Well hello everyone again. I had quite a topper day off yesterday. I had a lie in (ten past 8) then got up and mooched about for a bit. The missus came round at dinnertime then it was off to our hotel. We'd decided to stop at a pub we knew of in a little village. So off we went and got to the pub. Browsing the menu 'meat, meat, meat, meat, meat...' oh look, they have a stuffed fucking aubergine as the ONLY vegetarian option. What kind of sane person likes fucking aubergine, a horrific vegetable in all ways. Not even a sandwich available, out of laziness I would have settled for a cheese sandwich and chips, but no, all the sandwiches are meat too. I'm not expecting a huge extensive range or owt, but a couple of options would be nice like, and preferably options that didn't involve fucking slimy sinister aubergine. It would be like going to a vegetarian pub and finding it had one meat option which was, I dunno, liver or something (thankfully I never had to try liver as a child, if I was ever going to eat meat I wouldn't eat something that had the possibility of chewy fluid pipes in it *shudder*. Or any kind of internal organ, it's just .....weird). So we left and decided just to drive and find somewhere best we could. We stumbled upon a pub offering a carvery but the missus checked the menu and they had stuffed peppers as an option...grand. Inside the lassy suggested we sit in the conservatory bit. Sat down in amongst lots of pensioners with younger relatives (I could only guess that there were some retirement flats nearby and it was all the visiting relatives taking them out for dinner). I found myself sat there with a 'rat pack' tribute singer performing with a woeful little speaker and backing music system. I can't fucking stand singers/music wandering round when I'm eating me dinner. 'aye, well done, can I get back to poking food into my hole now so I don't have to keep up the charade I'm actually enjoying listening to your dross'. It was horrendously cringeworthy. The whole pub was just....odd. The manager woman was a strange one but I can't really describe how. Luckily I was shielded from his performance by a pillar, which is a bonus as I couldn't bear to be sat there falsely smiling. It was honestly like an event from Partridge, he was going on and fucking on about his CD (you could get it signed by him, which I'm sure would have swayed any people who ere unsure) and it just reminded me of 'blazer badge and tie sets available for 14.99, there's slight water damage to the boxes but I was made promises about storage that weren't kept'. How can you not feel at quite a low ebb when you are playing in a conservatory of a back of beyond pub (with structural problems, there were those temporary brace things holding up the door frames) to a bunch of bewildered pensioners eating a grotty carvery, I don't know. He had to run out to his car at one point but the fire exit shut on him, I thought about getting up to open the door for him when he got back but I was too busy chuckling, he had to run round the front. There was even (oddly) a raffle later on. You got a ticket for each person eating. My missus decided she wouldn't claim anything we won as other people would appreciate it more. Not that there was much on offer, box of terry's all gold, a poinsettia, a bottle of port, a cheap looking german white wine and a tin of foxes biscuits. Most people had gone so he had to keep drawing numbers out. A couple of prizes were claimed then he draws what I know to be one of our two numbers. No one gets up so he decides to come across to us two 'so what have you two got there then?', I just pointed at the missus and said 'she has them' and she got all flustered and could only manage a 'errr, no' (while nervously laughing' I said afterwards she should have just got up and got the biscuits to save the hassle and embarrassment. When the prizes had gone he decided to throw in one of his CD's for another prize (and went on and fucking on about the label he's signed to and how he gets all the money if you buy them from him whereas if you get it in the shop (what fucking shops!), the label gets it all. I'm praying it isn't our ticket but we were in luck. That ordeal over with I had some plum and apple crumble with custard for desert. How long since I've had custard, or crumble for that matter, and I fucking love them both. We made our way after that. A woman walked past as we were paying and said 'we're leaving because the music is too loud' to which the girl just looks, smiles and says 'ok'. Firstly the fellas singing, although pedestrian, was certainly not too loud, and if it was too loud for you, don't sit in the conservatory. did you really expect her to say 'no, please don't go, come back...!'
The hotel was very pleasant, had a nice swim and steam and a lovely big bath with another topper salt scrub from the missus.
Anyways, I shall continue this tomorrow , I'm bored of typing (as much as I'm sure you're bored of reading). I'm off to press the 'party' button on my heating control to warm me up |
