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Depression

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hiroftm said:
Difficult when at work marra, I did the other night, felt great and woke up in a much better mood the following day. Only for the feeling of loneliness and worthlessness to return within a couple of hours.
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Don't feel lonely. Send me a PM if you fancy a natter.
 

Walter Ego said:
Yeah, I'm going to have to do something.

I've always been quite open about it because if nowt else, its vaguely interesting how the mind works. It's always been a case of thinking about death and what is the whole point of it all and blah blah blah, but not actually thinking about doing it. This time its different though. Brief flashes of 'You could throw yourself off here' when crossing the bridge on the way to work or 'What would happen if I just stepped out now' when crossing the road and that. Peculiar.
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Weird when you catch yourself trying to rationalize that stuff, least you know it's not right and need to find a way to push those thoughts out the way.

Plank said:
Think I am going to start doing this. I normally listened to some during work but haven't for quite a while and might be good for me to do this on a night instead, cheers marra.

Woke up during the night last night feeling surprisingly alright, even when waking up to get a shower/ready for work I felt alright.. Soon as I started driving to work the bad thoughts/memories/regret sets in, wish there was an easy way of getting rid of this f***ing awful thing, I can't imagine how the majority on this thread feel as even though I still feel terrible, it will be nothing compared to how a lot on here feel. Reading about people losing houses/kids and stuff is just unimaginable for me. I know it comes down to how you feel but even still my problems are tiny in comparison.
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Don't ever think your problems aren't important, if they make you feel like shit then it's important. If your upset about something that's the most important thing in YOUR life, don't go feeling that you have to be worse than x to need help
 
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peil said:
Hope you're feeling a bit better today mate.
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It's worse today unfortunately, almost breakdown at work but just managed to keep it together. I have at least spoken to my mam and sister and explained how I feel and they're coming to see me tonight.
 
hiroftm said:
It's worse today unfortunately, almost breakdown at work but just managed to keep it together. I have at least spoken to my mam and sister and explained how I feel and they're coming to see me tonight.
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Good, you are not alone. It's a dark and lonely place, but there are people who care about you.
 
shrek said:
I know, and I know its normal for me not to see it but as I sit here back at my parents with ruins around me I just dont see how. Even if I do feel it I still have to watch the perfect girl for me walk away and my house go.
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Quickly going through my old posts and seen this.

Thank you all for the words at the time, I am still at home, my house is sold and Ive found a new girl who i am extremely happy with!

If you are in a "life is in ruins stage" hold on and keep pushing through it DOES get better!
 
shrek said:
Quickly going through my old posts and seen this.

Thank you all for the words at the time, I am still at home, my house is sold and Ive found a new girl who i am extremely happy with!

If you are in a "life is in ruins stage" hold on and keep pushing through it DOES get better!
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Glad to hear you things are looking up mate.
 
hiroftm said:
It's worse today unfortunately, almost breakdown at work but just managed to keep it together. I have at least spoken to my mam and sister and explained how I feel and they're coming to see me tonight.
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It is really hard sometimes for the people you come into contact with on a daily basis, they just think you're a miserable fucker.

I don't suffer but my dad does big time.

We've been at the top and at the bottom together and although I can't be there with him all the time I try my hardest to recognise when he is getting down but even when I do sometimes there is little I can do.

I even got a phone call from a nurse at the burns unit he is attending to tell me he had told her to tell me he wasn't in a good place (work that out :-) ). Why he didn't tell me baffles me but I understand why he doesn't.

Take the opportunity with your mam and sister to really tell them what it feels like, when it happens, why it happens, as much as you can and that will help them to help you.
 
Goat Eyes said:
It is really hard sometimes for the people you come into contact with on a daily basis, they just think you're a miserable fucker.

I don't suffer but my dad does big time.

We've been at the top and at the bottom together and although I can't be there with him all the time I try my hardest to recognise when he is getting down but even when I do sometimes there is little I can do.

I even got a phone call from a nurse at the burns unit he is attending to tell me he had told her to tell me he wasn't in a good place (work that out :) ). Why he didn't tell me baffles me but I understand why he doesn't.

Take the opportunity with your mam and sister to really tell them what it feels like, when it happens, why it happens, as much as you can and that will help them to help you.
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I have f***ing no idea what is going on today, just got in from work and I'm in absolute bits. I have no idea how I managed to hold anything back in work today but thank christ I did.

