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| Well, I've had a good couple of days at home with the missus, some of the most tender and heart-warming times of my whole life. I really can't explain the joyful calmness and serenity that is with me now. I feel so happy, so fucking happy like you wouldn't believe. Nights at my wifes side after we've talked and shared stories about how we saved each other, I was so lost, so lonely, so dark when I met her and she brought me in to the light and I felt love, true love, for the very first time. It's like she awoke a star in my heart and now it burns with all the fierceness it can muster, and they burn brighter before death and that's how my heart feels now, like, here, at the last, its light becomes blinding as love overwhelms me, pours through me and out of me, nothing can harm me in this place. I hope it doesn't sound weird that I'm happy as it really shouldn't be weird. I've played some music to the missus which holds really deep meaning for me, from my dark times to showing how things are now and songs that make me think of her. I was listening to Third Eye Foundations 'Little Lost Soul' (I have those words tattooed on my lower back, my only tattoo and I never even see it, only those close to me do. I had it done years ago from my own design, it features a sytlised crying eye type thing). I forgot how fucking ace that album is, and how the first song 'I've Lost that Loving Feline' is all about his cat which has died (in the sleeve notes it says it's for him, great title like,and he has a photo of him with the words 'he was a good cat'). The central song 'Lost' is so haunting before breaking out in to a hopeful final track (virtually no lyrics to the whole album) which is titled 'Goddammit, you've got to be kind', and fuck me if that isn't spot on, no matter how much life knocked me down I've always been a kind soul, I still cherish the memory of being in the bloody awful Kings hospital on a grim ward (NHS). It was a hard time, i was next to a nutter who kept trying to escape but he was attached to a catheta but every time I untangled him and encouraged him to sit down, I looked after 'Brian' across the way and held him when they gave him bad news and he cried and I just looked out for everyone, getting nurses when people wanted them and stuff. It's just me and the staff loved me for it, I was asleep one day on my bed and Billy, a wee glaswegian male nurse just said to the missus that he would leave me in peace and wouldn't take my obs and said I looked so peaceful and how I was just an amazing bloke as he looked down on me smiling. When I awoke and my missus told me that my eyes just pissed, so lovely. You have to be kind, you really do. My missus sent me a text when she got home telling me how incredibly proud she was of me and it made me cry for hours with happiness. I feel proud to have lived my life the way I have and been loved by all close to me, my family initially but finally my sweet other. And all their love means everything to me, to love and be loved, that's all lifes really about. And I have the trumps on that because I just know. I've seen beyond this world, I feel the touch of beyond. Nothing else matters, trust me. I'll write more later, I've just succumbed to tears. But happy tears, happy tears, I never want anyone to cry for me, so Tracey, Ab22's missus, you'd better not cry unless they are happy tears, understand? ;-P Finally, a wee poem. Now bare with me here, this was never intended for public consumption, it was just something I did for my mam which I texted to her but her phone doesn't hold texts for long so she wanted it put in a permanent place, and I just thought of here. Like I say, not meant for public as you probably won't like it as it isn't quite my usual My mam My mam who brought me in to this world and time, My mam who held me against all harm, My mam who picked me up when I fell at the start, My mam who held my tiny hand, My mam who told me how to live and love, My mam who put me in a duvet on the settee when I fell ill, my mam who saw me through the adversity of the early encroaching darkness, My mam who sent me out in to the glare of the world, My mam who listened when it all became too much, My mam who is with me now the darkness is here, My mam who holds my hand, My hand is small no more, but still she holds it, my mam. | ||
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| That's wonderful. | |||
| Posted by AB22 | |||
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| ...good stuff, lad. | |||
| Posted by ps | |||
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| ...that's such a beautiful poem Hazey
x | |||
| Posted by BadMother | |||
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| Keep on smiling mate | |||
| Posted by peteb | |||
| Entry 35 of 431 |
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