Best ‘one liners’ at a match


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not a one liner but at gillingham a couple of years ago the bloke on the tannoy was reading the team sheet out and announced 'number 10, charles wyke' cue a bloke near us singing the theme tune to 'charles in charge' (for those who don't know it's a 1980's sitcom starring scott baio) he knew all the words as well. me and the mrs were in creases but another you had to be there moment.

another one was at west ham's old ground a lad went down the front and sang the whole rap from chaka khan's i feel for you at shaka hislop. childish but amusing.
 
Not at a match but round at a mate’s house when I was still living in Sunderland so more than 20 years ago now. Opening day home game. His Mrs pipes up asking who we were playing and then asking where the Mags were playing. They were away. His Mrs then says “Ah that’s nasty that mind, you’d think they’d let all the teams play at home first game of the season”. Cue my mate wanting the floor to open up beneath him and the rest of us trying to suppress the giggles unsuccessfully.
 
When I lived in London watched a few Millwall games...and I always remember one old boy sat near me, kept shouting 'Referee you 'c...................nnnntttt'.....'
I have never heard anyone drag that C word on for so many seconds ever since... fairly sure he exceeded a minute at one point....
 
a few I’ve heard at QPR down the years

“Oi Kitson your mums a wotsit “
Shouted at ginger haired Dave kitson

another one to the same player
“Strawberry blonde your having a laugh”

Alan Smith was having a go at a linesman
A few years back whilst playing for Arsenal , cue my old man yelling
“Fcuk off smith it was your nose that was offside you **** “
 
Wasn't at a lads match but a Sunday league game I was playing in many years ago.
A lad who was playing on the wing wasn't seeing much of the ball and nobody was passing to him, piped up "am I fuckin invisible", someone on the touch line, quick as a flash shouted "who said that?"
The game was stopped for 5 minutes while we all fell about laughing
 
Early 90s in the clockstand paddock.
Jamie Lawrence our (previously "light-fingered") winger breaking out of defence........guy behind me shouts "Go on Jamie, get a goal"..... a voice to my left replied "Get us a TV whilst you're on"
Cue roars of laughter all around.

When Jamie Lawrence appeared for the very first time (pineapple on his head et al) an old bloke on the clockstand, near me, yelled ‘f***ing hell, ...it’s Diana Ross’.

I’ve no idea why I found it so amusing that I’ve remembered it all these years.
 
I cant claim this, I probably read it on here but it made me laugh

Some lad went to a game v Liverpool with his lass and as the teams came out his lass piped up 'Eeeeh that Micael Owen is much smaller in real life'

When she pointed at 'Michael' he realised she had mistaken the 6yo mascot for the England hot shot striker
 
Wasn't at a lads match but a Sunday league game I was playing in many years ago.
A lad who was playing on the wing wasn't seeing much of the ball and nobody was passing to him, piped up "am I fuckin invisible", someone on the touch line, quick as a flash shouted "who said that?"
The game was stopped for 5 minutes while we all fell about laughing

That reminds me of one.

Traveling back on the tube after the 2014 Cup final, two lads got on fully dressed in army camouflage gear and sat next to me mate.

Tube must have gone another two stops when my mate suddenly looked at them, jumped back in his seat in fake shock.and said "Whoa when did you's get on"

Tube carriage was howling but the army lads weren't too pleased
 
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