I'm struggling to understand why my self currently, I can't distinguish between what is a cause and what is a consequence of how I feel.
 
hiroftm said:
I have f***ing no idea what is going on today, just got in from work and I'm in absolute bits. I have no idea how I managed to hold anything back in work today but thank christ I did.

I'm struggling to understand why my self currently, I can't distinguish between what is a cause and what is a consequence of how I feel.
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You spoke to your mam or sister yet, honestly it'll be such a release and weight off your shoulders.

They can't fix you but they can make you feel better, I promise.
 
Goat Eyes said:
You spoke to your mam or sister yet, honestly it'll be such a release and weight off your shoulders.

They can't fix you but they can make you feel better, I promise.
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Not yet, I want (need) to speak with my girlfriend first so I'm waiting for her to finish work but I let anyone come round.
 
hiroftm said:
Not yet, I want (need) to speak with my girlfriend first so I'm waiting for her to finish work but I let anyone come round.
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Make sure you do it... For yourself.

Plenty on here been there, I'm one of the few looking from the outside in so my perspective is different but I can only say it as I see it. It helps my dad immensely when we do sit down and talk about it.

It feels to him like a burden and it probably is but its a burden I'd much rather live with than live without.

I wouldn't not help him climb the stairs if he broke his leg, I wouldn't not tell him what was in front of him if he couldn't see so I'm sure to fuck not going to watch him struggle when he can't see beyond tomorrow.
 
Goat Eyes said:
Make sure you do it... For yourself.

Plenty on here been there, I'm one of the few looking from the outside in so my perspective is different but I can only say it as I see it. It helps my dad immensely when we do sit down and talk about it.

It feels to him like a burden and it probably is but its a burden I'd much rather live with than live without.

I wouldn't not help him climb the stairs if he broke his leg, I wouldn't not tell him what was in front of him if he couldn't see so I'm sure to fuck not going to watch him struggle when he can't see beyond tomorrow.
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I think I'm scared of telling my girlfriend more than anything. She doesn't deserve this.
 
hiroftm said:
I think I'm scared of telling my girlfriend more than anything. She doesn't deserve this.
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She`ll probably find it easier to deal with as long as she knows whats what.Easier said than done i know but you need to tell her.As Goat eyes suggested write everything down so you dont forget anything.Plus as well if you choke you can show her and let her digest it at her own speed.Best of luck with it pal.
 
yorkyexile said:
She`ll probably find it easier to deal with as long as she knows whats what.Easier said than done i know but you need to tell her.As Goat eyes suggested write everything down so you dont forget anything.Plus as well if you choke you can show her and let her digest it at her own speed.Best of luck with it pal.
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She's currently in London on a placement for another week while I'm up here which makes everything difficult.
 
hiroftm said:
She's currently in London on a placement for another week while I'm up here which makes everything difficult.
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then look on the positive matey.You`ve got to time to sit and sort yourself out and compose your thoughts properly.Do it bit by bit each day as it comes to you.
And I know you want to speak to your mrs first, thats natural, but seriously think about whether to speak to your mum or sister first and get the support sooner rather than later
 
hiroftm said:
I have f***ing no idea what is going on today, just got in from work and I'm in absolute bits. I have no idea how I managed to hold anything back in work today but thank christ I did.

I'm struggling to understand why my self currently, I can't distinguish between what is a cause and what is a consequence of how I feel.
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It's not a bigger picture thing is it? Like at the moment everything looks a mess and you really have no idea where to start sorting things out. Might help talking if someone can help you break things down and work in baby steps to fix things.

Hope everything goes ok with your lass xx
 
hiroftm said:
I have f***ing no idea what is going on today, just got in from work and I'm in absolute bits. I have no idea how I managed to hold anything back in work today but thank christ I did.

I'm struggling to understand why my self currently, I can't distinguish between what is a cause and what is a consequence of how I feel.
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Have you tried keeping a written record of your episodes? I did it and over the course of a year to 18 months it really helped me narrow down what it was that kept getting me down. Certain patterns kept cropping up, with the same people etc.

Try going over some of the bad things that's happened to you since it started (it'll be hard, I know), it really helps. Honestly.
 
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