Things bairns say......

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Daughter doing her homework on creating a logo. It's tree with birds flying away from it.

Me - it's an eagle
Daughter - no it isn't
Me - yes it is. That's an eagle
Daughter - no it isn't
Me - I'm telling you that Is an eagle.
Daughter - dad, the school said that if we are allowed to download it and paste it into the word document it isn't illegal.

Oh how we chuckled.
 


The Spezial One said:
Okay, 90% on here prob know it but for those that don't... :lol:

A lass I used to work with, her brother was on a bus in town one day with his lad who was about 3 at the time.

This black couple get on with their bairn in a pram and the bairn is sqwaling.

The lad turns to his Da and says innocently "Daddy, why won't that monkey stop crying?"

Everyone on the bus turns and looks. The Da just grabs his bairn and rings the bell to get off. Neewhere near his intended destination.
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I know this story from a relative.
 
My daughter during the I want to wear makeup phase and us always countering with you're not big enough.

We were stood in the queue in Tesco and head "MUM, MUUUUUM" turning round there was our little angel stood next to a dwarf lady, doing the measuring thing with her hand, "Look, she's wearing makeup and I'm bigger than her"
 
The bairn (3) has come out with some completely unprompted corkers that've got me in the bad books the past few weeks.

First, when getting told off by his mam, he said "Mammy's always grumpy". She looked at me like thunder and he finished "...when she's tired". I'd have preferred he left it at the pause.

Again, getting told off by his mam, he comes out with "We'll I don't care because Mammy's always wrong and Daddy's always right."

She won't be convinced I've never said either of them things to him. He's just an astute kid.
 
first time abroud when the bairn was 3 when we were down the beach and the lucky lucky man approached with his fake sunglasses

daughter asked why he was painted black...im glad he seen the funny side i didn't nah where to put me face
 
My 3 year old came out with a cracker the other night:

"When I'm a big girl I'm going to be a doctor. I'm going to help ladies have babies, I'll take the baby out of the mummy's tummy, then I'll put a nappy on the baby and give it a cuddle." [pauses for a couple of seconds] "Then I'll chop her hands off!"
 
Watching the world darts final on tele a couple of years back & Gary Anderson having an absolute nightmare phase trying to hit the doubles.
He's my sons favourite player so the bairn was going apeshit at the box for him to raise his game & improve his current form.
Me, after about ten minutes of his ranting at the television - "He can't actually hear you ya knar"
Son, in a thick as fuck quizzical manner - "Gary Anderson's deaf?"
 
4 year old niece asked me shall we go and hit uncle brent in the head until he bleeds and is dead?

My reply " no, keep on hitting him after he is dead as well "

:lol:
 
My mate gets home from work to be told by his Missus that their 5 year old daughter had told his MIL to piss off and had been sent to her room. He was told to sort it so he went upstairs to give the lecture. Usual stuff followed .... you know it's naughty to swear....you should be good for Mammy and Nana etc etc. Then he asked "Why did you use those very naughty words to Nana?"
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His daughter looked at him, threw her arms in the air and said "Cos she was getting on me tits Dad":lol:
 
b1gals said:
My mate gets home from work to be told by his Missus that their 5 year old daughter had told his MIL to piss off and had been sent to her room. He was told to sort it so he went upstairs to give the lecture. Usual stuff followed .... you know it's naughty to swear....you should be good for Mammy and Nana etc etc. Then he asked "Why did you use those very naughty words to Nana?"
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His daughter looked at him, threw her arms in the air and said "Cos she was getting on me tits Dad":lol:
Click to expand...

:lol:
 
With our lasses daughter & her 4 year old the other day she said to me I look like a tramp Hank

Bairn just got off the settee to walk out of room & said I kna you dee mam :lol:
 
Nephew has a small speech impediment and a mag, he's 6.....I think.....anyway he's giving it Sunderland are crap etc, I said come here and watch this, all the goals in the five in a row!!

Our lass brother comes in and says what you watching.....

His words: dad I'm supporting Sunderland now! Newcastle are f***ing shit ha ha ha
 
The Spezial One said:
Okay, 90% on here prob know it but for those that don't... :lol:

A lass I used to work with, her brother was on a bus in town one day with his lad who was about 3 at the time.

This black couple get on with their bairn in a pram and the bairn is sqwaling.

The lad turns to his Da and says innocently "Daddy, why won't that monkey stop crying?"

Everyone on the bus turns and looks. The Da just grabs his bairn and rings the bell to get off. Neewhere near his intended destination.
Click to expand...
:lol::lol:
When I was a bairn 4/5 year old in the 70s I was on the bus with me mam when a black fella got on and sat behind us. I turned round to him, pointed at him and said "Mam what's that". She was a tad embarrassed and bright red.
Soz. :oops:
 
When my oldest daughter was about 3 we were walking through town and we passed someone I was familiar with and he winked and said hello as we passed. My daughter comes out with "daddy, that man was wanking at you" in a rather loud voice. :lol:
 
Took my lad to the Celtic game. On the way to the ground he said, "Sunderland aren't going to let us down today are they, dad?" I just smiled.

When my daughter was about 3 we walked past a dwarf in Aycliffe. She just stopped dead, eyes wide, mouth open, pointed and at the top of her voice bellowed, "Dad, why is that woman so small?"
 
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