Heard one yesterday, I had to stop working as I couldn't speak. This was told to me by a friend of the family in question, who told it to him. Now there are several things in here which could be deemed offensive if you try hard enough so if you don't fancy it, look away now. I'm not taking any shit for this one. Anyway, this family have got a son who's about twenty, and he's got Down's Syndrome. I don't think it's particularly bad, that was the impression I got anyway, and he can be left in the house by himself usually. Usually...... So, the Mam goes out one night, and while she's out she starts getting phone calls from the son. 'Mam, I've caught an elf!' So she thinks he's having a moment and is a bit confused, so she agrees with him 'oh have you? Righto' kind of thing. This happens three or four times over the couple of hours she's out. She gets home and he starts straight away - 'Mam I've caught an elf!' so, curious, she says 'okay where is he then?' You'll not believe this. There was a dwarf knocked on the door to deliver something to the house and the boy had grabbed him and locked him in the cupboard under the stairs. When she opened the cupboard the dwarf was frantically trying to phone someone on his mobile but didn't have a signal. Now I know I shouldn't have laughed, but fucking hell I was crying.