Things bairns say......

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Trying to read some of these at work without bursting out laughing is difficult :lol: been pretending to cough/sneeze to cover it up
 


I'm convinced my 3 year old is a psychopath in training. My missus was annoyed because the older bairn had been cleaning his football boots in the bathroom but had got mud and grass all over the floor and hadn't bothered to tidy it up.

The missus takes one look at it and says "I'm going to kill your brother". To which the 3 year old replies "it's ok mammy, I'll go and get a gun and I'll kill him for you".
 
our youngest, both said at the top of her voice in public:

in the supermarket: "mam why does that women have a big bum?"
when she saw a dwarf: "mam look a medium sized person"
 
Oh aye, another one from my slightly mad 3 year old. His aunt had a couple of cats. One of them got ill and had to be put down. We went down the road of honesty, just telling the bairn that one of the cats had got poorly and died. My lasses brother went down the road of telling his bairn that the cat had gone to live on a farm where there was more animals for it to play with.

This backfired when they both stayed at their nanas for the night. My lasses brothers bairn was nicely telling his nana about the cat going to a farm. My bairn overheard this, swaggered up, said "nah, the cats dead, it got knacked by a dinosaur" and walked back off again, leaving the other bairn in tears
 
My daughter (7 at the time) came home from school once and after several minutes asked... "Dad... what's a Paedophile?" :eek: :lol: Blew me away. Try explaining that to a 7 year old. Not f***ing easy I can assure you.


My Dad got me a Super Nintendo when I was 9 or 10, but didn't get a game I'd wanted. I wasn't bothered like. I was over the moon, dancing around the room. He laughs says to me... "Are you disappointed?". I gans.. "Nor nor! I'm pointed!" :cool:
 
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At the inlaws the other week and her aunt came in to see the kids - she said to Atilla, 'if your dad calls the baby his princess, what does he call you? - the bairns response 'shitey arse' and walked out the room
 
At the inlaws the other week and her aunt came in to see the kids - she said to Atilla, 'if your dad calls the baby his princess, what does he call you? - the bairns response 'shitey arse' and walked out the room
What's this 'Atilla' nonsense?
 
having a civilised conversation with my eldest about why he doesn't believe in god. He was pointing out all the Hausas of 'why are there natural disasters' and 'why do young kids die of nasty diseases' if they is a god

Little 'un pipes up, 'yeah, there wouldn't be nettles that sting you either'

its the boys name
Is this a whoosh?
 
having a civilised conversation with my eldest about why he doesn't believe in god. He was pointing out all the Hausas of 'why are there natural disasters' and 'why do young kids die of nasty diseases' if they is a god

Little 'un pipes up, 'yeah, there wouldn't be nettles that sting you either'


Is this a whoosh?

nah, wifes slovak/hungarian and its a family name
 
Oh aye, another one from my slightly mad 3 year old. His aunt had a couple of cats. One of them got ill and had to be put down. We went down the road of honesty, just telling the bairn that one of the cats had got poorly and died. My lasses brother went down the road of telling his bairn that the cat had gone to live on a farm where there was more animals for it to play with.

This backfired when they both stayed at their nanas for the night. My lasses brothers bairn was nicely telling his nana about the cat going to a farm. My bairn overheard this, swaggered up, said "nah, the cats dead, it got knacked by a dinosaur" and walked back off again, leaving the other bairn in tears

Similar, both my brothers bairns were stopping at my mam and dads (im still at home), younger of the 2 used to bully the older one a bit (push him, take toys off him etc). One day he walked into the room, said this isnt your grandma and grandad, its just mine, you have none and walked out. Older one just stood there looking shocked and sad. Would have only been aged 2&3 at the time :lol:
 
A few years ago I was in Hendon using the postoffice cashpoint when a granny walked past with 2 under-5 girls. One of them was excitedly telling the Nan a story about something that happened at school, when she blurted out.. "Aye aye, then I said "Fuck off man you black kuntt!". :eek: The Nan didn't even flinch until I turned around in utter shock and went "Eeeee", at which point the Nan pretended to be shocked and mumbled something to the kid. :rolleyes:

Racism is still rife in Sunderland. :cool:
 
My grandaughter only 4 had no concept of the death of my beloved Mam who she referred to as 'Pet'.
When her cat was put to sleep and my daughter was distraught at the vets the bairn asked whether 'Pet' would be waiting with some cat food ?!?
 
Reminds me of a long time ago, when number one son was on a bus when he was little. The only other people on were two older ladies who perhaps weren't in the best overall shape. They're chatting away about their arthritis and other ailments and number one son keeps looking at them. Then in a lull in the conversation he pipes up, loud enough for everyone to hear: "Dad, I thought only men are supposed to have a moustache..."


Kids are class, when my lad was about 3 we were on holiday in Cyprus it was greek night and we were queing up for the food, lady in front of me and the bairn was the spit and dab of Esther Rantzen, she turned round to say something to the little un when he looked up and stated loudly as they do "Me likes yours big teeth" :D :oops:
 
Just cracked up laughing as my daughter randomly said:

Mam, if you played for Barcelona, we could call you Mumtiti

:eek::lol::lol:

Anyone else got any funny ones?
My 7 yr old grandson said last week, Grandad do you know if you had your legs ripped off your nuts would still be in place. Where that come from no one knows.
 
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