Today has been grand, lovely day so far.  I struggle to wake properly of a morning which isn’t a pleasant sensation.  Eventually I raised me and the missus in to life to head off for a bit shopping and a walk.  We got to Waitrose which was quite hellish and did a lightning raid of shopping.  Mission accomplished.  Then we picked up a coffee and a hot chocolate and headed to the park.  We sat in the car with the windows open drinking our drinks as I rambled on and on about the nature all around us, the blowing rain, the rustling trees, the lower clouds speeding past as the upper clouds remained static, a plane circling above, high in the blinding light of the sun, far above all this wind and rain, the dog filled with such verve and lust for life as it sprinted ahead of its owner down the tree lined road, as fast as legs would move.  I sit here in awe of all simplicity, the rain dripping down the windows, the wind passing through the naked trees, those beautiful natural sounds.  How I’ll miss sitting amongst the power and serenity of nature, lost in its comforting and terrifying embrace.  We walked through the park, the biting wind knowing at our faces.  I can’t walk as fast as I could, the breathing a struggle, I’m fading, drifting from this world, I hope I don’t leave grasping for breath, panicking.  Squirrels wandered in the cold breeze, wondering where all that warmth of summer has gone.  We walked through the terraces of trees before heading back for a hot drink in the homely, rough and ready golf clubhouse.  Time for a treat, sausage egg and chips with a cup of tea.  Magic.  We held hands and sat amongst the warmth of the café as they played cards next door and drunk their pints, companions enjoying the day together in intimate surroundings, heavenly.

It started to fiercely rain on the way back to the car so we had to quicken the pace and got back rather wet.  We drove home and I stepped straight in to a hot bath to relax and get the warmth back in to my cold bones.  We’ve hugged and stared in to each others eyes, I always lose myself in there, when the tears come I wipe them away, sweeping her hair behind her ears, cupping her face with my dying hands.  God, how I’m drifting, I feel par of some netherworld between, holding to this world as best I can.

Such heartaches.

I’m in the lounge now, just relaxing as best I can.

The nights draw close, as does my time,
Every day I see more of the world at its truer core,
The insight comes at a price, I suffer while seeing,
I wish to sit amongst the animals, how I’d love them to crawl over me,
The insects, the birds, the dogs and worms,
Flowers and weeds running through my fingers,
Leaves swirling and falling all around,
Eyes closed as it penetrates my very self,
You’ll lie with me, getting lost with me,
Our hands entwined in the dewy grass,
I touch you, I become you, I fall within you,
So beautifully lost in time,
Come and be lost with me, we’ll be lost from this world,
So beautifully, wonderfully lost.