Alzheimer’s and dementia

Paddy O'Dors said:
Sorry to hear your bad news mate.

Looking ahead you might want to start looking at things that will help while your mum still has a degree of lucidity, such as Power of Attorney (not cheap if you go through a solicitors) so you can help with financial/health affairs. Also ring up utility companies etc now and get your name added as a third party authority on accounts so you can discuss them (this costs nowt but what you can do on the accounts is limited). These steps can ease a lot of frustration later on.
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Some great advice on this board as ever, thanks to all. We did the power of attorney thing a couple of years ago when my step dad unfortunately went the same way and his sons had a right time trying to sort it out as he was deemed incapable of making the decision. Funnily enough she still talks about him and his dementia without realising she has it herself. That in itself is a godsend I suppose.
 


Another tip, if you do get LPOA try and get a copy of the full document in PDF or scan a copy to a memory stick. Much easier sending it via email than conventional post and most companies will accept it this way too.
 
So sorry to hear your news, I really feel for you having watched my own mam go through exactly the same thing a few years ago.

All I can say is enjoy the good moments cos there is still some magic when they suddenly get some clarity and speak to you again, or break out into a familiar song. My mother remembered song lyrics long after she stopped conversing.

Best tip I can give you is to be very careful when the time comes for them to get specialist treatment in a care home. First place my mam went into was a disgrace and I spent a very hectic day up north driving around like a nutter with my dad trying desperately to get her into a better one. We eventually stumbled on a really good new place in Durham where she properly looked after by people who were trained to do it and had the right equipment.

Be ready for the day when she no longer knows who you are - it will break your heart.
 
My ma and her partner are both falling to this. The worst of it is that she lives in Farringdon and he lives in Wallsend. I can't see any way through it until one of them dies as awful as that may sound as they won't move in together and my ma has said she would rather die than go into care. I have a 33% (ish) success record of catching her in (here or Newcastle) even when I call half an hour before and say I'm coming up. He phones up (or in the past has turned up and started windmilling) as he is convinced that she is off with another bloke (both in their 80's). I have let myself into her house after knocking for ages to find her crying on the couch and then denying she was crying and 'There's nothing wrong'. If it was just her we could work towards some sort of resolution, but they have a long established timetable of meeting each other... and they both often get confused and get it wrong. I end up driving to Newcastle to pick her up and he is fuming as he is waiting at her house. Fuck's sake. I have cried buckets ower this, and when my Auntie (ma's sister) who moved to Australia 30 years ago phoned my uncle (ma's brother) to have a go at me for 'not pulling my weight' Our lass could have f***ing throttled her.
 
Paddy O'Dors said:
Sorry to hear your bad news mate.

Looking ahead you might want to start looking at things that will help while your mum still has a degree of lucidity, such as Power of Attorney (not cheap if you go through a solicitors) so you can help with financial/health affairs. Also ring up utility companies etc now and get your name added as a third party authority on accounts so you can discuss them (this costs nowt but what you can do on the accounts is limited). These steps can ease a lot of frustration later on.[/QUOTE


Not going to go into personal circumstances but we did Lasting Power of Attorney (LPOA) for me Mam a few years ago via a solicitor and it cost just under a grand. You can now do LPOA yourself and there are two types; one for health welfare and one for financial welfare, and the cost is £82 for each. They can be done quite easily online then print them off when registered. However, they must be done while the donor, the (potential) sufferer must be cognisant of what they are doing, so early diagnosis of that or any similar condition is essential.
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Raggy Lad said:
Not going to go into personal circumstances but we did Lasting Power of Attorney (LPOA) for me Mam a few years ago via a solicitor and it cost just under a grand. You can now do LPOA yourself and there are two types; one for health welfare and one for financial welfare, and the cost is £82 for each. They can be done quite easily online then print them off when registered. However, they must be done while the donor, the (potential) sufferer must be cognisant of what they are doing, so early diagnosis of that or any similar condition is essential.
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I would never advocate anyone to go to a solicitor if they're pretty confident they can do it themselves. Think it's through the gov.co.uk website. I've seen some solicitors charge well over a grand.
 
