Went through to the hospital in west London yesterday.  I really didn’t feel up to the journey in the morning and was all set for crying off but the missus desperately wanted me to go, and I could see her point so we agreed to make the effort but she would have to help me a fair bit.  I was quite breathless at times but the missus had the morphine in her bag but thankfully I didn’t resort to it.  When we came out of earls court station I was really struggling up the stairs, going very slowly and in a quite obviously pained/laboured way.  A young woman stopped and wanted to make sure I was ok, she was asking where I was going to (I explained hospital) and she was so lovely and warm, she noticed liz stood the other side and asked if we were together, I assured her we were but she continued to fuss, asking how far the hospital was and things, obviously with the idea of helping me there with Liz.  What a wonderful woman, I assured her we were ok and it was just the stairs taking it out of me after a (these days) long journey.  She eventually left after many, many thanks from me.  So nice to see such warm-hearted concern, and for a woman to check on a man, that’s quite something.  That human heart, reaching out.  People awe and appal me in equal measure.  Got to the hospital and got sat down, such sweet relief, I was just in the staff room but I could have curled up on the settee thing and drifted away in blissful peace.  I had my bloods taken and they were shuttled off, they wanted to do a chest X-ray to check I didn’t have fluid on my lungs so I was whisked down almost immediately.  The efficiency of these places.  The film is put on the computer network for the doctors to see upstairs, something the NHS has been spending billions on to try and get working.  And it still doesn’t.  Must be canny hard like, the scale of the task.  Anyway, enough of that, back to the hospital.  A very lovely young woman did m chest X-ray (no stroppy cunts work in these places, they’d be out the door in seconds.)  My oncologist was up to see me in no time, he was flitting round everywhere, downstairs to his out patients and upstairs to the ward.  He was very happy with my bloods, chest X-ray was fine, no fluid, and he said the drugs I’m on can hold it for ‘quite a while’, which was nice to hear.  Arranged to see him again in a couple of weeks and that was that.  Taxi home, I was so fucking relieved to have made it through the day, through all the tube and train and chaos and walking, I could finally stretch out and Liz treated me (more than usual) as I had made the effort mainly for her as I didn’t like to see her upset (she rarely gets upset but just wanted the doctors to see me well and active and get their opinions, which was totally correct, obviously, but I just needed the push).

I had a wonderful night out the other night with people from the board.  It really was topper, everyone is so kind and warm yet they are strangers in essence, apart from what I know of them on the internet, an often poor guide to someones personality.  I only needed one shit during the evening and the toilets are very clean but the door to the trap has a diamond shaped window cut in to it.  What the fuck’s going on there eh?  Anyone walking in to the toilet can just have a skeg at you pushing shit out of your bottom, or worse, wiping your arse.  And being as I’m one who stands when wiping arse it makes me directly visible to anyone walking in.  Thankfully no one did.  Very odd.  But I was bestowed with gifts and cards and countless drinks and snacks, ShoutyBearHead donated 50 quid (long story) which is a wonderful thing to do.  I had some lovely chats with PS and, well, everyone.  So many lovely offers and kindness shown, I felt so…..at home, there.  I had to pop out for air at one point and just went and sat on the village green on a park bench.  It was so serene, late at night, watching the world go by as I had a little chat to God while no one was around.  The night passed on and eventually me and the missus left, a burger on the way home then an early night.  Fucking magic.  I must do it again soon.

I feel so desperately weak at times yet at others I feel absolutely fine, the weakness is a horrid feeling.  I’m not sleeping because of acid reflux so that is really hitting me quite hard, I could really feel I would get huge benefit from some good nights of sleep.  I can but hope.

I’ve always loved Pied Wagtails (the birds), they are so lively and comical, lightning fast but with that wagging tail, they do make me chuckle.  I watched the local Jay for a bit today.