Another visit to the hospital, another sobering experience. Just an appointment to see my specialist about how I'm getting on. He sat and explained things in very straightforward terms, abotu what I need to be doing and taking and how things will affect me. I never realised that although their is an increased chance of bowel cancer with my problem, if you have the Crohn's disease and the liver complaint (as I do) then that chance is increased ten fold. So I guess that makes it pretty bloody likely in the future. I don't like the idea of suffering with cancer, as I'm sure no one does. If it was, say, a huge risk of a massive heart attack, I might feel better about it. It isn't the death that's the problem, who hasn't got that to face, it's the suffering. I realise bowel cancer is one of the most treatable cancers out there, but it still has that extra terror just due to it being 'the big C'. I'm relatively ok with the idea of dying younger than most I just think spending my last days in a hospital would be the worst thing for me personally. All those colour coded halls, squeaky wipe clean floors, insipid lighting, fetid airless rooms, plastic piss sheets, .....just...horrible. Not the kind of place to exit this world from.
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