The Apprentice 2018



Rick Monk sounds like he should be the hero of a third rate adventure film... it's 1957, a plane crashes deep in the south American jungle. The only survivors are glamorous schoolteacher, Jasmine le Villier, six of her students (aged from 7 to 12), a nun (Sister Benjamina), an elderly British couple (Colonel Edgar McMaster and his wife Winnifred) and adventurer and man of steel, Rick Monk. Can Rick guide the survivors to safety? Is Sister Benjamina all that she seems? And, what was the cause of the crash?
 
Sian and Jasmine in a bitch-fest - can't wait.

Alex Finn - 21, IT Analyst
First time away from his hometown, probably the first time he's slept out.
Will cry on-screen before the third episode.

Camilla Ainsworth - 22, company owner
Parents named her after leech-like Royal, so will be pretentious and have ideas way above her station.
I reckon she'll be Katie Hopkins Mark 2

Daniel Elahi - 28, owner of a "Lifestyle Brand"
“I have the beauty and the brains, typically people only have one. I was blessed with both in abundance.”
Get in the f***ing sea, lad.

David Alden - 32, tax advisor
His ability to talk a lot is obviously inversely proportionate to how interesting he is.

Frank Brooks - 27, Senior Marketing Manager
Trying to compensate for premature hair loss by growing a stupid beard and being "brutal" in the boardroom.
Another cockney arsehole that Sugar will see straight through.

Jackie Fast - 34, Sponsorship Consultant
Sold one business and wrote a book about it. Big f***ing deal.
Seems a tad too full of herself.

Jasime Kundra - 34, Learning and Development Manage
“All is fair in love and war…and business is war.”
I lover her already, definite finalist.

Kayode Damali - 26, Professional speaker

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Reckons he's Idris Elba, too vain, won't last.

Khadija Kalifa - 28, owns an eco-cleaning company
"I’m a serious Mumpreneur who doesn’t have time for timewasters and idiocy"
A what? Get out!

Kurran Pooni - 22, Law graduate
Token posh twat. Silver spoon kid, daddy founded an airline.
He'll be rumbled by the second episode, the twat.

Rick Monk - 33, QC Inspector
Will reach the finals because his name alone.
Straight-talking Northerner, a businessman wi' nowt taken out.

Sabrina Stocker - 22, owns a tennis events company
More tokenism, this time she represents the blonde bimbo with brains category.
No doubt she'll complain about being sexualised, after wearing the shortest skirts and the tightest dresses.
Karren Brady will hate her.

Sarah Byrne - 29, owns a kids' acting academy
Elitism in business angers her, so she'll be putting on a fake Manchester accent to please the working class demographic.

Sarah Ann Magson - 37, solicitor
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Christ, the token North East candidate is a smoggy.
Looks properly stuck up and will try and patronise all of those present.
Out in the first week.

Sian Gabbison - 25, owns a swimwear brand
Watch out for racy pics getting leaked after she PM's and wins for the first time.
“I bring both the passion and the fire – in the boardroom, I will be merciless.”
Let's judge when we see the pics, love!

Tom Bunday - 28, owner of "Tree Surgery Firm"
Having struggled at school, Tom now runs a successful tree surgery business.
This means he's going to play the thick martyr that didn't get any GCSE's but was always good with his hands card.
He's got the name of a serial killer, so won't last past the fourth episode.
 

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