…by our reserve match reporter (?!), TAFKARLC
LONG-LEGGED TEENAGERS AND A BONG EYED C@NT OF A REF
I’ve always liked Burnley, they’re one of those teams with good tradition but nowadays have a dwindling support and a poor ground that makes you thankful for the SOL. This is the first time I’d made the journey from God’s country to Burnley, having recently moved back North and I have to say what a pleasure it was not having to battle the M6 traffic – we left about 10 and was pleasantly surprised to be sat in the car park at the cricket club just after 12. The cricket club itself is a nice place for a pint, if somewhat bizarre – anyway they served guinness in plastic beakers (presumably cos of the cricket balls flying round, nowt to do with all footy fans being branded as hooligans like) and we naturally sank a few and had a sing song and then headed up to the ground. It’s the 3rd or 4th time I’ve been to Turf Moor and yet still it surprises me just how crap the facilities can be at grounds – 1 bog for the whole lot of us that I could see and wooden seats that can at best be described as adequate.
Keane’s team selection, for me, was a bit puzzling as he restored Yorke, Ward and Leadbitter to the starting line-up… no problems with the latter two but Yorke just hasn’t impressed me or many others (although the racist shouting and booing of the lad after his calamitous back pass was just shocking and I hope to god we don’t see or hear much more of that)
Anyway, the match kicked off and I actually thought we started off okay, we showed a bit of promise but then handed them a lead when Burnley went on the counter attack – Stan was left to contemplate a choice of marking 2 and chose the wrong one leaving a long-legged teenager the space to fire under Ward – oh bugger we cried, never mind 81 minutes to get back at them. We huffed and puffed and seemed to go for the world record for most amount of corners ever taken without threatening the goal much (we did have one looping header cleared off the line) and with Burnley not threatening too much it was a bit of a drab half in my opinion – half time came and went standing in a queue of beer filled mackems wanting a piss, a bit like the SOL but the queue was longer and the need was greater, if you knah what I mean?
The 2nd half pretty much for me followed the pattern of the 1st, we looked okay, then gave a stupid, stupid goal away when Yorke decided he would use his creative talents at the wrong end and split our defence with a wonderful header leaving a long-legged teenager the space to fire past Ward (you see what I did there?) The referee was crap by the way – I heard him described by one irate fan as a “bong-eyed c@nt” – we never get a good ref, FACT…..Time ebbed away and we huffed and puffed and seemed to go for the world record for most amount of corners ever taken without threatening the goal much (we did have one looping header cleared off the line) and with Burnley not threatening too much it was a bit of a drab half (you see the pattern?) until…… Keano made the right choice and took Yorke and Wallace, who was also very disappointing by his own mental standards off and put Liam Miller and Kav on. The change was quite instant – Leadbitter was suddenly allowed the freedom to get forward, he does this when Kav is on but not Yorke so it must be a security issue with Yorke, Whitehead and Collins pushed further and further up the pitch and Liam Miller ran his socks off in the middle, it all looked to no avail until Leadbitter picked the ball up, evaded a couple of challenges and whacked the ball past their keeper – I’ve seen it on telly since and it was a brilliant goal, far better than I originally thought at the time. Burnley, content to sit back and attack on the break suddenly started panicking and we pressed and pressed. Varga and Caldwell moved 30 yards further up the pitch and Burnley simply could not get the ball out of their own half. An equaliser now seemed a distinct possibility, however with time against us only the fans like me with superior knowledge knew that it would come (yeah, reet) The ball pinged and ponged in and out of their area and the clock ticked…. suddenly they broke and some ginger kid was clear on goal…. bugger, thats it then 3-1 all he has to do is pull the trigger and he’ll score…. then like a comic strip hero, Stevie Caldwell came flying in from literally nowhere and took the ball away from the ginger kid. I have to admit, at the time it seemed irrelevant but still damn good… now with hindsight it was as important as the next bit….. Ahhh the next bit!!! In my limited brain capacity I reserve a special “Sky Plus style” section of goals that stick with me forever and David Connolly is the latest entry in the back catalogue…. The ball was hit long by Ward and Connolly controlled the ball, turned to face and gol and belted it past the keeper – the scenes that followed were the kind of thing that makes you proud to be a Sunderland fan – bodies were literally flying everywhere and everyone had the same stupid great grin on our faces, we’d got of jail but by god it felt good. In the cold light of day it’s a point, and only a point but lets not let the facts spoil a bloody good last 10 minutes and a happy happy journey home!
Man of the Match: Has to be Leadbitter/Connolly for dragging us into the game