Hello there. Well, I've had a fairly decent couple of days. I had the counsellor out on Friday and she was very nice. It was good having a good old ramble about things and she gave her opinions on how she perceives me and my ability to cope. It was nice hearing her say lots of positive things about what I have going for me and also the strengths of my relationship. I talked about all sorts and it felt very good to unleash. I have another appointment booked up for a couple of weeks. It helps to reflect on things when you talk about them openly with someone who isn't connected to your predicament in a personal way. I have so many things to do but the time always seems to escape me, I'd like to write a big load of letters to lots of various people including some to the missus as she likes what I write when I ramble on about my feelings for her and things. I like to think I have the ability to write a good letter when I put my mind to it, I've always been told I write a good letter. It's a good release for me too.
I've been feeling pretty good lately. It's funny how your brain just copes after a certain amount of time. I am totally aware of what awaits in all likelihood in the future yet at the minute I don't feel too afraid. I was talking with the missus earlier and we were saying how times in the past have been far darker than now even though now is one of the worst scenarios we could face. I believe that's because of love, it really does conquer all adversities. My lack of fear is in a huge amount due to having someone alongside me who is so strong and so caring and who I love so very very much. I was trying to tell her the other day that, however cheesy this may sound, I didn't even ever think it would be possible for me to feel this happy in the past. I've always been a bit of a dark and lonely soul but my life is miles away from what it used to be before I met Liz. It took me time to realise just how special the woman I had was, I'm thankful the dust cleared from my eyes. 'the triumph of these tired eyes'. I feel so lucky to have been given the chance, even if it is only for a short time, to have this love in my life. I have thought I have been in love in the past but I can look back now and know it was nothing of the sort. I could do a ramble here about the greek definitions of love but I shouldn't bore you (too much). We've made time just to sit with each other while listening to a bit music occasionally, I find it can be a very tender experience with just the right music. Listened to a lovely bit of 'Low' tonight, who are just superb. If anyone can listen to the song 'lazerbeam' and not think it is immensely beautiful then I would say they aren't really human. Just to be next to each other feels so calming. I honestly can't imagine what my life would be like without Liz now, I just couldn't comprehend it. I'm still clinging to the dream of living in the country with an animal rescue place.
I have my oncology appointment on Monday so that will help clear up a lot of issues and once I've checked it's ok with him I'll be starting on an exercise plan and a healthy (well, healthier than now, I already eat very well) diet.
Anyway, I should leave you all, I think I might need a shit. |