Paddy O'Dors said:
I would never advocate anyone to go to a solicitor if they're pretty confident they can do it themselves. Think it's through the gov.co.uk website. I've seen some solicitors charge well over a grand.
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Aye my missus and her sister just downloaded a load of forms, filled them in with their Dad, got them signed & witnessed then sent them off in the post. Took a few weeks to come through but they didn't need a solicitor.
 
I despise a lot of people in this world, but there's not many I would inflict Alzheimer's on.
Not so much for them, but for the people who have to endure the effects of it.
It's horrific.

Several family members have had variations of it and eventually succumbed to it. If I was diagnosed with it, I think I'd want to put a time limit on how my quality of life was and I'd consider a trip to Switzerland.
Not something you really want to think about, but I'd hate to think I'd become a burden
 
Paddy O'Dors said:
I would never advocate anyone to go to a solicitor if they're pretty confident they can do it themselves. Think it's through the gov.co.uk website. I've seen some solicitors charge well over a grand.
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On a previous post I would offer to support anyone with Power of Attorney (very easy) or Receivership with the Court or Protection
 
I managed without power of attorney, but my dad and me (when he was still not too bad) did go to the bank together where he asked them to grant me authority to operate his account - that didn't cost anything. Mind there was no property involved , I don't know how that would have complicated things.
Social services need to be involved. Age UK can help. Make sure there is a will and start listening out for which residential/nursing homes are good.
Make sure you ask all those questions about their childhood sooner rather than later, eventually it seemed with my dad that he could only talk about things that happened when he was a young boy. Music from their youth can be useful as well.
Good luck with your mam - it's not easy.
 
Morning all,

Strangely I’m very happy to see a thread on this on the first page as I and my family are currently going through the worst of what dementia has to offer with my 84-year-old Nan.

I would say it started off in August 2016 when my Dad and Step Mother took her to a part of Mallorca within the mountains where she has visited several times as her daughter has a place out there (was for a cousin’s wedding on this particular occasion). I didn’t go however me and my Dad were in touch just about every day and he told me it was becoming an increasingly hard break away as she was forgetting which room she was staying in, getting angry at people supposedly ‘plotting against her’ - we put this/these episodes mainly down to her being out of her usual comfort zone.

Probably around this same time she was becoming a bit of a recluse (living alone as my Grandad died around 1998). She’d stopped doing activities which had been her routine for years i.e. popping over her friend’s on a Monday, getting the bus over to Concord on a Wednesday to meet my Uncle for lunch, Galleries on a Friday etc.

Since then it has been a scary and heartbreaking declination which has saw her reside in Monkwearmouth Hospital for around seven weeks until Tuesday morning she was given a place in a care home in Wardley. I went to visit her that very evening as I had arrived back in the UK for Christmas earlier that day.

Seeing her for the first time in four months, not in her own home where she’d been as long as I’d been alive, was almost too much to bare. Her appearance, speech and general interest in anything was at rock bottom.

During the night on Tuesday going into Wednesday, she suffered a double stroke and is now in the RVI. Since then she has suffered pneumonia and in all honesty we don’t believe she is going to be here at Christmas which is very tough to write.

One of the most independent, great women I’ve ever had the fortune of having within my life ripped away by this horrible disease.

All I can say to anyone is, as hard as it is to smile when you’re around her because of the effects you can see first hand, learn to accept whatever they say and be as happy as you can be. Somewhere inside their lost mind they’re grateful that you’re still there.
 
snarlz II said:
My mam was diagnosed with this a month ago and today wandered out of her house and had a fall. Some lovely people took her to A&E where they treated her cuts and discharged her. Then pandemonium as we couldn’t find her, reported her missing to the police etc but she eventually was found to be still in the hospital. I’m not sure what my point is but we are there for her every day but I don’t think it’s enough and full time care seems to be the only way forward. What an horrendous disease it is to see someone change so much in front of you.
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I have avoided this thread until now becasue I try not to think about what it's doing to my dad. A number of posters on here know him from lots of places, he managed a few football teams as well as captaining darts, dominoes and bowls teams across Sunderland.

I have only just started posting on here again afater a break of about 18 months, (not that I have been missed), as I was trying to come to terms with what has been happening to him.

