Advice needed with ex and son.

Discussion in 'SMB' started by Jgrainger, Jan 14, 2019 at 10:58 AM.

  1. Jgrainger

    Jgrainger Central Defender

    My ex has recently started a new relationship and over the weekend it came to my attention from his ex of 6 years that he is a bit of a wanker. Abusive, a drunk and very controlling. He gave this lass a fractured cheekbone amongst other not very nice things. I have tried to talk to my ex about this as we have a 4 year old son who I am now clearly worried about. She has refused to believe any of it and has said he has given up the drink and that is ex is just a woman scorned blah blah blah.

    Unfortunately this ex never went to the police as she was terrified of him so as far as I believe he doesn’t have a domestic violence charge. Where do I stand legally with this as I have told her that Ill die before my little boy is allowed anywhere near him. I currently have him 2 nights a week, on a Tuesday after school and then one over the weekend.

    I know that there are 2 sides to every story but by all accounts the stories she told me where hard to hear and I am sick with worry.

    I know there is a thing called Clare’s law that I could contact the police about but I’m not sure how useful that will be if he doesn’t have an actual conviction of knocking anyone about. The lass has also given me a name and number of somebody to call at social services so I think I will call them at lunch.

    Any help or advice would be great!!
     
  2. Aituk7

    Aituk7 Winger

    Call the social services number, buy a baseball bat for in case he slaps your ex and a shotgun for in case he slaps your son.

    Good luck.
     
    dcl0sc and Schmarrnbeppi like this.
  3. Az*

    Az* Striker

    Ask him yourself if it’s true. Tell him who told you and the reasons for your concern. No way I’d let anyone who’s potentially fractured his mrs cheekbone anywhere near my kids, the ex could be talking horse shit like so I wouldn’t go in all guns...
     
    DisillusionedOldGit likes this.
  4. Jabberwocky

    Jabberwocky Midfield

    Did the ex seek you out or did you happen to bump into her?
     
    the boot and yyy like this.
  5. I would imagine if he has no charges, there's little you can do. (Legally)
     
    Sossidge Rerls likes this.
  6. yyy

    yyy Striker

    Fair question. How do you know or meet his ex? Has she sought you out due to genuine concern or to stick the bad in?

    I would ring social services at lunchtime if only to obtain proper advice. I would also talk to the Citizen's Advice Bureau, however, at this stage doing anything bar advisory without proper proof will be very difficult.
     
    alisafc likes this.
  7. Hep

    Hep Winger

    she can still bring charges
     
    Typhoonftm likes this.
  8. Some Random Guy

    Some Random Guy Striker

    You need to calm down mate. Blowing up your relationship with your ex by saying things like "I'll die before my little boy is allowed anywhere near him" is probably the wrong way of going about things. It will likely die of its arse pretty quickly.
     
    Jgrainger and Sossidge Rerls like this.
  9. But highly unlikely.
     
  10. Some Random Guy

    Some Random Guy Striker

    This.
     
  11. Jgrainger

    Jgrainger Central Defender

    She sough me out. It did cross my mind that this just might be a ex looking for revenge etc but to be honest I dont get that impression and I genuinely believe she is only looking out for me lad.
     
  12. nyron4england

    nyron4england Striker

    do some recon on the bloke? employment history, is he well known in the area, lifestyle choices etc. find out what kind of bloke he is. put the picture together for yourself, then see if the tip from the ex looks likely or out of place.
     
    Stevie Freestein II likes this.
  13. Mackemansj1

    Mackemansj1 Striker

    Tough one this mate, you”l have to play it well or risk coming out looking the bad guy yourself. I’d have a word man to man with him and lay it out.
     
  14. Some Random Guy

    Some Random Guy Striker

    I'm sure she sees it that way. Let's take it at face value, he likely didn't hit her because she burnt his tea. They were probably pissed as fuck, some horrible things were being thrown about and it happened.

    Is that okay? Fuck no, of course not.

    Should you be getting involved past giving your ex a heads up, which you've done, at this stage? Probably not.

    Spend your two nights a week with your kid and keep an eye out for any changes in behaviour, talk to him but don't pump him for information. He'll spill the beans if anything is going on.

    Not fun for you, and it's reasonable to be concerned, but going in half cock like you have is probably going to damage your relationship with your ex. Having a shitty relationship with the ex will cause issues with your relationship with your son.
     
  15. Jgrainger

    Jgrainger Central Defender

    I am speaking to Social Services at half past 3 relating to the case with this bloke and his daughter. At the moment he has access to his daughter every other weekend but is under instructions not to drink. Him and his ex are in court tomorrow as he now wants 50/50 access.

    The ex has messaged me today and has spoken with her solicitor who has told her she can show me the reports of abuse. He has a pretty tidy criminal record too which included 2 drink driving offenses, assault, burglary and fraud. Not things that can stop my boy seeing him though unfortunately.
     
    Some Random Guy likes this.
  16. Boz33

    Boz33 Winger

    I'd probably have a word in your ex wife's ear and say you have concerns and why.
    Going straight into the social services route may cause more problems than it solves in the respect that the fellas ex may be lying, but I guess once you've roused social services they'll then get involved with your kid and ex wife stirring up a load of resentment especially if the fella isn't guilty of anything.
    Although on the other hand I can completely see it from your point of view, wanting to be prudent, could be a right mess either way you slice it
     
    yorkyexile likes this.
  17. Just keep asking your son what he’s like when you see him, kids miss nowt

    He may well have changed tbf
     
    Lambchops, sidneyeric and Jgrainger like this.
  18. Andy_Roker1983

    Andy_Roker1983 Striker

    Still a worry mate, I just think of my kids and if I ever split with our lass the thought of them around someone like that would kill me. Is your ex a reasonable lass or is she attracted to this type of bloke?
     
  19. I'm going through similar at the minute. Two of the ex's mates (one I've never met in my life) have approached me recently, saying they wouldn't have their little un living under the same roof as the boyfriend. Her Mother has also hinted at it.

    Just talk to your ex mate, tell her to inform him you're keeping a close eye on it and will be there immediately on any hint of anything not appearing right. Failing that, get hold of him.
     
  20. itscoldinhere

    itscoldinhere Winger

    All joking aside if you put your hands on this bloke in front of witnesses you will fuck yourself up beyond belief.












    Black mask black outfit under cover of darkness
    If the situation warrants it that is
     

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