Joke

[Swagga Like Us]

Joe is sitting on a train across from a busty blonde wearing a tiny mini skirt.

Despite his efforts, he is unable to stop staring at the top of her thighs. To his delight, he realises she has gone without underwear.

The blonde realises he is staring and inquires, "Are you looking at my pussy?"

"Yes, I'm sorry," says Joe and promises to avert his eyes.

"It's quite alright," replies the woman, "It's very talented, watch this, I'll make it blow a kiss to you."

Sure enough the pussy blows him a kiss.

Joe, who is completely absorbed, inquires what else the wonder pussy can do.

"I can also make it wink," says the woman. Joe stares in amazement as the pussy winks at him.

"Come and sit next to me," suggests the woman, patting the seat. Joe moves over and is asked, "Would you like to stick a couple of fingers in?"

Stunned, Joe replies, "Fucking hell! Can it whistle, too?"

[Fat Bob]

Love it.

[Dr Mackem]

That joke was found on the back of the piece of timber off the Ark.

That joke wasnt to good but because I am at work surrounded by people, it has made me innapropriately laugh with people saying "" what you laughing at?

[Pell]

reminds me of one i was told the other day


the kings daughter has reached puberty and her beautiful untouched fanny is the desire of all the horny men in the kingdom
however mr king wants her to remain pure until he finds a man worthy enough to scuttle her
the king goes to the blacksmith and asks him to provide a chastity belt for the princess
the blacksmith russles one up which the king immediatly dismisses as being flimsey, and far to easy to break off
a few days later the blacksmith returns to the palace with a new model, the king agrees its improved but it needs more protection
a week passes and the blacksmith comes back to the fucking fat kings kingdom with a new belt
the king is impressed with the sturdy build of the belt, and curious as to the little hole on the front of it
" what is this hole? " he asks
" well " says the blacksmith " if any man gets tempted and spots the hole he will try to put his willy up it... "
the blacksmith reaches for a carrot and pops it in the front hold of the belt
a huge CHOMP noise echoes around the room and the carrot is sliced in two!
" golly gosh! " the king shrieks in amazement ( im makin it better for you lot lol )
and agrees to purchase the belt

3 weeks later the king calls all the males in the kingdom to his courtyard, and orders them to drop their pants
they do so
and out of the 400 men there, only 1 man has his cock intact
" HIM! " shouts the king, pointing to cockman
" what is your name squire! " the king asks of the man

" ummnlmlmmlm! "




better when said out loud and not told by someone who is actually living it out in his head

[mini-x2]

Two Arabs are chatting. One of them has his wallet out and is flipping through pictures.
"Yeah, this is my oldest. He's a martyr. Here's my second son. He's a martyr, too."
The second Arab says, wistfully, "Ah, they blow up so fast, don't they?"

[Swagga Like Us]

A couple was on their honeymoon, lying in bed, about ready to consummate their marriage, when the new bride says to the husband, "I have a confession to make, I'm not a virgin."

The husband replies, "That's no big thing in this day and age."

The wife continues, "Yeah, I've been with one guy."

"Oh yeah? Who was the guy?"

"Tiger Woods."

"Tiger Woods, the golfer?"

"Yeah."

"Well, he's rich, famous and handsome. I can see why you went to bed with him."

The husband and wife then make passionate love.

When they are done, the husband gets up and walks to the telephone.

"What are you doing?" asks the wife.

The husband says, "I'm hungry, I was going to call room service and get something to eat."

"Tiger wouldn't do that."

"Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?"

"He'd come back to bed and do it a second time."

The husband puts down the phone and goes back to bed to make love a second time.

When they finish, he gets up and goes over to the phone. "Now what are you doing?" she asks.

The husband says, "I'm still hungry so I was going to get room service to get something to eat."

"Tiger wouldn't do that."

"Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?"

"He'd come back to bed and do it again."

The guy slams down the phone, goes back to bed, and makes love one more time.

When they finish he's tired and beat. He drags himself over to the phone and starts to dial.

The wife asks, "Are you calling room service?"

"No! I'm calling Tiger Woods, to find out what the par is for this fucking hole."

[Sneech]

Fucking hell, I've found the old jokes home.

[PhilSAFC]

Originally Posted by Dr Mackem

That joke was found on the back of the piece of timber off the Ark.

[PTR]

There was a cracking joke on the Simpsons the other day - blatently shoe-horned in for no reason, but made me laugh.

(changed to make it work on paper)

Man comes into the kitchen to see his wife empying sachets of ketchup into a source bottle.
Man asks "What are you doing?"

Woman replies: "I'm refilling this red sauce bottle, I also do it with mustard."

Man asks: "Do you do it with relish?"

Woman: "No, its more of an economy thing"


Boom! Boom!