My mother passed away when she was 39 and my dad has been living alone ever since, he is 83 now.

He started to go for his paper at 4 and 5 in the morning, along Springwell Road to the garage, he would pass his own house on the way back and keep walking and my brother would get a phone call saying they spotted him walking in the central reservation in the early hours.

He would get angry with himself and others about the simplest of things, frsutrated even at not being fully aware of what was going on around him.

After a few more incidents we had to turn off the gas supply to the cooker as he was forgetting he'd turned it on, we arranged for his meals to be brought to him. He became a danger to himself.

On morning he set out for his paper and was nearly knocked down crossing the road and slipped and broke his ribs and was rushed to hospital, only then did social services take our pleas seriously and agree to assess him. In hospital he would wander the ward and put on any clothes he could find and try to leave to get his paper, this was 3 in the morning.

He never returned home again.

He has now been in a residential home for nearly 10 months now and although he is happy enough, he still gets angry at times but loves being around people.

I used to call him every Friday and have a chat, the calls were getting more and more repetitive by him asking the same questions every 3 or 4 minutes. I visited him only 2 weeks ago and to see how much he has deterioated was a bit of a shock to me, he did not recognise my son or my wife and couldn't remember my name.

It is a horrible desease for the sufferer and even worse for the family that suffers in silence.

One thing I know, he will soon be totally oblivious to all around him without a care in the world.
 
Another one here who's going through it with my Father In Law. He recognises his wife of 50 years and just about knows who his 3 daughters are, but has no idea who his 3 son in laws (of which I'm the newest, only 15 years!) are. Or his 5 grandchildren.

It really is horrible to see a proud man reduced to a confused old geezer. If there's one bit of advice I would pass on to anyone it would be to keep your sense of humour. In fact, hold on to you sense of humour like it's the most valuable possession you have. Because with dementia patients it really is the most valuable thing you have.

Every time he asks me what my name is, or what the roads are like on Snake Pass, or if I served with him in Egypt, or if we're off to Arnold Laver's timber yard, or where I did my National Service, I just smile and answer him as if it's the first time I've ever heard the question. He doesn't mean it.

I wouldn't wish this disease on my worst enemy.
 
Gibraltar Mackem said:
Morning all,

Strangely I’m very happy to see a thread on this on the first page as I and my family are currently going through the worst of what dementia has to offer with my 84-year-old Nan.

I would say it started off in August 2016 when my Dad and Step Mother took her to a part of Mallorca within the mountains where she has visited several times as her daughter has a place out there (was for a cousin’s wedding on this particular occasion). I didn’t go however me and my Dad were in touch just about every day and he told me it was becoming an increasingly hard break away as she was forgetting which room she was staying in, getting angry at people supposedly ‘plotting against her’ - we put this/these episodes mainly down to her being out of her usual comfort zone.

Probably around this same time she was becoming a bit of a recluse (living alone as my Grandad died around 1998). She’d stopped doing activities which had been her routine for years i.e. popping over her friend’s on a Monday, getting the bus over to Concord on a Wednesday to meet my Uncle for lunch, Galleries on a Friday etc.

Since then it has been a scary and heartbreaking declination which has saw her reside in Monkwearmouth Hospital for around seven weeks until Tuesday morning she was given a place in a care home in Wardley. I went to visit her that very evening as I had arrived back in the UK for Christmas earlier that day.

Seeing her for the first time in four months, not in her own home where she’d been as long as I’d been alive, was almost too much to bare. Her appearance, speech and general interest in anything was at rock bottom.

During the night on Tuesday going into Wednesday, she suffered a double stroke and is now in the RVI. Since then she has suffered pneumonia and in all honesty we don’t believe she is going to be here at Christmas which is very tough to write.

One of the most independent, great women I’ve ever had the fortune of having within my life ripped away by this horrible disease.

All I can say to anyone is, as hard as it is to smile when you’re around her because of the effects you can see first hand, learn to accept whatever they say and be as happy as you can be. Somewhere inside their lost mind they’re grateful that you’re still there.
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WillD said:
I have avoided this thread until now becasue I try not to think about what it's doing to my dad. A number of posters on here know him from lots of places, he managed a few football teams as well as captaining darts, dominoes and bowls teams across Sunderland.

