I have something to do which I am at a loss to prepare for.

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Scimmy said:
In my early twenties there was a group of us who kicked around together like all twenty-somethings do. We were always together, living in each others' pockets. As we got older we all drifted apart from each other with families being raised etc.

There is one bloke though with whom I shared an almost identical sense of humour and with whom I spent more time and had better "adventures". We haven't been out for a pint together for at least fifteen years despite bumping into each other in Asda a couple of times a year and promising to contact each other for a night in the pub, which of course we never did, as we have years ahead of us to do that. The other lads from our group have all basically turned into people I would no longer want to spend time with as they have got older. But the lad I am talking about is a bloke I have a great regard for.

Yesterday I got a phone call from his wife to tell me he has been given two weeks to live, having been diagnosed with cancer throughout his body. She said her husband would like to see me before he dies and I gladly agreed to go and visit him.

Problem is I do not know what to say to him. His wife says he's ok about his impending fate but that doesn't really help. What do you say to a pal who knows he is about to die, and knows that you know as well??

When it is time to leave him for the last time, how do I say goodbye??

God, I'm filling up typing this.
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Words are words but it will be great to spend some time together in his final days.
 


Scimmy said:
In my early twenties there was a group of us who kicked around together like all twenty-somethings do. We were always together, living in each others' pockets. As we got older we all drifted apart from each other with families being raised etc.

There is one bloke though with whom I shared an almost identical sense of humour and with whom I spent more time and had better "adventures". We haven't been out for a pint together for at least fifteen years despite bumping into each other in Asda a couple of times a year and promising to contact each other for a night in the pub, which of course we never did, as we have years ahead of us to do that. The other lads from our group have all basically turned into people I would no longer want to spend time with as they have got older. But the lad I am talking about is a bloke I have a great regard for.

Yesterday I got a phone call from his wife to tell me he has been given two weeks to live, having been diagnosed with cancer throughout his body. She said her husband would like to see me before he dies and I gladly agreed to go and visit him.

Problem is I do not know what to say to him. His wife says he's ok about his impending fate but that doesn't really help. What do you say to a pal who knows he is about to die, and knows that you know as well??

When it is time to leave him for the last time, how do I say goodbye??

God, I'm filling up typing this.
Click to expand...

I had a mate who died from cancer a couple of years back. I used to go and see him and after getting through the stuff about how he was and his treatment the conversations were just normal stuff between two people with stuff in common.

You can't skirt round the cancer thing but just try and be as much like his old mate as you can be.
 
Scimmy said:
That's the problem. For some reason over the last few years I have become quite an emotional person. Our lass says I shouldn't go to see him 'cos I'll start crying and that'll knack the job.
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Go and see him for sure. I think the only wrong thing you could do is not so that.
 
How wonderful he wants the speak to you in his last days mate, go for it.
The conversation will flow once you get the first few mins sorted.
Time is precious for you and your mate, please don't hesitate, think of the good times and some stories to chat about.
However I totally understand what your going through.

Oh and what the fuck is wrong with crying, fuck me what's the world coming to.
 
Scimmy said:
In my early twenties there was a group of us who kicked around together like all twenty-somethings do. We were always together, living in each others' pockets. As we got older we all drifted apart from each other with families being raised etc.

There is one bloke though with whom I shared an almost identical sense of humour and with whom I spent more time and had better "adventures". We haven't been out for a pint together for at least fifteen years despite bumping into each other in Asda a couple of times a year and promising to contact each other for a night in the pub, which of course we never did, as we have years ahead of us to do that. The other lads from our group have all basically turned into people I would no longer want to spend time with as they have got older. But the lad I am talking about is a bloke I have a great regard for.

Yesterday I got a phone call from his wife to tell me he has been given two weeks to live, having been diagnosed with cancer throughout his body. She said her husband would like to see me before he dies and I gladly agreed to go and visit him.

Problem is I do not know what to say to him. His wife says he's ok about his impending fate but that doesn't really help. What do you say to a pal who knows he is about to die, and knows that you know as well??

When it is time to leave him for the last time, how do I say goodbye??

God, I'm filling up typing this.
Click to expand...

He asked to see you as he obviously thinks a lot of you, id feel honoured/priviliged if someone thought that of me so go make his day mate, talk about the good times , have a laugh and dont be worried to shed a tear as you leave.
I was diagnosed with cancer 18 yr ago and to this day dont ever forget who came and visited me and kept my pecker up when i was literally on the bottom, mates and family who came to just literally pass the time of day, but it lifted me out of so much stress/depression etc.
good luck mate, just be yourself, youll always be that friend he needed.
 
