Striking with the power of 10,000 suns

[Michael]

The Fiver

When Sunderland pitched up at Stamford Bridge and struck with the power of 10,000 suns, there was much bewilderment. Chelsea fans were bewildered because they're not used to seeing visiting teams pitch up at Stamford Bridge and striking with the power of 10,000 suns, while Sunderland fans were bewildered because they're not used to seeing their team pitch up anywhere and strike with the power of a 40 watt light bulb.

It was the football equivalent of Audley Harrison charging out of his corner at the first bell at the MEN Arena the previous evening, battering David Haye to a bloody, broken pulp with a series of sledgehammer left and rights, ripping the beaten champion's big head clean off his broad shoulders and holding it aloft by its trendy corn-rows, so the baying ringside mob could hear the bloodcurdling screams for mercy issuing forth from its bruised lips. Yes, the manner in which Sunderland struck Chelsea with the power of 10,000 suns was exactly like that, except it was a slightly less plausible turn of events.

"I know I should be enjoying this, but I feel sick," Tweeted noted Sunderlandphile, tactician and giant tank-dwelling brain Jonathan Wilson as the afternoon took a particularly surreal turn of events and Sunderland went 2-0 up against the reigning champions. "This was a surprise, a strange result, but we didn't play a good game," moaned Chelsea manager Carlo Ancelotti in the wake of his side's humiliation. "It's normal to lose if you don't show this kind of mentality. Nobody played well." In mitigation, assorted knacks meant Chelsea had to field a defence comprised of four full-backs, with England's Brave And Loyal John Terry reduced by nerve-twang to a peripheral role acting as fifth official from his seat behind the dug-out.

Love the bit about Terry at the end.

[Riviera]

Fifth official

That puts Mr Bigshot right in his place .........

[TopCat]

Is he comparing us to Fraudley Has-been? Fucking cheek!