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| Hello again, Well, I've been feeling a good bit better today, I had a decent nights sleep which always does me the world of good, even though it was interrupted by getting up to shite about 4 times. And painful shites at that due to the piles so I had to lie there waiting for the burning to subside. I felt good this morning though and managed a walk to Waitrose with the missus, the wound is still causing me pain and I'm walking stooped most of the time so have to concentrate on straightening up, would be nice if this all healed up pretty soonish as I could do without focusing on it. Weirdly my vein where the chemo liquid was put in went all dark brown, changes in pigment is a side effect but it looks terribly weird, it spreads about half way up my arm. I thought I'd have a nice bath in the dark this morning, our bathroom is windowless so it was totally black with the lights out and door shut. I thought I'd enjoy it but then I just got all weirdly claustrophobic and uncomfortable. Had to shout for the missus to come and open the door before I started panicking . Maybe I'll just have one candle on in future so it isn't totally devoid of all light. Brrr, won't do that again. The trees are looking even more gorgeous today, especially with the sun on them but they are becoming noticeably more spartan by the day, I'll miss those swishing leaves. This has also had the unfortunate effect of bringing out the leafblowers in force. The weight isn't exactly piling on but at least I'm not losing any more so that's something, hopefully I can steer clear of the sickness side effect as that would be one of the worst to have. Mind, I always get a bit of a weird 'high' after I've vommed my guts up, when I was regularly vomiting in hospital last time after each one I felt a bit elated. And it wasn't because I'd got rid of the nausea because the puking would come on at very short notice. Odd innit? But then vomming is such a horrendous thing to do and obviously risky so your body must be chuffed if it pulls you through it each time. That uncontrollable heaving is just so unnatural and frightening because you are totally not in control. It was odd in hospital when I puked immediately after having finished a bowl of wheatabix, obviously it looked the same when it came back up but it was also still very cold, which felt very odd indeed. I've had some lovely comments and things on the board today, it really makes me feel proud when people tell me I'm an inspiration and suchlike, I never think of myself that way but I feel good that I can do something positive. I was watching the last of 'Monkey Life' that I recorded the other day and it was heart breaking when Jim cronin died at the end and they were all so upset (he's the founder of monkeyworld, ape rescue centre). He looked like such an amazing man who had achieved so much from people at the start thinking he was a nutter. His passion for the welfare of the animals and his enthusiasm and love was something to truly wonderful and he could die a man knowing he'd left the world a better place. the opening part of the program featured a young chimp they'd rescued being put in with his foster mam for the first time. The mother knew exactly what to do, giving him time to come to her so she didn't frighten him and brought him a banana to show she wasn't a threat. Within 5 minutes he walked across and she opened her arms and they just hugged each other, it was so beautifully human. As you might be able to guess, I burst in to tears there and then. | ||
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