So, test is all done now.  It was pretty horrible all told, not very pleasant at all.  They hadn't forgotten about the throat camera but I guess it is better I have it out the way

now.  I was petrified when I got there, the nurses were lovely though, as they always are,

I have great admiration for what they do, they have always made me smile in hospital, even in the darkest times.  When they took my BP and pulse and all that my heart was rattling along at 128bpm.  As I got wheeled into the room I was absolutely petrified.  I suppose these childhood memories make a deep impression on your psyche.  I've had far worse things done to me in the past but the cameras are what scare me the most.  The sedatives had a marginal effect but I obviously have some kind of immunity to them as I know they gave me more than the usual and I was still fairly with it.  The throat one was unpleasant but the one up the arse was agony this time, really hurt a lot.  Was up and ready to go almost as soon as I was wheeled back through.  Went home and then spent hours vomiting again and again.  I didn't have anything to puke except pure acid, couldn't hold anything down, even water.  I eventually fell asleep for a couple of hours and felt a good bit better upon waking up.  Good news is they confirmed my condition hasn't spread to my stomach, as they seemed convinced of when I was last in hospital when I knew that it was food poisoning.  But my lower gut isn't in the best way apparently.  I need to be on medication of some description to help it heal a bit as I'm at risk of infection, and I was reminded about the massively increased chance of bowel cancer to boot, which was shit.  It's quite a sobering experience to be reminded of your mortality at the age of 28.  I've always been acutely aware that the chances are I'll die a fair bit younger than most.  That isn't a depressing sentiment or anything like that, it is simply truth and it is healthier to accept it now.  Not that it matters really, I can expect a lifespan far in excess of a great many people around the world who have the misfortune to be born into the third world.  I'm always terribly aware of time and its passing, the pitiful amount of time we have on this rock in a backwater of an unremarkable galaxy in an unexciting part of the universe. From the greater perspective we are just a few elements that crawl around for a bit before very rapidly returning to the base dead elements.  yet consciousness is still the greatest mystery about us, the one thing that makes us remarkable as a life form yet one of the few things we can't really figure out.  We can speculate on the birth of the universe with degrees of proof and have huge mind-blowing ideas of a 'multiverse', superstring theory, invisible tiny dimensions and the like yet we can't explain the very thing that makes us humans. I guess time is so vital to us, I always liked something that Seneca said (roman philosopher, at least I think he is, my memory is shit).  very roughly speaking, we are so guarded with money and how we lend it out to people and are very careful about terms and things yet when it comes to time, we are so liberal in who we give our time to.  Time is the most precious thing we have yet we suffer the company of people we don't really like or don't interest us which is just like throwing away something that is far more precious than money - time.

Anyway, I’m sick of typing now.  ‘My test was shit’ should have summed it up really.