Ask him if he's got any decent clobber, would cheer me up if I was in that position, although they would be really disappointed and wished they'd never bothered.
 
Ask yourself what would you want if your roles were reversed.

I think most people when faced with their mortality would want some kind of affirmation that their time on the planet was not in vain. If he's been a good dad, husband, family man, provider, hard worker etc then tell him. Think of some instance from the past when he's been a good mate to you and tell him that for those of us who won't be immortalized in song, in print or on film, the best we can hope for is that we led a good life and did right by our family and friends.

A bit OT but I was pleasantly surprised to see a fairly recent interview with George Lucas when he was asked of all the things he's done in life and this huge fantasy universe that he created, what did he want to be remembered for, and without thinking for a second he replied 'being a good dad'.
 
I lost a good friend this year to cancer, didn't get a chance to say goodbye. If possible, maybe consider going to visit him more than once? That would make the first visit less intense.
 
Can't really add anything original to the other posters on here.

just go and see him you might regret it later on.

take care mate.
 
I think your mate will know what to do and help you through the situation. He knows what to expect he will have been through it already dozens of times with family members. Go a few times if he wants you to. Good luck with it
 
I was in a similar situation this time last year although the lad in question had been a neighbour for many years. The first thing is that folk don't die to a doctor's time table so you might have an opportunity to visit him a few times. I never considered any of my visist as my last and did go to see him a few times and always said I would be back.

I found that what he was missing was just having an ordinary bit of crack on with another fella about cricket
in his case. He was surrounded by a lot of lovely people and nurses who were mainly women so he had an abundance of that sort of special care and attention which he certainly needed. But I found he was a bit short of folk to talk to him about things like replacing the geenhouse glass, pints of beer, past nights out and sport and such like. Normal topics of conversation in a world where everyone suddenly seemed to think that they should be avoided because they weren't profound enough

The other thing is .. what very decent fella you must be to have an old friend seek out your company like this when he has so little time left. You can obviously bring him a great deal of comfort and that would be a great thing.
Best of luck.
 
Definitely do it mate, you will regret it if you don't. I am the same in the respect that was part of a group of lads who were best mates around 20 years ago, and then drifted apart due to life. My mate had a scare few years back, and me and 2 others went to visit him in the hospital, and I am so pleased we did - I was privileged I was asked. Good luck!
 
Lord Potts said:
The other thing is .. what very decent fella you must be to have an old friend seek out your company like this when he has so little time left. You can obviously bring him a great deal of comfort and that would be a great thing.
Best of luck.
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Nah - I reckon Scimmy just owes the lad money and he wants it back!
 
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Scimmy said:
In my early twenties there was a group of us who kicked around together like all twenty-somethings do. We were always together, living in each others' pockets. As we got older we all drifted apart from each other with families being raised etc.

There is one bloke though with whom I shared an almost identical sense of humour and with whom I spent more time and had better "adventures". We haven't been out for a pint together for at least fifteen years despite bumping into each other in Asda a couple of times a year and promising to contact each other for a night in the pub, which of course we never did, as we have years ahead of us to do that. The other lads from our group have all basically turned into people I would no longer want to spend time with as they have got older. But the lad I am talking about is a bloke I have a great regard for.

Yesterday I got a phone call from his wife to tell me he has been given two weeks to live, having been diagnosed with cancer throughout his body. She said her husband would like to see me before he dies and I gladly agreed to go and visit him.

Problem is I do not know what to say to him. His wife says he's ok about his impending fate but that doesn't really help. What do you say to a pal who knows he is about to die, and knows that you know as well??

When it is time to leave him for the last time, how do I say goodbye??

God, I'm filling up typing this.
Click to expand...
Not quite as extreme but I went to visit my mate in hospital in Scotland when he was waiting for a heart transplant. He never got well enough to have the transplant and it was the last time I saw him.
Everyone else has given good advice about listening and taking your cue from him but don't be afraid to have a laugh, even at his expense, if that's the relationship you have. We took the board game Operation. We deliberated for hours and ignored everybody's advice but he saw the funny side. (Not sure his wife did.)
Be prepared that he is likely to look very ill, a lot worse than you imagine so try not to be too shocked.
We were physically and mentally drained afterwards and got hammered on the train home.
It'll be upsetting but so worthwhile and I know my mate's Mam has always appreciated that we made the effort to see him (not that it was an effort).
 
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