Went home for the evening and did a little bit reading. My flatmate came back and got himself ready to drive down to somerset for a long weekend. Thought I'd do the hoovering while he was about. I was hovvering our rather large lounge, thinking I needed to hoover round the chest in the bay window due to cobwebs being about, and when I wandered up that way there was a fucking massive spider on the panel beneath the window. Huge. Big fuck off body and long sinister legs. He was in a difficult spot for extraction with glass and paper and I really didn't want to get too close to him. Gave my flatmate a shout to have a skeg at it, he thought it was rather large too (we get a few spiders in our flat as it is part of an old building). He suggested I just hoover it up but I wasn't sure that would kill it. So he suggested to hit it with the end of the tube then hoover it up. He could tell I wasn't willing as I don't really like killing things but there weren't too many options in this case so I didn't want to be the executioner. He agreed to do it and asked me to man the power switch on the hoover and to hit when he said. He twatted it a couple of times then I hit the on switch adn it rattled up the pipe which made me cringe. I didn't feel totally responsible but I guess I was responsible to a degree by turning on the power. He was fucking horrible though. The smaller ones are fine, I found a smaller one in my bedroom later and extracted him with the glass method, even though it would have been easier just to twat him one. Spiders, don't grow too big and I won't have to resort to extreme measures. Funny how little things like insects give people the jim jams. I don't mind most but big spoders, large bird-like moths and woodlice are the ones that more often than not will have to be killed. But why? Why does the himan system fear these small things? In terms of evolution the phobias of snakes and spiders make sense as they will have been a great danger to us in our species formative years. But why the fuck am I scraed of a woodlouse? You look at some of the big killers around in the animal world and they really aren't too scary. Well, obviously they are scary but not as scary as say, a big spider. Bears for example, fearsome killers and have dispatched many a human over the years but don't they just look like they want a stroke and some biscuits? Watching footage of them raiding a bees nest for honey, clumsily sticking their paws in and licking the honey off like a child at a cake mix bowl, you just can't see them as fearsome. Most of the cat family just look big and fluffy and rather cute, and if you caught them on a good day maybe they'd enjoy bowl of fish and a lie in front of the fire with coronation street on. I'm sure if I came face to face with one I would shit my pants, but you see them on the telly and you just think 'ohh, isn't he nice', even when they have their blood-covered head inside some wilderbeast carcass. Why don't I feel an evoltionary induced fear of those, like the way I feel about a large, but harmless, spider?
Anyway, apologies to large but harmless spider, I hope your hoover death was swift (I made sure I kept hoovering for ages so in case the blows hadnt killed him then surely the hoover would have).
|
