Old Sunderland joke (for the younguns)

Epping · 24th November 2010, 10:32 AM

Greedminds is on holiday in Montana walks into a local bar of a small remote town.

After a few beers with some of the regulars he notices a very distinguished old Indian sitting at a corner table.

"Who's that", Greedminds asks, and is told that it is the Sioux Memory Man who knows every fact on every subject in the history of the world.

Greedminds decides to test the old Indian out and goes over to him and asks, "Who won the FA Cup in 1973".

"Sunderland, 1 - 0" replies the Indian. Greedminds is amazed and for years afterwards recounts this incident far and wide to the SMB

15 years later he finds himself back in the same small remote town in Montana, he goes into the bar again and much to his surprise finds the old Indian sat at his corner table. Having met the Indian before he decides to greet him with familiarity and calls over "How".
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And the old Indian memory man replies. "Ian Porterfield from a Billy Hughes corner".

Tatty · 24th November 2010, 10:40 AM

Epping · 24th November 2010, 11:28 AM

alright we'll do this one instead

After living a long and fruitful (?) life Alan Shearer dies peacefully in his sleep. On arriving in heaven God is waiting at the gates.

"Now Alan" he says "because you have impressed me throughout your life I am going to give you your own house in heaven, it's not much, but you're very lucky as only a few people get houses to live in up here".

"Thank you, Lord" Alan replied. They walked for a while until they approached the bottom of the driveway leading to a small wooden house, and in the front door window there was a faded Newcastle United FC sticker.

Alan again thanked God before proceeding up the drive way. Half way up, he caught site of the house behind his, which had Red and White gates and a long winding driveway at the top of which was a 50ft flagpole with a giant Sunderland AFC flag.

When he looked at the house itself he saw many windows each with a brand new shiny Sunderland sticker in and through the living room window he saw a life size poster of Kevin Phillips standing proud in his Red'n'White kit.

Alan began to shake his head and God asked what was wrong. "Well" he replied" I played in the Premiership with Newcastle and entertained the fans, made me way into the England Team and scored countless goals over many seasons."

God beckoned Alan to continue "I'd just like to know why Niall Quinn gets a bigger house than me".

God shook his head and smiled replying "Alan, Alan ... that isn't Niall Quinns house ... it's mine."

Teed · 24th November 2010, 11:37 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Epping

alright we'll do this one instead

After living a long and fruitful (?) life Alan Shearer dies peacefully in his sleep. On arriving in heaven God is waiting at the gates.

"Now Alan" he says "because you have impressed me throughout your life I am going to give you your own house in heaven, it's not much, but you're very lucky as only a few people get houses to live in up here".

"Thank you, Lord" Alan replied. They walked for a while until they approached the bottom of the driveway leading to a small wooden house, and in the front door window there was a faded Newcastle United FC sticker.

Alan again thanked God before proceeding up the drive way. Half way up, he caught site of the house behind his, which had Red and White gates and a long winding driveway at the top of which was a 50ft flagpole with a giant Sunderland AFC flag.

When he looked at the house itself he saw many windows each with a brand new shiny Sunderland sticker in and through the living room window he saw a life size poster of Kevin Phillips standing proud in his Red'n'White kit.

Alan began to shake his head and God asked what was wrong. "Well" he replied" I played in the Premiership with Newcastle and entertained the fans, made me way into the England Team and scored countless goals over many seasons."

God beckoned Alan to continue "I'd just like to know why Niall Quinn gets a bigger house than me".

God shook his head and smiled replying "Alan, Alan ... that isn't Niall Quinns house ... it's mine."

A dinna gerrit?

Pell · 24th November 2010, 11:38 AM

is porterfield named after that bar near the bridges?

Epping · 24th November 2010, 11:43 AM

All temperatures Fahrenheit
50 degrees - Southerners turn on the heating - Mackems plant gardens.
40 degrees - Southerners shiver uncontrollably - Mackems sunbathe.
35 degrees - Southern cars will not start - Mackems drive with the windows down.
20 degrees - Southerners wear coats, gloves and wool hats - Mackems throw on a T-shirt (girls start wearing mini-skirts).
15 degrees - Southerners begin to evacuate - Mackems go swimming in the North Sea.
Zero degrees - Southern landlords turn up the heat - Mackems have the last BBQ before it gets cold.
Minus 10 degrees - Southerners cease to exist - Mackems throw on a lightweight jacket.
Minus 80 degrees - Polar bears wonder if it's worth it - Mackems start wearing long trousers.
Minus 100 degrees - Santa Claus abandons the North Pole - Mackems put on their long johns.
Minus 173 degrees - alcohol freezes - Mackems get frustrated because the pubs are shut.
Minus 297 degrees - Microbial life starts to disappear - Mackems complain of cold hands
Minus 460 degrees - All atomic motion stops - Mackems start to stamp their feet and blow on their hands.
Minus 500 degrees - Hell freezes over - Newcastle win something!
Minus 550 degree - Mackems start to support Newcastle United Football Club.
Note, Hell freezes over LONG before Mackems start to support NUFC