I have only just started posting on here again afater a break of about 18 months, (not that I have been missed), as I was trying to come to terms with what has been happening to him.

My mother passed away when she was 39 and my dad has been living alone ever since, he is 83 now.

He started to go for his paper at 4 and 5 in the morning, along Springwell Road to the garage, he would pass his own house on the way back and keep walking and my brother would get a phone call saying they spotted him walking in the central reservation in the early hours.

He would get angry with himself and others about the simplest of things, frsutrated even at not being fully aware of what was going on around him.

After a few more incidents we had to turn off the gas supply to the cooker as he was forgetting he'd turned it on, we arranged for his meals to be brought to him. He became a danger to himself.

On morning he set out for his paper and was nearly knocked down crossing the road and slipped and broke his ribs and was rushed to hospital, only then did social services take our pleas seriously and agree to assess him. In hospital he would wander the ward and put on any clothes he could find and try to leave to get his paper, this was 3 in the morning.

He never returned home again.

He has now been in a residential home for nearly 10 months now and although he is happy enough, he still gets angry at times but loves being around people.

I used to call him every Friday and have a chat, the calls were getting more and more repetitive by him asking the same questions every 3 or 4 minutes. I visited him only 2 weeks ago and to see how much he has deterioated was a bit of a shock to me, he did not recognise my son or my wife and couldn't remember my name.

It is a horrible desease for the sufferer and even worse for the family that suffers in silence.

One thing I know, he will soon be totally oblivious to all around him without a care in the world.
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Steak Pie said:
Another one here who's going through it with my Father In Law. He recognises his wife of 50 years and just about knows who his 3 daughters are, but has no idea who his 3 son in laws (of which I'm the newest, only 15 years!) are. Or his 5 grandchildren.

It really is horrible to see a proud man reduced to a confused old geezer. If there's one bit of advice I would pass on to anyone it would be to keep your sense of humour. In fact, hold on to you sense of humour like it's the most valuable possession you have. Because with dementia patients it really is the most valuable thing you have.

Every time he asks me what my name is, or what the roads are like on Snake Pass, or if I served with him in Egypt, or if we're off to Arnold Laver's timber yard, or where I did my National Service, I just smile and answer him as if it's the first time I've ever heard the question. He doesn't mean it.

I wouldn't wish this disease on my worst enemy.
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Sending my best wishes to you all. Stay strong and try and make as many happy times as you can with them. It will help when the inevitable happens if you know you did everything you can to make their last days happier. I wish I'd gone to see my Gran more often. She was taken suddenly by a stroke one morning which came out of the blue. She'd got up, made a cuppa and was sitting reading her book like she did every morning before making her breakfast. By the time the early morning carer got there, she'd had the stroke and was gone :cry:
 
I’m here too.

My 86 year old mam has vascular dementia and Alzheimer’s.

Her condition has deteriorated quickly and has been in care a few months now.

I can’t add anymore that’s not already been said other than it’s an illness I wouldn’t wish on anyone.
 
Ginger John said:
Sending my best wishes to you all. Stay strong and try and make as many happy times as you can with them. It will help when the inevitable happens if you know you did everything you can to make their last days happier. I wish I'd gone to see my Gran more often. She was taken suddenly by a stroke one morning which came out of the blue. She'd got up, made a cuppa and was sitting reading her book like she did every morning before making her breakfast. By the time the early morning carer got there, she'd had the stroke and was gone :cry:
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You can't second guess yourself mate. If you'd seen her on Tuesday, you wouldn't have had that chat with her on Wednesday, you might have seen her on Thursday, she might have gone on Friday. You can only do what you can do.

I had to change my FiL in a public toilet a couple of months ago after an accident (we have the magic key from Age UK), and the fucker tipped me 50p. :lol:
 
Steak Pie said:
You can't second guess yourself mate. If you'd seen her on Tuesday, you wouldn't have had that chat with her on Wednesday, you might have seen her on Thursday, she might have gone on Friday. You can only do what you can do.

I had to change my FiL in a public toilet a couple of months ago after an accident (we have the magic key from Age UK), and the fucker tipped me 50p. :lol:
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:lol: Canny
 

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