone he turned round and said "For fuck sake, what?!" and the pissed up bloke replied "You've got Seaman on your shirt" which got a very good response from the people around him :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

That was the FA Cup game Bergkamp scored that goal against us. I was in the same stand absolutely buckled.
 
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