| Well, what to make of today? I was very down this morning and the trip to the oncologist didn't lighten my mood as he basically said he'll leave well alone until my liver doctor has done his thing. So off I went to get the further CT scan. Then the clinic in Hannover phoned me. They thought I was undergoing chemo at the minute so suggested I saw them three weeks after the end of chemo. When I explained I wasn't currently on chemo she went and had a word with the surgeons and rang me back. They said to come over within a week to operate. I was taken aback. They feel there's a chance of success. I went back to the scanning waiting room and couldn't help but break down in tears, as much as I didn't want to in public. It's just so fucking emotionally intense all of this. So intense. The emotions involved are the most powerful it is possible to have I should imagine. From the pit of despair to possible hope. This operation would be very risky but I think it's a risk I want to take, well, I know it is. It would be the most important decision of my life and I know what I want to do and my wife and family are fully behind me. Obviously it would be fucking terrifying at the time, getting put under for the op, not knowing if you're ever going to wake up again....brrrrrr. Fuck me, it's all just so ...... intense is the only word I can think of. I want to write more about this as this has been one of the most, errrrrr, intense (sorry), days of my entire life, nothing compares to this. |
