The poo stand-off. Really needed a shite so went to leave for the toilet. oh, one of the seats in the office is empty, please tell me michael isn't having a shit. It is normally empty in there so I go through the door and trap 2 is locked (the one with the miniture toilet). Fucknuts. a lot of the time I'd leave and return later but I needed to go quite badly, so prepped trap 1....then waited. I refuse to shit when someone else is in there so I just wait them out in a stand off. I could tell michael was thinking he could wait me out, but he couldn't. Even though it took all my willpower to keep in my shitty load...I held on. He took ages wiping his arse and I was reaching critical by this point. Could finally unleash a little when any sound was covered by the flushing of the chain. Only when he'd gone could the full load be released. and by god it felt good. I've had stand offs where I've duelled for 20 minutes or more with the other shitter, I always win.
Went back to desk but pretended I'd been on my mobile by fiddling with it when walking back in, trying to fool michael into thinking it wasn't me who ruined his shit.
I'm going to include the midas deckers quote I like on the subject of shitting (great book by the way is midas deckers, "the way of all flesh", where this comes from, it's about decay and that)
"...Defecating has the lowest status. No poems have been written about
it; no newspaper have defecating columns next to cookery columns; you
defecate on the sly, as if it's illegal. But defecating is no less
satisfying than eating. Try not doing it. I have friends who've stopped
smoking, friends who've stopped drinking and friends who've stopped
being friends, but no one in the world can stop defecting. Faeces may
be dirty, but defecating is a delight. you see many people leaving the
toilet with a vague smile - if not an expression of outright pride - on
their face. and rightly so because relieving yourself is a creative
process. something is created, unlike eating, which is only
destructive. It's true that it's not a pretty sight; but nor is eating.
Just look across the dinner table: all that grinding of teeth, that
drowning of food in saliva, those swishing, sloshing sounds, the eager
bouncing up and down of the Adam's apple; not even a diner party is fun
after that. When the meal's finished you feel uncomfortable. Consider,
in contrast, how you feel after you have visited the toilet. When you
defecate, something falls away from you. It's literally a relief."
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