I'm off to a barbecue today. I'm kinda dreading it really, it's a lifelong friend of the missus who is having it. I went to a dinner party she held once (I feel dirty even typing the words 'dinner party'). That was the only time I met her. I didn't eat as I don't like formal eating things so had a couple of drinks then ran out of beer so her then albanaian asylum seaker boyfriend made me a vodka and orange. And he made it quite incredibly strong. She worked for starbucks in quite a senior role at the time and she got harping on about that and kept referring to the dead-end shop workers as 'partners'. Now, I took exception to this as that is clearly the corporate speak coming out, fucking 'partners' indeed. She was full of the great and the good of Starbucks and then I launched into a barely-disguised rant about the true corporate machinations of Starbucks and a quite fiery argument developed. I admit part of the reason for my ranting was the alcohol coursing through my veins and my quite deep nervousness about social situations manifesting itself in a different way. I'm so pathetic when it comes to meeting new people that I don't really bother doing it anymore. Once I know people I'm fine and, I like to think, a pleasant chap. So, I have this barbecue this afternoon. She has left Starbucks now and has said to others that she came to despise the corperate cynicism and has taken on a job which in no way pays as much or with any kind of status, but i what she wants to do. So that is admirable, I guess. She is now living with a park ranger on the outskirts of croydon and that is the house we are going to. He is quite the eco type apparently and is vegetarian (as are most of his friends) so at least the food will be canny. I realise I can't hide away all the time but days like this make me remember why I do, it's so much easier! I know in a couple of hours I will be gripped by fear, I just hope it manifests itself in blundering, rambling nervousness as it usually does, rather than some kind of argumentitive session. I'm not scared by many things but what makes me more fearful than most things is social occasions such as this.
But, I have a week ahead of reading and lazing about in Madeira so I just have to cross this hurdle with some competance. Started reading the book about the recent history of the CIA ('Ghost Wars' by, oh, I can't be arsed to walk across the room to look up the authors name) and it's fucking ace, I've started rattling through it as it seems to be a real page turner. Almost finished 'The Tao Of Physics' which has been great, and I have a book packed about superstring theory in case I finish those two. I wish I sit and read more than I get the opportunity to currently.
|
