So, to wrap up my shitting myself story. I made it to the shitter but as I mentioned before I have to have paper down first before I shit. Unfortunately it was new roll time. Now andrex are normally reliable for having very easy starting grips with very little glue holding it down. The cheaper toilet papers are welded down and you can be picking away at layers for ages before it starts to reel off, and that does my head in. But this one wasn’t playing ball, I was frantically picking away as my hoop quivered and held on to the tide of shit behind it with a tenuous grasp. I knew I didn’t have long. Too late, the wheels were set in motion. I would have to just shit in the water (urgh), but I had left it too late. As I threw down my pants the sloppy cack started to flow. All down the back of my trousers, in my trousers and on the bathroom mat. I ejected the majority in to the bowl while surrounded by this hideous mess. I had already run a bath thankfully. I cleaned up for quite some time and meekly shouted for the missus. She hushed my embarrassment and took everything away as I settled in to the bath and felt renewed by the water as it cleansed my horrible act from my mind.
Not my proudest moment.Anyway, what else has been happening? I’m trying to think. I had my Macmillan nurse round for a natter about all my drugs and things, as usual, but I was clearly last call of the day and we sat and just had a natter about so many things. She really is topper, I got her some champers for Christmas and she gave me a hug as I told her with tears in my eyes how I didn’t say ‘thank you’ enough to her and how wonderful her help has been and I couldn’t have got through so much without her being on hand all the time. We hugged some more as she shushed me and told me how it wasn’t a trouble. Everything they say about the Macmillans is true, they fucking rule. We talked about life, death, home (she comes from Liverpool originally), saying goodbye to people, the chance to do so and how special this time has been. Lots of stuff. She’s so warm and comforting, I know she’ll be a diamond come ‘the decline’, I can’t think of anyone I’d rather have rocking morphine intake than her.I’ve had horrendous trapped wind and shit these past couple of days. I was like a fucking balloon last night. I took some peppermint capsules which get things moving. Several large farts and no reduction in size, I was in for some hard work. Lengthy fart after length fart, minimal reduction. Couple of poos helped but still, I was fucking pregnant. A little while later I did a quite spectacular number, it lasted for a sustained and unbroken 10 seconds. Slight variations in tone but overall remarkably level. The missus sat agog as it just kept coming and coming. She even told me to stop it when she thought I was doing it on purpose or summat but this was just uncontrolled blissful release. It reduced my belly size by about one third all on its own. On and on it went, every reduction bringing more relief.
Yesterday was a little bit hard medically, I had the shortness of breath thing goin on. A dose of light morphine helped ease it somewhat but it was still there. My ex-flatmate was over for a visit (absolutely lovely fella, both my ex-flatmates are, topper friends) and we had a great chat and laugh but I found conversation hard going at times as I was struggling to draw my breath properly. All about good days and bad days though innit?Can’t wait for my mam and dad to visit on Boxing Day and they are bringing Wally. My mams labby, who’ll spend the night with me and the missus on the bed. I adore labbies having grown up with two who were always there to hug and nap with during the difficult times. It really is amazing to think how much medical shite I’ve been through in this short life. But it will be so ace having them down. I texted my dad to tell him how much I love him and how proud I am to call him ‘dad’ and I always have been. He was really touched and said how very proud he was of me and how much he loved me. I’ve always wanted my mam and dad to be proud of me, as a person. That’s what I mean about special times. I had a really special text from my mam too but I’ll chat about that tomorrow.I have the hospital tomorrow, should be ok, it’s just a chore getting to west London.
Anyway, more soon, I waned to do a big ‘deep and meaningful’ chat but I just want to play mario on my DS as I’m on the second last level (it’s fucking rocko).
Tracey, I’ll reply soon, I just have loads of stuff on and my energy isn’t it used to be, even for typing. |
