Your Best Newcastle jokes....

meru_uk · 4th July 2011, 07:28 PM

Q: What do Toon fans and laxatives have in common?
A: Both irritate the absolute crap out of you.

Q: Why do so many housewives love newcastle?
A: Cos they stay on top for ages and then come second.

Fire brigade phones Bobby Robson in the early hours of Sunday morning...
"Sir Bobby, St James Park is on fire!"
"The cups man! Save the cups!" replies Sir Bobby.
"Well...the fire hasn't spread to the canteen yet, sir."

Newcastle United's trophy room has been broken into and contents stolen.
Police are currently looking for a man in possession of a black and white carpet.

Newcastle United had negotiated a new sponsorship deal with a leading dog food manufacturer until someone pointed out that having the word "Winalot" emblazoned on their shirts would be stretching the truth a little too far.

What does a Newcastle United fan do after his team has just beat Real Madrid in the champions league?
Turn his playstation off and goes off to bed.

moanjam · 4th July 2011, 07:29 PM

Teed · 4th July 2011, 07:30 PM

kingbant1 · 4th July 2011, 07:30 PM

Creased..

TIMMY · 4th July 2011, 07:31 PM

2 shite threads in a matter of minutes.

Well done

Edit - make that 3, just saw the 1 about the Russian

Twisted · 4th July 2011, 07:32 PM

cant help but think mebbes your worst ones will be funnier, gan on

meru_uk · 4th July 2011, 07:32 PM

Newcastle United FC have apparently set up a call centre for fans who are troubled by their latest form.
The number is 0800 10 10 10
Calls charged at peak rate for overseas users.
Once again the number is
0800 won nothing won nothing won nothing.

Q: What is black and white, black and white and black and white?
A: A Newcastle fan rolling down a hill.

Teed · 4th July 2011, 07:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TIMMY

2 shite threads in a matter of minutes.

Well done

Aye! he'll go a long way this lad!! lets hope it's tonight and he doesn't come back eh!

deka · 4th July 2011, 07:36 PM

Saw a newcastle shaht nailed to a tree the other day,i thought i'll have that,you can never have too many nails can you?

Fred Army · 4th July 2011, 07:46 PM

Not good jokes by any means, but three that for some unfathomable reason have stuck in my mind were from the Keegan era.
Not funny but I shall relay them anyway.

Keegan is giving a team Meeting and tells the team he's bringing some new faces in.
Peter Beardsley puts his hand up and says "Can I have one boss?"

Keegan takes his players out for a sunday dinner. The waiter comes over and asks, "Would you like the beef?"
Keegan replies "Yes",
"And the Vegetables?"
Keegan, "Yes they'll have the same".

Keegan takes his players on a ship. The ships captain comes over holding his nose and says "Jesus, someone's shit on the deck".
Darren Peacock shouts up "Yeah, but I'm fucking good in the air".